"Friends" making OCD worse - advice please

[ponylover]

Although I don't officially have OCD, I have a lot of OCD-like symptoms and check that gates and doors are closed over and over again before I can leave anywhere.

I had checked and re-checked that a door was shut before I left the stables, was happy that it was and was about to leave to go home, when someone said to me

"how do you know that I won't just open it again once you've gone?"



She is aware of the problems that I have, and knows what it's like. But this really, really freaked me and I had to wait until she'd finished before I felt I could go. Although I am 99% certain that she wouldn't leave anything open for the sake of it, now that she's said it it's really panicking me. I'm thinking of having to stay there until really late after she's gone so I can make sure that everything's shut, whereas before I trusted her to do it.

What should I do?

[Karen]

Hi Ponylover

I too have OCD but about other things so I can understand the thoughts you are having.

Could you have a word with your friend and explain your worries? I doubt she even realises what she has said and it is long forgotten by her.

Also reassure yourself that you DID lock it and all was well when you left. Anything else is getting into the realms of the 'what ifs' again. Anything could happen but the reality is that it's unlikely any of those fear have actually happened.

Karen x

[ponylover]

Thanks Karen.

The problem is, I almost don't want to mention it to my friend again - I don't want to let her know just how much it's freaking me out because she's the sort of person that would probably do something vindictive if we ever fell out (and she's quite touchy and easy to offend - not her fault), I've seen her do it before to other people and so if I let her know how much it's got to me, she'll know *exactly* what to do if she ever wants to get one over me.


I know that this (and pretty much the entire situation) is illogical and probably irrational.

Thanks for your help...I know that you're being the voice of reason. Thank you x

[kate]

I don't have OCD as such, just anxiety that I might not have locked the door etc.

When I mentioned this to my counsellor, he recommended anchoring the action. When you have actually locked the door, for example, take the key and put it on a hook. Then, if you are doubting that the door is locked, seeing the key on the hook reassures you that you have locked the door as the key does not go on the hook until the action has been carried out.

You can substitute any anchoring item for whatever action is causing you anx. For example, at one time I kept having to check that I had put the handbrake on the car . To anchor the action, I would put my car keys in the zip pocket of my handbag.

Kate

[ponylover]

Thanks kate.

The problem I have is that I then start not believing that I've even used my 'anchor' right. For example, at home I put on the burglar alarm, open the inner door to the porch and close it. Wait til I hear the alarm set then close the outer door. Unless I hear the alarm set then I don't close the outer door, but I still think
"what if I closed it before hearing it set?"

In your example, it would be "What if I hung the key up before I'd properly locked the door"
So I have to go, take the key down, go back to the door, check it's locked, possibly unlock and re-lock it just to make sure then go hang it up again. Walk a few steps away then think "What if I hung the key up before I'd properly locked the door?" and go round in circles. How long this goes on for depends on how good a day I'm having Stupid, I know.

I think my basic problem just comes down to me not trusting my memory at all, and a disbelief that the things that I remember have actually happened.

Normally, it doesn't bother me that much. It isn't true OCD and doesn't take up that much time. It's just something that I do and I can live with it...until other people start messing with my head. I do enough of that by myself, thank you very much.

[Karen]

Ponylover, how about giving the anchoring idea a go for a couple of weeks? When you do it the first few times those doubts will still be there so you can remember (or even look on the first couple of times) and reassure yourself that the door is locked.

It takes a little time and repetition for this new behaviour to become fixed in your mind. If you think about anything we learn to do. At first we need to concentrate a lot and there are a few hiccups here and then, but gradually the learned behaviour (or skill etc) becomes much more automatic. Practising the anchoring technique will help is become a part of your daily routine.

Something else you might like to consider is this Stop Obsessive Checking hypnosis download.

I realise it seems an impossible obsession to break right now however there are things you can do which will help.

Karen

[ponylover]

Ok, thank you yes I will persevere with it.

Just one silly question though - how many anchors am I allowed to have? For example, before I go to sleep I have 5 alarm clocks I have to check. Do I have an anchor for each of them?
Before I leave the stables I have 8 stable doors, 2 locks, 3 gates and 2 hose taps to check. Will this still work?

Thank you all

[kate]

It took a while for the technique to work for me, and even now I have days when I doubt myself

When you first start off, yes you will need all your anchors in place. It doesn't matter how many you need to use, the idea is for it to help you convince yourself that you have carried out the actions you need to do ie locking the door.

If you have to check 5 alarm clocks then you can use just the one anchor which is not put into place until you have checked ALL of your clocks. If this is not reassuring enough for you when you first start off, then have an anchor for each one. It really doesn't matter how many you use, whatever feels more comfortable to you.

It does take some doing but really is worth persevering with as it does get much easier in time. It's kind of like facing and challenging all the thoughts we have about bad things happening if we don't do things correctly and that we would be to blame if things go wrong.

Good luck with it

Kate

[Elemental Child]

I totally understand this.....even a checking system to check the checking could be flawed and with me it's that sense of....am I dreaming....did I do that in my mind.....or really do it. I wonder if it could be because of having traumatic events in my life and not being able to believe reality. I wonder if for example pinching yourself just before you do these checks and even saying outloud stable door locked will help....Take care