suicide thoughts from ocd?

[fed up with it]

Hi i have had anxiety for years, but have recently had some intrusive thoughts, i am stuck all the time with suicide thoughts they were orginally fleeting then when i saw mark speight on the news that he had hung him self, i started to be worried about being left alone incase i acted on them. I couldnt look at the dogs lead with out thinking i was going to use it to hang myself? Now i have them all day and it feels like i could act on them, the doctor and therapist i see are saying they are from ocd NOT depression? any views does anyone else suffer from this?

[gtrgrl3369]

I also went through the what if I kill myself phase where I would hide all of the knives for just in case, just remember that these are thoughts also and will go away a soon as you dont fear them. For people with OCD those "what if" thoughts are always aound the coner just waiting for us to let the in. Close the door on them and try not to fear them. Take care.

[bumbles]

I get these toughts aswell and I know how scary they can be. It is very hard to see them as just thoughts but I am trying, I find it especially hard in the long hours of the night. I have had it before at other high anxiety times, in between have been quite good hopefully I will be shot of the little monster soon. I know it sounds daft but i dont want to die so i dont understand this. They are just empty thoughts not to attach danger to.

[fed up with it]

Hi thanks for your replies. It is so hard to accept them as just thoughts when they seem so real. Today i picked up my diary and in opened up a page in july 2209, and i thought i wonder whether i will be alive then or i will have acted on them, how can i be sure they wont overwelm me and i will act on them?

[PUGLETMUM]

currently going through the same thing, but with realtion to hurting my daughter, which has also this time extended to hurting my husband or neice who is staying here.

now i felt the same as you when i first had these thoughts when my daughter was aound 2, i practically gave all care of her to my mother-in-law unless i knew i could get hold of someone - so i couldnt get to where n=my huband worked becasue it was 10 miles away and at that time i couldnt get there - i now can - and she waould have to be at thome for me to be able to have her at our home.

this has caused so many problems for us, because eventually my mother-in-law started to try to take over and i sort of had to fight back which has left things in tatters and me and my husband very strained over wha the regards as my rejection of his mum.

anyway sorry to waffle - the point im trying to make is this - we get these thoughts when we are going through a period of anxiety/depression and we then really add alot of significance to these thoughts, earlier in my life i was convinced i was going mad! im not and never have been. anxiety makes us think and act in odd ways it doesn thactually mean you have ocd.

or it doesnt mean you can tget rid of them, but im finding that my mindfullness practice is helping me - they ar estill happening and to some extent distressing me, but much less so, becasue i dont see these thoughts as being the sum total of who i am, and i know that the aversion you feel to them actually only makes them stronger - ge tup close to them, explore them,a nd i think you will find all they represent is your fear of loss of control? tc, emma

[gtrgrl3369]

You wont hurt yourself or anyone else because you know it is not the right thing to do. The thoughts you are having are there because it is what scares you most. You dont want to die so you thoughts are on suicide. You will be here next year and the one after that. We have though of things we fear. That is why they hang on so long. Tae care and remember at they are only thoughts.

[fed up with it]

Hi so how can i be sure they are from anxiety that i wont act on or depression which could make me act on them? I did have them first on going crazy with a knife when i was alone with kids and then phsically hitting out once i had hid them all.

[bumbles]

Hi Carole I have exactly the same thoughts as you and the one you had previous, Your last thoughts did not come true and there is scientific evidence to tell you it wont happen this time. I feel for you I really do I know from bitter experience that it is tormenting but with medicationa nd CBT you can get better I had a good 10 years without much problem. It has only recently come back to haunt me but I aint going to let it stay. Read all about why you get them learn about it and take the mystery out of it process alll the imformation you can and tell the thoughts to go to H***

Good happy htought coming your way sweetie

[fed up with it]

Hi thanks for your reply, the hardest thing is that i am scared to take medication i have a massive pill phobia (fear of side effects/allergic reaction) i have also waited 12 months for cbt and seem to be getting no where i had to pay privately for it and cant afford to go, the doctor gave me diazepam.

[bumbles]

Oh Carole how useless is havig to wait a year for CBT when we are in trouble we need help now dont we no wonder people get so ill. At least you can come here for support. Dont worry about your thoughts for someone on here they are perfectly normal.