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Thread: Scared of suicide, scared of dying ect..

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    94

    Scared of suicide, scared of dying ect..

    I've had a bad year, looking back I think I had a nervous breakdown in April which led to the way I feel, this was caused a few issues in my life (poorly daughter/scared of dying/swine flu thoughts)

    This led me in a downward spiral which led me to the doctors who prescribed 20mg citrapromol

    It took ages for them to work, over 8 weeks I estimate when looking back.

    Thinks started to improve over time, until the latest bombshell, my Mrs is not in love with me anymore and wants a divorce, I'm moving out of the house next Saturday, no turning back, she's moved on and meeting new people etc...

    I do feel down again but different to how I felt back in April, its weird but I know I can fight heartache etc from splitting up after 10 years, but I hate the thought of going back to how I was in April, that was the worst feeling I've ever experienced. Bottomless pit etc

    I wonder if I feel this way because I still taking the med's.

    The scary thing is my mrs blames the meds saying I'm not who I used to be.. I would come off them, shes scared of mental health which I don't blame her because I was before I felt like this.

    This forum is great though, good to see other people feel the same and to see how they cope/recover!

    Thanks guys and Girls, it helps just writing this

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    218

    Re: Scared of suicide, scared of dying ect..

    Hi Bigmo,

    I am so very sorry for all the turmoil that you have endured and know that you are not alone in how you feel.

    I know that dark pit you are speaking of and I have been there for almost 2 years and it is so scary and lonely. I have contemplated my life but I know that my family, despite the condition I am currently in, needs me tremendously. I think you mentioned you have a daughter? If so, can you imagine her life without you in it? I know things are hard right now, but you need to realize that this is part of the journey of life and although you feel you cannot survive - you can.

    Although it seems so many doors are closing for you at the time, you never know when a new one will open. Remember these thoughts are temporary and although they can seem like they will never go away, you have the power to fix it.

    I cannot give you advice in regards to medications but I would advise you to talk seriously with your doctor about stopping your medication. My doctor wants to put me on medicine and I am ready to drop her because I need to get to the "route cause" of my problems and work from there - not take a medicine to mask the problems. That is my opinion though.

    I wish you all the best and know that so many people are feeling the way you are. It is overwhelming when bad things all happen at once, but try to take one day at a time ( I know it is easier said than done). I promise that things will start to get better - we don't understand why things are happening at the time, but years from now, I am sure I will look back at this time and realize I made things bigger than they were. Try and focus on the positives in your life ( I know it is hard, but I know you have many positives around you) and you will become determined not to let the fear and depression get to you. Yes, we may have to go to the dark pit at times to get there, but it will be worth it in the end.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    94

    Re: Scared of suicide, scared of dying ect..

    Thanks Mya, you speak alot of sense, no 1 reason why I love this forum! The split with my wife is pretty amicable which I'm sure is making things easier. I don't hate her and visa versa, but she says we've just grown apart. I'm sure she loves a crisis in her life and things have been comfortable for quite a while, (probably boring!) We've discussed access to my daughter, 3 nights out of 7 isn't bad and even thought about selling the house and buying flats nearby each other.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    218

    Re: Scared of suicide, scared of dying ect..

    Bigmo,

    I am glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Maybe the split from your wife is what you both need right now. It may be part of the solution to getting you to the place you want to be. It is good that you are accepting that change and already making plans about your home. I think you are being guided in the right direction and always remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel. May be hard to see right now but it will appear over time. Good luck and take care.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    94

    Re: Scared of suicide, scared of dying ect..

    Just to follow on from my previous post, things have progressed, almost 4 months onward, New house, new girlfriend and having the feeling that i can cope with this all. Glad to report the meds have definitely helped me get back onto the road to recovery, just a bit scared to stop them just incase....

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    2,587

    Re: Scared of suicide, scared of dying ect..

    this is great Bigmo that you have come back on here and posted to let us know that you have turned your life around. Congratulations on the new house and girlfriend. I suggest that you withdraw/come off meds only when you feel ready to do so. Well done!

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