Know that I'm dying

[SarahH]

Mummy - you are doing well

Chloe- the thing is those of us who are further down the line of recovery can see that you are suffering from "anxiety" and will not believe us when we tell you that every symptom you have is down to just that...." anxiety"..... so please take the advice that is given to you on NMP. Get up! Stop taking your pulse! Do some deep breathing exercises! Try Mindfulness, talk to your GP, try medication if you need it. If you have had loads of tests, then trust the results that you are not dying and start "living".

[mummyanxious]

Getting up is very hard when you feel frail. I know, I'm living it. But I've felt so much better about myself and life since I've been moving about the past few days.

[Chloe34517]

Mummyanxious, I haven't purposely ignored anything you've said to me or any of your posts. I didn't ever see that you'd reply because I don't get notifications or anything and forget to check. I do listen to everything you say and I do appreciate you taking the time to respond to my posts. The reason I didn't do as you suggested with writing down symptoms for my doctor is because my doctor isn't very understanding, and I know if I walked in with a list he'd take me even less seriously than he does already and straight away put it down to anxiety. I don't sleep until around 3/4/5am but I do sleep in most of the time, so I do get sleep.

[mummyanxious]

There's no need to get so defensive. We're not having a go, just want you to get better. But what's the point in making a post and then not going back and checking on it? Why create another post? You can update on your old one and check for replies at the same time.
How are you this evening?

[Jonesle]

I'm seeing my dr tomorrow and I'd love to send a list in of seemingly unrelated things, although she is somewhat understanding I'm certain she hints it's all just anxiety. Then I leave and I get cross at myself for not saying everything, I'm actually getting quite anxious about going in the first place

[Chloe34517]

There's no need to get so defensive. We're not having a go, just want you to get better. But what's the point in making a post and then not going back and checking on it? Why create another post? You can update on your old one and check for replies at the same time.
How are you this evening?

I'm not getting defensive, honestly, I just don't want you to be annoyed at me when I'm honestly trying my best and am genuinely thankful for anybody that replies. I do usually go back to check, I don't know why I missed it. I'm not very good but going to try and get a doctors appointment tomorrow for this week to be checked out properly. I don't know why but often it's not I can't take a deep enough breath and if I talk a lot, laugh, bend down, get stressed, shout or go upstairs I get this weird feeling in my chest and get out of breath. I just don't want to die in my sleep tonight x

[mummyanxious]

But you haven't died in your sleep yet have you? So why would tonight be any different? How about trying some relaxation? How about just giving it a go and seeing what happens? I bet you're scared to be relaxed? I know how that feels. I'm scared to be happy as well in case something bad happens because I've taken my eye off the ball...
I keep bleating on about this but I've read a book this week that has opened my eyes about how anxiety gets us. It really is all common sense but it makes perfect sense.

[Chloe34517]

But you haven't died in your sleep yet have you? So why would tonight be any different? How about trying some relaxation? How about just giving it a go and seeing what happens? I bet you're scared to be relaxed? I know how that feels. I'm scared to be happy as well in case something bad happens because I've taken my eye off the ball...
I keep bleating on about this but I've read a book this week that has opened my eyes about how anxiety gets us. It really is all common sense but it makes perfect sense.

I always think "well it didn't happen last night so it will definitely happen tonight". I don't know why but every night it's more real the one before. I'm scared to be relaxed because I can't accept that it's anxiety, so I feel like by relaxing and ignoring it I'm just welcoming death.

[Marie36]

Hey Chloe..sorry things are still tough for you. I think going to the doctors tomorrow is a good idea, if you are struggling with one you could change gp..it should be somebody who makes you feel comfortable. In respects of thinking you will die, I won't you to think about the previous posts where you were very sure you would die that night and you didn't...the same as you will not tonight. This is panic and anxiety and you have real physical symptoms that just exacerbate this. The gp has ruled out serious illness..try to trust this.
You are having a very tough time as are many on this site, my experience of feeling like this makess it difficult for me to take on advice..that's ok..this site wil be many things to many people..you will give back when you are able to...until this passes..it will..deep breathes, take as much support from gp as possible , rest when you can and most importantly be kind to yourself.
Xx

[mummyanxious]

No you see that's where you're going wrong. Until you accept and feel the fear you won't get better. That's a fact. Remember all anxiety is is a normal feeling everyone feels. But it's the way you perceive the feelings that make it what it is. You are frightened if the feelings so its like an open invite to them to keep coming.