Hey all, I'm a newbie here so still trying to get my bearings!
I just wanted to talk about a certain symptom of my social anxiety that terrifies me. I haven't been diagnosed with Social Anxiety yet and I have my first appointment after years and years of suffering next week. But I'm almost certain this is what I'm suffering with.
So, yesterday I had my first panic attack in college during a lesson. I've been studying for the past few years and have grown to love my subject, my lecturer and my classmates. We are a small group and I do feel comfortable talking to them one on one or in small groups but infront of them all and the lecturer, I just go to pieces.
When talking as a class about a certain subject, I feel like I have so much to say. So much to contribute but anxiety has other ideas.
I feel like I constantly plan and repeat in my mind what I'm going to say. Almost rehearsing my sentences over and over. And then I build myself up. The physical symptoms of my anxiety then reach extremes! I suffer from what only can be described as pulsing head rushes! Like I can feel my pulse in my brain! I almost feel like as soon as all attention is on me and I begin to speak, I will just pass out. And when I do eventually start talking, I just say what I've "rehearsed" and then I'm so exhausted after it, I don't continue on what I want to say. It's so frustrating.
I almost feel like my social anxiety is only physical! I know that these people are my friends and would never judge me. I know what I want to say is valuable but my body just reacts so badly to talking out.
Yesterday, I had my worst panic attack in years. I'm sure you know all the symptoms, it was terrifying and a shock to some of my friends as they never suspected I suffered with this. But I just feel like I can not let this affect me any longer or get in the way of my academic ambitions! I will not let it defeat me!
So next week, I'm finally seeking help and visiting my gp to tell her what is going on. I'm a little apprehensive as to what will happen next though. I'm scared of being put on medication that will just zone me out. But I do think I will benefit from 'talking therapies'. I am excited too though! That maybe,just maybe I might be able to start battling this.
So I'm just wondering if anyone else gets these pulsating head rushes, almost as if they are going to faint when they speak? If you have then how do you cope? Has medication helped? Has therapy helped?
Thanks, Jamie.
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