My Scary Sectioning Experience

[Spot-the-frog]

Will you be able to tell someone that you don't want to take this drug again or is it a case of having to get it into your system?

Sending loads of

[steveo]

Just woke up again. (if you can call it being awake).

I told the nurse this morning at 8am that I won't be taking it again. She said that it will take a couple of weeks for my body to get used to the sedating side effects and I said that there is no way that I am going through another single night of that again.

I feel achy and tired like I have the flu. It's a very weird feeling. I can feel my brain being taken hostage.

[Speranza]

How truly awful. :(

[Lissa101]

Steve, are you getting any regular talking therapies such as psychotherapy, psychiatry, CBT, councilling ect? I know you see a psychiatrist but are you getting a chance to talk about anything other than meds with him? I think this is really important as otherwise all you have to do is sit around and worry about what the meds are doing to you. While the classes on offer seem well meaning and rather funny they don't sound very relaxing at all!

x

[steveo]

No I'm only getting weekly sessions with the consultant regarding my meds. Apart from that I see no one and do nothing but sit in a ridiculously hot bedroom all day. It's torture.

:(

[clio51]

Hi Steven,

we need you back as before not drugged up!!! whilst this is a SE who wants to be like a zombie for two weeks.

You know my episode on it! and i just said im not taking it any more fainting is one of my fears. When I was in my 20s i was always fainting, so no no no was i having that again. But I wasnt in hospital? but its your body.

Cant you tell them you want to get the cipralex at 20mg into your system first and see how you go on that with the aid of diazepam as and when needed.

They are in to much of a rush to get you out, and not giving you enough time on the med to see if you settle better on the increase.

All these classes are ok, but you have to feel slightly better to gain any benefits.How on earth can you go whilst having SE like you are doing.

Do you know when your sectioned how long a patient is allowed to stay in hospital before being told your being discharged? Because you dont want to come out till your stable otherwise that time in there as been a waste of time you need to be able to function and some normality back.

Take Care. xx

[SarahH]

Steve you must be terrified I dont know what to suggest other than what others have said on here....

Thinking of you and wishing you well

Sarah

[flossie]

I haven't any words to help you Steve so have a hug instead

[steveo]

Thanks guys. I'm a bit more back to myself. That was the worst experience of my life. I felt like a part of my brain was being put to sleep. Last night was frightening. Today I was a zombie.

I've had a really really bad day today, not really to do with anxiety either. I'm just upset at the mess I'm in and why I'm unable to get better. I'm annoyed that no one is bothering to do simple things such as help me to go outside. They just allow me to lie on my bed all day long without saying a word. I asked to see a doctor regarding the Quetiapine and 5 hours later the SHO popped his busy head in my door and I told him what happened. He just said 'ok I'll cross that drug off your list'. He gave me 45 seconds of his precious time. Now to wait until wednesday to see what the next poison will be pumped in me.
My mum finally rang me today. I spoke to her for a few hours. She lives in London. Apparently my dad hasn't tried to get in contact with me because he's UPSET with ME?! He's the victim here. Apparently he's having counselling. Some of you may say 'well he has had a hard time putting up with having his son so ill' but I know him and know that he loves to play the victim. The night I got arrested he claimed that he too was suffering heart problems and was worried he was having a heart attack. He's used this excuse a thousand times that no one will listen when he really does have one. When the ambulance turned up to see my tiny baby cuts on my arm, he then decided to whine to the ambulance crew and get his heart seen to. Now this all may seem rather believable but in the minutes before everyone arrived, he was downstairs vacuuming the carpets at 9pm at night. It was all show so people would think he's the victim and he's suffering.

I told my mum that there are lots of letters and paperwork at home I need and she rang my dad to get them sent over. He said he might be able to but he's out playing bowls with a few friends and might be going to a BBQ tonight. I'm only 2 miles down the road.

Everything has really really got on top of me today. Really badly. It will pass later on or tomorrow but for most of this afternoon I've been incredibly upset with everything. If only I had my health, then I can pick up the broken pieces of my life back together myself and find myself a flat and start a new life but I don't even have the ability to step outside this place.

I'm starting to lose the plot being in here. I yearn for adult conversation. I, like the rest of the human population, loves to not be in my room on my own brewing up anxiety all day. I got really annoyed when I was out in the dining area for my dinner a minute ago. The conversations that I was surrounded by got to me for the first time ever today. Just pure nonsense left right and center coupled with very peculiar behaviour. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being nasty at all! I have nothing against people like that and I'm happy they are in here being looked after, but I consider myself quite a highly educated individual who also owns his own business so 14 days in here is really starting to break my spirit. Some new patient today (a scruffy bearded man wearing a long skirt) walked past me today whilst I was having my dinner and just stopped and stared at me, right next to me. I had to bite my tongue in order not to ask him what the hell he was staring at! That's not me at all!!

I think that's why I like to write my experiences so much in here. It gives me an outlet where I can speak (type) intelligently and coherently with other intelligent like minded individuals.

I'm completely broken today. My mental health is getting no better, infact I would say it's massively declined in here. I don't want to be in here anymore but at the same time I'm scared to step foot outside this building.

I'm just listening to some Ludovico Einaudi to try and calm me down. I'm close to breaking point right now so I'm trying VERY HARD to pull myself back a couple of inches.

Steven x

[BobbyDog]

You are doing so well Steve, devastating to hear what is going on with you at the moment, you are being so so strong, it would have broken a lesser man than you.x