help citalopram 4 and a half weeks

[housetoad]

Hi there, new here, hope someone can help me out.
I've been on cit since 19th April after my anxiety and low mood got out of control. The anxiety was the main issue, I had panic attacks every day and I couldn't leave the house to get on with my life at some points.
I'm not really sure where it came from as I hadn't had a panic attack in 6 months up until that point but hey. This is my first time on meds.
I've been prescribed diazepam for when the anxiety gets out of control but I only used them for the first week and I am proud to say I haven't had a panic attack since before I started the meds
I get the idea that they are definitely working for my anxiety- but my mood is all over the place. I know it's different for everybody but did anyone else get this?
The first 2-3 weeks I didn't feel anything apart from random depressive episodes and emptiness, end of week 3 was really depressive with suicidal thoughts which scared me a lot. went to the doctor and he didnt raise my dose (still on 10mg) as for youngsters like me(18) apparently it's more likely for us to act on these thoughts. Have an appointment with him next week.
But my mood has been all over the shop- I thought it had got better when last week I had 4 good days where I actually felt happy and good and chilled out. but then a couple days after that empty and then I had a really depressive episode on Thursday
I just don't know what to think, the meds must be working because I've hardly felt anxious at all asides from some overthinking episodes but that's a lot easier to manage now. I just really want to be feeling happy :( and they must have been working if managed to feel good the other day surely?!
Counsellor reckons I need dose increase as she thinks that the dose im at has managed to combat the anxiety but not the depression/low mood. I either think that or my head is trying to find a balance with the meds on how it should be feeling. It's just crap to feel depressed when there's nothing for me to be depressed about!!
Thanks for reading, sorry it's long, really hope someone can help/reassure me!

[wcs2222]

Hi housetoad,
You are not alone! This forum has a ton of information and experiences that can provide reassurance and comfort on how you are feeling. I suggest you start with the well-written "Citalopram survival guide" sticky written by NoPoet.
Personally, I have experienced panic/anxiety for over 20 years and have been on/off SSRI's, starting with Zoloft and eventually switching to Citalopram. I started my latest round of cit just shy of 5 weeks ago. Each time I have gone back onto cit brings all the horrible side-effects. The time it takes for cit to work and the side-effects to go away varies person-by-person, but typically things improve in 4-6 weeks, but it may take longer to get to 100%.
10mg is a quite low dosage and 20mg is more common, so fully explain how you are feeling to your doctor to see if the dosage should be increased. I keep a day-by-day diary of how I feel that can be reviewed with my doctor. It is good that you have diazepam (use only as needed) to help you through the initial number of weeks (my doctor gave me clonazepam, which is a different benzo). It is also good that you feel that cit is working, but you may still experience some good days and some bad days during the early weeks. Some of your good times may have been due to diazepam.

It takes time to work and your body to be stable. Stick with it for at least 2-3 more weeks ... it will be worth it in the end.