negative thinking please help

[bagpuss]

How have things been today Tanya? Ive had a stinker of a weekend and an awful day today. IM not sure if its the citalopram or not, but imhardly getting any sleep-about 3 hours a night-and i just cant functiononit. Now im starting to dread the evenings as im so sure i shant sleep again and its too much to face. My husband has gone to India now for a month too so im on my own wth my children-who are also poorly. Im not sure how on earth i will manage.

The CBT booklet sounds good, im starting to work from one with my councellor but cant remember who it is by. I can get over the agoraphobia bit most of the time but struggle with the inward thinking and analysing how i feel every minute etc and how bad the panic is at each moment. I feel pretty useless with it at the minute as its so controlling. Although i know the key is to control it, i just dont know how yet. This has to be the toughest thing i have ever dealt with in my life.

[Snowshadow]

This definitely is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with too... and I've even had cancer! Plus had to leave my first husband as he was abusive... NOT an easy thing to do with two children. But dealing with anxiety and panic is the worst. But stick with the CBT... it really does help... it's amazing actually... but it does take time and practice. But so worth it. It's truly incredible how our thinking affects us!

[blackberry]

Just reading through this post and I'm in the same position re; taking my child to school and feeling like I'm going to 'freak out'. I also find the panic and dread harder to control when I have the responsibility of my child. Am I a bad mum? It's so much easier for me to go shopping etc. by myself rather than to take her along. Is this wrong? I know I shouldnt take the easy way out by going alone but its difficult staying in a shop while I'm panicking with my child saying 'can I have this can I have that!'

[IloveJoshHolloway]

Hi Hun. Im going through the same thing at the moment. Some days I feel I can take my kids to school other days I cant.
Cant really offer advice but sending you positive thoughts and big hugs. xxx

[tanya 1]

hi bagpuss,yeah im ok sometimes i go through periods of feeling down and coming on here all the time to be honest was making me feel worse because i was thinking about my problems too much so i didnt come on here for a couple of days and i feel much better now,sometimes i go through fazes of looking for answers to my problems all the time so i just take a step back and try to focuse on other things in my life and push the panic to the back of my mind,im down on the playgroup rota for helping out next tuesday which i havent done since before christmas so i will see how that goes,hope your ok and feel better x x x

and thank you to snowshadow,blackberry and ilovejoshholloway for also replying it means a lot to me to know other people are out there who are going through the same things as me because sometimes you get so caught up in your own problems that you think your the only 1 so thanks guys x x x x x
tanya 1

[tanya 1]

ok so its sunday night and now im starting to feel really panicky and upset because tomorrow morning ive got to take my daughter to school on my own which is 10 minutes walking down the road but im dreading it and dont think i can do it,why do i feel so alone and always want someone to be with me ? im supposed to be the mother holding my daughters hand to school but so feel like i need someone to hold my hand ? im just really sad and fed up with it now.
tanya 1 x

[ladybird64]

ok so its sunday night and now im starting to feel really panicky and upset because tomorrow morning ive got to take my daughter to school on my own which is 10 minutes walking down the road but im dreading it and dont think i can do it,why do i feel so alone and always want someone to be with me ? im supposed to be the mother holding my daughters hand to school but so feel like i need someone to hold my hand ? im just really sad and fed up with it now.
tanya 1 x

Tanya, this is the way we all feel hun, don't let guilt add to your difficulties.
I do the same with my daughter..she is 18 but has the mental capability of someone much younger and I know logically that she can't help me if I panic..but when we're frightened logic doesn't come into it.
I do know what it's like to build up the fear in your mind..I always mentally "walk" my route about 20 times before I even leave the house so by the time I do leave..well, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.
But it may not happen tomorrow just because it's happened before. If it does, try and slow your pace although I know the tempation is to walk at a zillion miles and hour..rushing just increases the adrenaline being released.
Take some water, mobile, whatever you think may help and if you do feel yourself "losing it" put a hand on your tummy to make sure you're breathing properly. Seems obvious and I didn't believe it until I did just that and found out I was breathing very strangely!
If you can't make it, you can try again. However, I would advise you to see your doc if you haven't already, you may need some extra help.

Good luck

[tanya 1]

thanks laydybird for your advice,i just work myself up about it all the time and feel so guilty,i went to the doctors about 2 weeks ago but he cant give me anything else because im allready on 20mg citralopram,it really helps when people reply to my posts because i dont feel so alone then so thanks,i think sometimes i just need somebody to talk to about my problems who understands.
tanya 1 x

[bagpuss]

How did it go today? Maybe the doctor could up the dose of citalopram? Ive just gone up to 40 from 20 and its beginning to help. Today is the first day i havnt woke up shaking and wondering how to get through the morning.

xxx

[tanya 1]

hi bagpuss,i had to phone my mother in law to come and give me a lift down to the school this morning because i just felt i couldnt do it on my own then because i look after my disabled brother on mondays my mum went to pick her up,im helping out in playgroup in the morning but not too worried about that because my boyfriends off work tomorrow so hes there if i need him,so will see how tomorrow goes.
tanya 1 x