Enlarged node in parotid region - extremely scared now.

[Golden]

Yes I have thyroid nodules which didn’t particularly worry me for the biopsy. I’m more scared of the pariparotid lymphnode that is 3.3cm - everything I see says over 3cm = malignant. That’s pretty big. It also feels hard and fixed to me. I’ve realized that other symptoms I’ve had could be related to a salivary C or something else very rare like that which is scary. Hit or miss jaw pain, fullness on that side. I shouldn’t have googled but I did the first day and I haven’t slept much or eaten since. I called the dr. Today to see about some anti anxiety meds and I’m hoping that will help at least for the meantime I’ll try to have some hope about these tests. Thanks for the reply - I’m praying that I’ll be proven wrong here and that even a node that size could be benign.

[goldie84]

Yes I have thyroid nodules which didn’t particularly worry me for the biopsy. I’m more scared of the pariparotid lymphnode that is 3.3cm - everything I see says over 3cm = malignant. That’s pretty big. It also feels hard and fixed to me. I’ve realized that other symptoms I’ve had could be related to a salivary C or something else very rare like that which is scary. Hit or miss jaw pain, fullness on that side. I shouldn’t have googled but I did the first day and I haven’t slept much or eaten since. I called the dr. Today to see about some anti anxiety meds and I’m hoping that will help at least for the meantime I’ll try to have some hope about these tests. Thanks for the reply - I’m praying that I’ll be proven wrong here and that even a node that size could be benign.

The pain and fullness could very well be because you have swelling but it doesn’t mean the swelling is anything. Even hard and fixed lumps can be nothing. When I had my thyroid scare I was petrified because mine was big hard and fixed and I had just the one and no history with thyroid issues which usually you have if you get nodules. I convinced myself I had a thyroid cancer that only affects like one in a million people lol again. What you don’t see online is people posting hey I had something but it was benign. My coworker just had a breast cancer scare and I thought about how many rational people go through these things and don’t post about them. Why would they if they turn out fine? They’re not riddled with anxiety like you and me lucky for them.

[Golden]

anxiety causes the worst case scenario to be the only case scenario and that’s where I am at. I don’t know how to find hope in this. Thank you to all who have responded and taken the time to listen and let me vent. I really don’t know how I can last thru this wait. In my gut I feel like I already know what those biopsies will show - I just want to know how far things have spread and what chances I have. So waiting about two weeks is going to really do me in mentally. I envy people who have a positive outlook on life and future - the future has always been a terrifying thing for me (even as a child) - not a positive one. And I feel like the shoe finally dropped.

[Golden]

Hi everyone. I wanted to give an update. Two things - this whole experience has shown me that I was not in a good place with my anxiety. It really pushed me over the edge and my husband took me to urgent care because he was worried about my mental outlook. I started on citalopam about 5 days ago and it seems to be helping.

I also had my FNA biopsies today - it was not as bad as I feared it would be. The large lymphnode is apparently a jugular lymphnode according to the dr./pathologist and it is at the high end of the normal range for size. Not abnormal (even at 3cm!) He said it’s nice and elongated and doesn’t show markers that he was concerned about. He took samples, viewed them under the microscope to be sure it was a good enough sample for testing and told my husband and I he feels confident it is completely benign. He said the thyroid nodules all appear to be benign as well. I was not expecting to get any kind of affirmation from the actual pathologist during this procedure so it was an unexpected blessing to get some confidence that all looks good.

I learned a few tough lessons - All of my googling only added up to the worst possible outcome - my husband actually turned the data off on my phone because I was making myself sick with worry and worst case scenarios. I lost about 10 pounds from worrying, not eating, not sleeping. My mental health was in a questionable spot and i can feel the medicine helping in that respect. I still feel like until I get the final procedural findings in two days - I can’t totally relax. But this past week gave me a huge amount of perspective about what’s important in life and what to be thankful for - and what I am in control of - and what I have no control of.

I’m going to look to start therapy soon - I was not in a healthy place and I want to be strong for my children in the future - no matter what it brings! Thank you to all who reached out with positive thoughts for me.

[goldie84]

Yay! I was checking back to see if you had updated and I’m glad you got good news.. I’m also sooo jealous you got instant results on the spot! That usually never happens!! And yes lesson learned huh? I learned that with my funky nodule... I also lost weight like 15 lbs and my friends said I looked like the walking dead lol. In my mind I thought i was losing weight from the horrible disease I diagnosed myself with but in reality I had worked myself up so much that I was not eating.. having constant diarrhea etc. now time to move on and enjoy life again!

[pulisa]

Really good news, Golden! The doctor certainly wouldn't have been able to have said that unless he was certain that the nodes were benign. Hopefully things will start looking up for you now after this horrible scare.

[NervUs]

Glad to hear your news and your insight! That is progress!!

[Golden]

Here I am again - I thought I could relax but my mind continues to sabotage me. It’s been a little over a month now and here I am still convinced something is wrong in my neck and trying to decide if I’m brave enough to have a CT scan done. (This is in addition to a pain in my right side that I have been worrying about for months and have a female dr check up tomorrow that I’m utterly convinced will also have a sinister result). In my defense, I had to stop the Celexa I was put on cold turkey because I did not have a general dr to see when it was refill time so I have been feeling the affects of that for about 2 weeks but physically I feel less ill now / my anxiety is still going strong and wreaking havoc on any hopes of peace I may ever wish to have.

I feel this generally tender spot under my jaw and in the similar region of the large lymphnode - now I feel certain that while the lymph node may have been clear and not sinister, it is more than likely indicating that something else is very wrong in that region.

If you read this, thank you. I am spiraling pretty badly tonight. I wish I could have stayed positive and Strong but I simply don’t think I have what it takes to be strong in the face of disease/death. I’m just feeling pretty down right now.

[jojo2316]

Hi everyone. I wanted to give an update. Two things - this whole experience has shown me that I was not in a good place with my anxiety. It really pushed me over the edge and my husband took me to urgent care because he was worried about my mental outlook. I started on citalopam about 5 days ago and it seems to be helping.

I also had my FNA biopsies today - it was not as bad as I feared it would be. The large lymphnode is apparently a jugular lymphnode according to the dr./pathologist and it is at the high end of the normal range for size. Not abnormal (even at 3cm!) He said it’s nice and elongated and doesn’t show markers that he was concerned about. He took samples, viewed them under the microscope to be sure it was a good enough sample for testing and told my husband and I he feels confident it is completely benign. He said the thyroid nodules all appear to be benign as well. I was not expecting to get any kind of affirmation from the actual pathologist during this procedure so it was an unexpected blessing to get some confidence that all looks good.

I learned a few tough lessons - All of my googling only added up to the worst possible outcome - my husband actually turned the data off on my phone because I was making myself sick with worry and worst case scenarios. I lost about 10 pounds from worrying, not eating, not sleeping. My mental health was in a questionable spot and i can feel the medicine helping in that respect. I still feel like until I get the final procedural findings in two days - I can’t totally relax. But this past week gave me a huge amount of perspective about what’s important in life and what to be thankful for - and what I am in control of - and what I have no control of.

I’m going to look to start therapy soon - I was not in a healthy place and I want to be strong for my children in the future - no matter what it brings! Thank you to all who reached out with positive thoughts for me.

Please reread your previous post golden. Again and again if you need to!

[Scass]

So sorry that you’re back in the spiral.
Will you get your medication refilled? It really seemed to help, so it might be worth it?

Hope the doctor helps when you see her.

It’s vital to remember how positive and relaxed you were when you wrote your earlier post. Focus on those feelings, not these anxiety driven ones.


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