I’ve always been troubled with anxiety and think it stemmed from quite a turbulent childhood where fear was felt on many occasions. Anyway, I’m now nearly 28 and I’ve been living with anxiety/social anxiety for most of my life. I have had years which have been amazing but I’m now in the worst period of my life. Recently I dabbled with some “legal” substances (Phenibut) which I read improved mood and kinda cured social anxiety. It worked wonders for me however I abused it and in the end I had to stop taking it.
That was at Christmas and I went from feeling the best I’ve ever felt in my life to rock bottom. In the space of 3 months I’ve quit my college course, left my job and basically don’t do much at all now. I’ve became a shadow of myself, lost interest in everything that once made me happy. I sleep most of the time. I eat junk food and don’t exercise. I’m literally just existing.
I was put on Citalopram at the end of November last year and since then I’ve had no panic attacks which I’m so grateful for, however my depression has gotten much worse. I’ve never felt depression like this before. Like I know I am in control of my life. I know I need to be the one who makes the changes and I’m in control of my own happiness....
But it just feels like my mind and body are not agreeing with me! They have decided to give up and I just have no energy or motivation to do absolutely anything.
I really hoped the medication would pick me up and improve my mood but it’s just gotten worse... I’ve been on it nearly 3 months and I’m just about giving up hope with life.
I went to see my gp yesterday for a medication review and found out I have a new gp. The one before was a really nice guy, understanding and did seem interested to help me, however this new guy didn’t seem like he cared at all and just scribbled down a few websites and a phone number to call to arrange counselling.
I just feel like I don’t know what to do next. Like no one can help me.
It would be nice to hear from people in similar circumstances to my own. Right now I just feel like my family, friends and even my gp don’t really understand or get what’s going on with me.... the only people that could even begin to understand are those suffering too.