so scared

[dela]

So here we are another day. I keep reminding myself that it’s a day nearer relief . The routine of each day is tedious and repetitive. Do something enjoyable some might say. Enjoyable, enjoy.. hard to know what that means. I’m at work at present.. things are quiet.. I have to go to the next town at lunch time to go to the bank. It’s only 5 minutes by train. Hate going. Nothing will happen to me. I just feel scared of doing it. I will just keep breathing and remind that I am safe.

My wife is encouraging us to have a holiday soon. I worry worry worry about the financial aspect although we will opt for a cheap deal. I find it difficult to think about making plans of any kind. Even down to what I will do this evening. I just want to feel safe …probably want to hide away.

So what is it that is making me feel scared. Does it matter?

My thinking seems to have a flaw. Which leads to anxiety and then depression.

Although I know that dep is no respecter of status or position I keep getting a hammering that I “should” be able to get rid of it.This sort of thing “doesn’t happen in my family” I’m beginning to ramble .

Just looking for some encouragement

Apattern that I have followed is hooking up with people in a place such as on this forum. When I feel a bit better it’s like I’m a different person. I probably will end up not visiting here. It’s like I will deny ever feeling unwell. I want to be able to offer support but I don’t feel confident, in fact I feel scared about giving support and encouragement. I feel like running “away” So many of you here are really supportive and you give of yourselves all the time. (This is just another pattern of me being hard on myself!!!)

I feel scared…..

[Coni]

Hi,

I just read your post and wanted to say you sound so much like me. Sometimes I think I'm scared of everything. Today is my day off and have I doen something constructive...no. I thought about going to the gym (excercise is supposed to be good for mental health) but I cant face going in. I dont know what I'm afraid of, just the thought of having to walk into the place in front of everyone. I cant even walk along my own street cos I'm afraid people will see me. I'm not agrophobic though, I can go out in the car and go to work.

Work is another one...I hate my job, its very stressful, I had to work really hard to get it, my family supported me all the way and now I hate it. I cant do it. Work triggered my depression/anxiety a year ago and I've never been the same since. I'm so ashamed of myself for feeling like this, but I am paralysed by fear and unable to move on.

Have you seen your GP about how you are feeling? I am having counselling and find just being able to be completely honest with someone, knowing they wont judge you is very helpful.

I also understand about not feeling able to offer support. I read posts on here but am usually too scared to reply cos I feel I dont have anything worthwhile to offer. Today I have 'made 'myself respond to two, though they are probably not much use.

Sorry if I've not been much use...just wanted to let you know your post struck a chord with me and youre not on your own.

Take care
Coni

[Paddington]

dear dela and coni,well coni first,you replied to me sweet heart and it helped a great deal,as will yor reply to dela,you see both of you that's how it works!One little step,telling your story,replying to posts and then you realise you have a huge support network!I was the same when i first started.One line is all iput!!But bit by bit,i felt more a part of the forum and now there is no stoppin me!Dela,i dont think you will stop posting when you feel better ,as you will want toshare the joy of it,it's part of thehealing process,honest.I am so sorry you are having a vile scarey day,post again ,all day if you want to,there is always someone who will listen.Have you read the post on nlp?I think its the way forward i really do.It is called'what is fear' by carldourish.check it out Dela and you to Coni.It just puts a different slant on things[you'll find it in search]love to you both.keep in touch.mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore

[sal]

To you both

It isnt easy and Dela it takes a lot of time and we have all wanted to hide away and we worry about the smallest issues we can find and the anxiety takes over and it becomes a mountain we dont even want to look at let alone try to clime. Take your time and take a lot of deep breaths and remember the person you were, as it is so easy to lose that in the depth of it all, that person will re-emerge and will be stronger and better for what you have gone through. You will have learnt coping strategies you never thought existed and will look at life in a positive sense again. It is within your reach and however i can help you to get there i will. To me like you i couldnt see it and questioned every positive person that wanted to help. I asked how they could understand but on here they do and we will help you all we can.

You are not alone at all in this.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".