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Thread: need help after death of parent

  1. #1

    Exclamation need help after death of parent

    i don't know which forum this is meant to be in. but a couple of days ago i lost a parent from cancer. obviously what i'm going through right now is unexplainable, especially that i'm still a teenager. i don't know wether what i'm feeling is normal. i have these really obvious mood swings the whole time, one point i'm normal, i keep forgetting that i've lost him and i tell myself he's not there anymore and my brain just doesn't believe it. then as soon as one little thing upsets me, or i'm alone for a couple of minutes i feel so depressed, my arms and legs are really heavy and weak, i don't want to speak, i don't even know what i want. like i just don't know. i haven't been eating much the last couple of days either, and i get full so quickly and then it makes me feel abit sick. this is just too much for me to handle, i don't know what i'm doing or what i should do. can someone help me ?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
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    Re: need help after death of parent

    Hi

    I am really sorry to hear this news.

    It is going to be a really difficult time but there are professionals out there that can help.

    Did you have care from macmillan as they should be able to talk to you.

    You could also see your GP who could recommend referrals.

    Most of all you should talk to friends and family and get support there.
    __________________
    Nicola

    “Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.” - Natalie Babbitt

    Please help keep NMP running and donate to the running costs: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/donate




  3. #3

    Re: need help after death of parent

    thankyou. i will see if i can talk to anyone professional. this is also very hard for my family too so i'm not sure if i want to talk to them but i guess my friends are very supportive. and no i don't know anything about macmillan

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    3,250

    Re: need help after death of parent

    I lost a family member to cancer in 2013 and macmillan nurses were a wonderful support throughout. Definately worth contacting. I'm also very sorry for your loss Moonlitt xx
    __________________
    Without fear there cannot be courage - Christopher Paolini

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,485

    Re: need help after death of parent

    So sorry to hear this, my thoughts are with you.

    Losing someone is so strange and difficult.
    Things come in waves - it's ok to feel whatever you feel. Let yourself feel it.
    Can you write things down, to help yourself express things, just to yourself? That helps some people. You don't have to keep what you write if you don't want to.

    Your mind will do whatever it needs to do, when it needs to do it. Our brains stop us from feeling or thinking some things sometimes when we're not ready to feel them yet. It's a self-protection mechanism - our brains are sophisticated organs!

    That numbness and being overwhelmed is probably because of that... your brain protecting you.

    Pull in all your favours, and get support from all the people around you, like the others say.
    Sometimes it can be the right thing to talk to a family member who is also suffering - it can help you bond, and grieve together. Don't worry about whether you are burdening others right now. Let people support you. You don't need to bottle your feelings.

    Be gentle on yourself xx

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    10,603

    Re: need help after death of parent

    I found The Samaritans very supportive and understanding and you can phone them anytime and speak for as long as you like. x

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    8,333

    Re: need help after death of parent

    Take a look here too....they are very good and help lots!

    https://www.cruse.org.uk/
    __________________
    Emmz xx

    nolite te basstardes carborundorum





  8. #8

    Re: need help after death of parent

    Hi Moonlitt, your probably going trough all sorts of emotions & thats normal & okay. Cry, shout, scream, be angry, laugh, forget your loved for an hour it's okay dont feel guilty or beat yourself up. Remember all the wonderful time you spent with your parent I lost my daughter she was 32yrs old, I placed a large photo of her on my wall & every morning, kissed it & chatted to her until I felt I could slowly let go. I also slept with a scarf she wore, that also gave me alot of comfort it was like being near her. What ever gives you comfort do it...I found myself always saying WHY??? Talk to your GP see if you can have greif conselling. Time does heal the pain but we are left with all the lovely memories. Your parent would want you to carry on & have a wonderful life. DON'T give up.....be kind to yourself. I wish ou lots of love & peace.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    1,973

    Re: need help after death of parent

    Hi , really sorry to hear you are going through this , it is an unbelievably hard thing to deal with and for me didn't feel real I'd wake thinking it was a dream until reality came back , there is no right or wrong way to deal with it and no time frame , I was quite young and bottled it up , it hit me about six months later very hard when it finally sank in , talk to people and let it out , cry when you need to and smash somthing if you feel that way , it is unfair . Take care .

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    7,300

    Re: need help after death of parent

    Dear Moonlitt,

    I can feel your pain through your words.

    These next few weeks are going to be so very hard for you. Grief brings with it so many feelings and you are so young to be dealing with it. It is a process though, and you must allow yourself to feel however you feel, nothing is 'normal' or 'not normal', everyone is very individual in how they respond to such a terrible loss. You need to go through it though, all the thoughts and feelings and upset, to be able to move forwards when the time is right. Crying, feeling numb and emotionless, desperate unhappiness....sudden good memories....they are all part of grief.

    I Know it doesn't feel like it now, but there will be a time when you start to feel better, but at the moment they are SUCH early days for you. You won't ever forget and you will always think of your Dad, and sometimes you will feel very sad and upset, but time does gradually heal that immediate rawness that you are feeling right now.

    I hope you have managed to find some contacts from the posters above which you can follow up. It does sound like you really need someone to talk to, and its hard when the rest of your family are also suffering emotionally too to find the right person at a time like this.

    Do come back and talk with us if you'd like to.

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