Anyone else 30+ living at home?

[Bigboyuk]

Yeah add me to this list aswell, Ok not living home haven't done for some years now, but not a happy childhood due to my dad not being at home a lot because of work comitments so rarely saw my dad and he drunk a lot too so it's affected me, a loner at school and made no friends or only ones that wanted something off you,feel for you it's still affects me today in some ways!! Take Care Cheers

[anomnomnom]

Hello

I found this thread purely from googling and signed up to the forum just to post in here

I've been on other anxiety based forums but was never quite sure if I've got social anxiety or just general anxiety

I'm currently struggling with a lot of thoughts in my head as I turn 31 today, I too still live at home, I feel the shame of it... But the other worrying thing is I don't mind being here? Both my parents are 65 this year and its shuffled my worry from my own "getting old" to how my parents really are getting old and who knows how much longer I'll have them around. My mum also suffers from MS so usually needs additional help around the house depending on what sort of day she is having, obviously the help would come from me or my dad but he's starting to get bogged down with various aches and pains from his 45+ year manual labour job (mechanic)

I don't have a huge amount of friends and I don't really have any interest in a relationship if I'm being honest (certainly i dont want kids) I juggle between thinking I'm a failure to my parents.. I'm a failure to not giving them grandkids yet on the other hand.. I'm also helping them out.

I work full time and contribute both round the house and financially as with my mums disability and my dad being forced unto early retirement money is quite an issue a lot of the time. I don't feel I'm "leeching" yet society would still have me believe im a complete failure.

The whole thing has really hit me hard the last few weeks, i cant tell if i should be ashamed?.. But we get on? It's like having 2 room mates.. Theu don't treat me like a child.. They don't interfere with anything or question where I am.. I'm fully capable of operating an oven and/or a washing machine.. I kinda feel like we work quite well as a team.. But still the stigma is there as each year passes..

And for some backstory, my anxiety caused me to fail my first university.. Go back and do a second one which if anything was done more to avoid having to get a job (so I wasn't done with education till I was 25) had a few stints of unemployment as I never felt I was capable of doing any job due to having zero confidence in my abilities and not gaining full time employment till I was... 27.5 (which I've now been stable at for 3 and a half years)

[Bee84]

I'm with mum and brother. I chose to stay home when I was 16 (32 now) as I saw no worth in living with a man for example (being in a co-habiting relationship) as its just not my thing.

My friends moved in with men, got married, had babies fairly early in my opinion, in their early 20s. So I found we had less and less in common.

I'm not abnormal. I believe it doesn't matter who you live with just as long as nobody is being abused in anyway and everyone is taking responsibility for their share of bills/housework. It is what it is.

[Bigboyuk]

Hello

I found this thread purely from googling and signed up to the forum just to post in here

I've been on other anxiety based forums but was never quite sure if I've got social anxiety or just general anxiety

I'm currently struggling with a lot of thoughts in my head as I turn 31 today, I too still live at home, I feel the shame of it... But the other worrying thing is I don't mind being here? Both my parents are 65 this year and its shuffled my worry from my own "getting old" to how my parents really are getting old and who knows how much longer I'll have them around. My mum also suffers from MS so usually needs additional help around the house depending on what sort of day she is having, obviously the help would come from me or my dad but he's starting to get bogged down with various aches and pains from his 45+ year manual labour job (mechanic)

I don't have a huge amount of friends and I don't really have any interest in a relationship if I'm being honest (certainly i dont want kids) I juggle between thinking I'm a failure to my parents.. I'm a failure to not giving them grandkids yet on the other hand.. I'm also helping them out.

I work full time and contribute both round the house and financially as with my mums disability and my dad being forced unto early retirement money is quite an issue a lot of the time. I don't feel I'm "leeching" yet society would still have me believe im a complete failure.

The whole thing has really hit me hard the last few weeks, i cant tell if i should be ashamed?.. But we get on? It's like having 2 room mates.. Theu don't treat me like a child.. They don't interfere with anything or question where I am.. I'm fully capable of operating an oven and/or a washing machine.. I kinda feel like we work quite well as a team.. But still the stigma is there as each year passes..

And for some backstory, my anxiety caused me to fail my first university.. Go back and do a second one which if anything was done more to avoid having to get a job (so I wasn't done with education till I was 25) had a few stints of unemployment as I never felt I was capable of doing any job due to having zero confidence in my abilities and not gaining full time employment till I was... 27.5 (which I've now been stable at for 3 and a half years)

Hi Yeah I know where you are coming from for lots of reasons (even though I don't live with my parents now cant any way as they have both passed away sadly) but can certainly relate to a lot of the things you say mate. No I don't think you are failure in not having kids as such It's seems that society tends to stereotype people in this way as in you have to get married you have to have kids and a 9 to 5 job I believe it's not true and you find your own destiny in life!! I believe and think it's good you and your parents work as a team something to be proud of I think Yeah friends very thin on ground for me too so know what you are going though for sure Cheers

[Deckard]

I agree with bee84, as long as nobody is being taken advantage of, I don't see a problem with living at home. (Although my parents do refuse to let me pay anything. ) Other people seem to have a different opinion.

Regarding living with a woman, that's where I'm not sure. I actually do not know what I want. One hand, I'm too much of an individualist to be living with someone without it going awry. On the other hand, I guess if I met a woman who really got me (and vice-versa) it could actually work out. It's hard to say.

And yes, I do notice having less and less in common with my old circle of friends, with a few exceptions they all started a family. That's definitely not for me; not the way they go about it anyway. It's too "normal" I guess.

--deckard

[Bigboyuk]

I agree with bee84, as long as nobody is being taken advantage of, I don't see a problem with living at home. (Although my parents do refuse to let me pay anything. ) Other people seem to have a different opinion.

Regarding living with a woman, that's where I'm not sure. I actually do not know what I want. One hand, I'm too much of an individualist to be living with someone without it going awry. On the other hand, I guess if I met a woman who really got me (and vice-versa) it could actually work out. It's hard to say.

And yes, I do notice having less and less in common with my old circle of friends, with a few exceptions they all started a family. That's definitely not for me; not the way they go about it anyway. It's too "normal" I guess.

--deckard

Yes I agree and if I had a choice I would live at home again it's cheaper your washing is done for you and often there is a meal for you too as for a relationship Nah thanks, too complicated and stereotyped for me sooner live with some one of the same sex, less complicated in many ways and some company to boot too Cheers

[Pea Tear Griffin]

I am only 23 and live at home but my mum lived with her mum until age 50 until my nan passed away ( her mum )

[NervousA1]

I am 38 now, and still at home so is my 30 year old brother. How common is this these days? I work 5 days a week and contribute to bills etc.

[Bee84]

It is common nowadays. It depends what the purpose of household life is to you, if it's procreation you may want to live with a partner and stay that way. If not, remaining within the family home makes sense. Depends what your goals or ambitions are.

There's pros and cons as with anything. People who move on may have rifts with parents or whoever was at home so they kind of or literally ran away. They will be taking a risk when they bring all that past family dysfunctional baggage into their marriage/civil partnership and children may suffer for it. The ghosts and demons always catch up. Or they may want to be independent to prove they can make it all on their own which is great. I do feel safe where I am. I'm probably ungrateful as there are homeless people so it doesn't matter if your with family at all, it doesn't define you or make you weird.

[Bigboyuk]

Bee I think you are right on this I know some one who is still at home and in their middle 30's, and actually there are quite a lot of pluses to like you only have your bed room to keep tidy unless of course mum still does that for you, you may get your washing done and maybe a meal is made for you too! Often I wish I was still at home in some ways But understand where NervousA1 is coming from! Cheers