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Thread: Can one relationship cause anxiety?

  1. #1
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    Can one relationship cause anxiety?

    Do any of you feel that one person is causing you anxiety & stress? I've been through some terrible times in the past few years. My husband had an affair with my best friend, husband then had a serious accident, to cut a long story short we separated 3 years ago. I then met the most wonderful man i've ever known in my life & love very much (Steve). He's never really loved me back (probably did at the very beginning), We've had some terrible fights, basically down to me giving him crap all the time because I can't seem to trust now. In March 2005 I took an overdose & that's when the panic attacks started, & I mean panic attacks of the worst kind. I seem to be over the attacks now but still suffer from anxiety. However, I cannot help to think that its because of Steve. We fell out for a good while after the OD & its something we don't talk about. In fact all we seem to talk about is what is going on in his life. We keep going backwards & forwards, I suppose using each other is all I can describe it as, but I really do love him so I can't really say that i'm using him. When we are on our own its wonderful, but if we're out in the same place, he treats me terribly in front of everyone. I can't help but feel that its only sex & my money thats keeping us together. We are on a "fall out" at the moment. I asked him for a bit of respect, which he said he would give, but it lasted 2 days. This is only my opinion, his would probably differ, but we just can't seem to get it right. We are perfect for each other, again my thoughts, but I reckon we have fallen out so much in the past 2 years that I don't think we'll sort it out this time & its causing me so much pain, anxiety & stress. I can't seem to make him listen to what I want; he'll agree to anything I say but its in 1 ear and out the other. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't understand how 1 person can make me so happy yet at the same time make me so unhappy, which causes the most unbearable anxiety & stress i've ever been through. I've got 3 kids & can't afford to be unhappy & having mood swings all the time. I'm having counselling at the moment & my next session she wants to talk about men! I'm dreading it! When I look back at my life I can honestly say that every man has treated me badly, which makes me think that i'm doing something wrong. At the end of the day all I want is a happy home full of laughter for my kids & someone to cuddle up to at night. Sounds easy enough doesn't it? Does anyone else feel like this or is going through something similar?

  2. #2
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    hi
    firstly im not very good at replying to posts but yours has touched me and i want to say something i just hope it makes sense...
    firstly all the men in my life have treated me bad too... it is not something you are doing wrong but i have learnt that its just the type of man i seem attracted too...
    i know the last relationship i was in was hard and my anxiety and panic were really bad and im not sure if it was me that caused it or the situation that caused my anxiety to be worse... it was just one big circle so in the end i decided to end the relationship although i loved the person very much i thought i was doing the best for me and the kids... it turned out to be the worse decision i ever made... i have now got better and learnt to control my panic and anxiety most of the time and thankfully we have talked and are trying to give it anouther go but it is not that easy the second time around i should have stuck at it and worked at it then but he was very much like you are saying he wouldnt really listen...
    on the other hand you have to do what you feel is right and like you say you want you and the kids to be happy... which is quite right.
    i know im not making myself very clear but i think what im trying to say is firstly you are not the only one to feel like this and secondly when panic/anxiety is really bad everything gets distorted...
    it will get better... i am now able to see and feel things that i just couldnt for years...
    if you would like to chat please pm me... i might make more sense second time around lol
    im sure others will be along with good advice
    take care
    rach

  3. #3
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    Hi
    Yes Lesley, in my opinion one relationship or person can cause anxiety, but to what extent kind of depends on the person. As for relationship advice, you say that you are so right for each other, yet if that is the case how come you are so miserable, you say that the men in your life have always treated you badly, but you have allowed this to happen, is it possible that deep down inside you dont feel that you deserve to be happy, woman who have been in "unequal" relationships often suffer from low self esteem, you want happiness but it seems to allude you.i think that it is great that you are talking to a counsellor, perhaps she may advise you to attend joint relationship counselling with Steve. Im not sure what type of support you had after the o/d but i think you would benefit from "specific" prof help. Its not that you have done wrong, and everything is not your fault, you just need a little help and support to alow you to find out what you really want and what will make you and your children happy, men will come and go your children will always be your children. I hope you find the answers to your inner questions
    take care

    I just want my life back
    nell
    x

  4. #4
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    Hi Lesley

    I can appreciate how you feel. Loving someone when you feel it isnt being given back in the same measure can lead to panic in the first instance. I personally think that if the pressure of the relationship is very intense this can lead to even more anxiety and then it become a viscious circle. You rely on a person but at the same time you know they are not helping your illness but where and at what point do we decide to break this cycle.

    I hope things get easier for you and hope you gain some strength from this site to put yourself first and eventually do what you know it best for you.

    Love Sal xx


    Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


    "Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".



  5. #5
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    Lesley

    *he treats me terribly in front of everyone*

    and *We are perfect for each other*

    These do not match if he isn't willing to meet you half way and make real lasting changes

    *my next session she wants to talk about men! I'm dreading it! When I look back at my life I can honestly say that every man has treated me badly, which makes me think that i'm doing something wrong*

    Most of us are attracted to the same sort of person time after time until we realize its a pattern and make moves to change it and often it is to sorts of people who remind us of influential people in our early lives as it is subconcious familiarity even if its not a good familiarity.



    Meg
    www.anxietymanagementltd.com

    Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
    How big is your gallery ?



  6. #6
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    i say most definately, and well done for coming on here and opening it all up again.
    i am not saying my situation is the same, but i trusted and loved someone ( a "close friend") which actually turned out if was using me and let me down. i think thats what caused my panic attacks and depression. this is the first time i've actually admitted to blaming him.
    i start counselling soon and i too dread say all this to him or her, so i know what you are going through. and i also miss not cuddling him at night - so thats where my massive eeyore comes in!!!
    you are not alone, i promise, not anymore
    take care
    p.s if you need a laugh and company late at night the chat room is usually full of weird and wonderful laugher, its helped me alot recently.

  7. #7
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    Hi Lesley !

    I think what you want and what you deserve is totally acceptable. From experience we tend to lay down and hand things to our partners on a plate and we tend to become to complacement and allow ourselves to be walked over. We try to avoid anxious situations and arguing and this makes us more suceptible to being taken advantage of.

    Stand your ground honey. Make sure you get the things you want and deserve and if this man loves you he will soon realise that without you in his life he would be lost. Sometimes you have to let go in order to get what you want from a relationship. If he really loves you he will fight for you back.

    You and the children deserbe to be treated with respect and you will find that once you stand yoru ground your confidence with enhance your self esteem.

    Take good care




    Sue with5

    scknight

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