I'll ask you the same question I asked another member: Do you want to have cancer? I ask because it appears you're trying really hard to convince us and yourself.
As a survivor, I find this inconceivable. How about I post in detail the joys of getting radiation to your head and neck area and the effects of chemo? I know this is a fear but you as well as several others are currently coming off as if you want to have it! I WISH I had ONE of the all clears so many here have gotten from doctors!
Positive thoughts