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Thread: problems with a teenager

  1. #1
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    problems with a teenager

    hi, first im sorry if the post has no relevance to panic or anxiety but im really just looking for advice from anyone.
    i came across a conversation my 13 yr old daughter had with a boy who 'claimed' to be 14 on her msn messenger today. in this convo he was begging her to put her cam on and asking her to bend over, show her boobs etc etc..it got worse but im sure no one wants the full details. thankfully she said no and made excuses to all this but was obviously loving the attention.
    ive given her a huge lecture and made her delete most of her contacts, ive scared the life out of her tonight by threatening to call he father/police..you name it. the pc is in our living room so she is rarely alone, i must have been putting the kids to bed when all this was said.
    what angers me is the pressure he was putting her under, and that perhaps he was not 14 but 40 or something.
    what would other parents do under this situation..i even added him to mine, hoping he would try it on with me, but he didnt. so i told him who i was and threatened him. he didnt seem to care and even dared to call me a pedo for having a conversation with him! he was still online at half past 12 am..surely if he was 14 he wouldnt be online at that time?
    ok sorry for the long post but im shocked by this and feeling highly anxious.

  2. #2
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    Hi Sassy.

    Teenagers are a real worry aren't they? I think you've done the right thing with regard to giving her a lecture etc as she needs to be aware of the fact that people may not be who they say they are. If I were you I'd remove the webcam (if she has one) - it'll be safer.

    However, I must say that it is probably quite likely that a young lad would be on his PC at that time of night, especially during the holidays. When he was that age, I caught my own son a few times on there at some ungodly hour - usually if I needed to get up for the loo in the night. It's like the modern day version of reading comics with a torch under the bedclothes I suppose.

    However, there is no excuse for the kind of conduct you describe.

    Well done for protecting her and try not to be too anxious. I expect she'll be rather more wary from now on.

    Eeb x

  3. #3
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    Sassy,

    I am not looking forward to 13 or 14! It's such a scary time for children these days. They have access to way more than when I was growing up. What happened to playing hide and seek?!?!
    You're doing a great job w/giving her the lecture and keeping the pc in the living room. Keep up the good work.

    Tina

  4. #4
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    thanks for your replys, it was late last night and i found myself getting in a bit of a tis over this. i think that at the end of the day, you go merrily along with your kids and you really dont think they would listen to such trash..she used to tell me when someone said something remotley rude to her, now i guess its a bit of attention and its exciting. i should thank my lucky stars that she didnt participate.
    he prob was just a horny 14 yr old, but there were one or two things he saud that didnt sound like they'd come out the mouth of a kid, things that sent alarm bells ringing. i suppose i should be glad she's at home listening to stuff like this and not on the streets.
    anyhow..he's deleted and knows we are on to him i guess thats lesson number one in hormonal teenagers lol

  5. #5
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    Well done Sassy for nipping this in the bud, you have done all the right things, but i can understand how unsettling it is for you.

    When my two were very young, my neighbour at the time said something to me on the lines of 'when they are babies they give you arm ache, and when they get older they give you heartache' how true is that at times!

    If i were you i would look up on the net and find stories of young people that meet up with 'people' they have chatted to, thinking they are the same age, only to find they are middle aged men, and show them to her.

    It's not easy being a mum is it...after all we have no manuals!

    I wish you well.

    Trishx

  6. #6
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    Hi Sassy,

    I think youve handled this really well, and youve also obviously got a great relationship with your daughter. I have a 14 year old boy and I think he spends way too much time on msn (I regularly threaten to hide the computer). His argument is its just like chatting on the phone, to lots of people at once. I have emphasised that he should only talk to people he knows personally, and I do sometimes sit myself down beside him, or have a look as I'm walking past.

    I only hope though that he's conducting himself properly and not having dubious conversations with girls!! Strangely I never thought of that. I dont think he would....at least I hope he wouldnt....we've done all the respecting girls stuff......oh god I can feel a mother/son chat coming on just in case lol!!

    Its such a worry being a parent isnt it?

    Thanks again Sassy for highlighting something I hadnt given much thought to (think I'll include my 12 year old in the mother/son conversation too)

    Take care

    Coni X

  7. #7
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    hi coni, the one thing i did do (thank god) was make sure i ticked the box that saves every single conversation she has on msn messenger. thats how i found this convo. if i hadnt, i would have been none the wiser and she may well have given in to his demands.
    i also sat with her for an hour and went thru every single contact she has..there was two 'boys/men' on there that she had no idea of who they were. in all, she had roughly 100 contacts..we must have deleted about 50 of whom she never spoke to or rarely new. what alarmed me the most is that it was her 13 yr old friend who gave her these contacts. it seems her friend has a picture of herself in her bra which she puts on her msn and last week asked my daughter to do the same. luckily she refused. this girl goes on her pc with the door locked in a downstairs room and has various pictures of her making seductive faces on msn. not only that, but she apparently has a 17 yr old boyfriend. this boy that i caught talking to alice has also asked her friend to do various acts on cam..i only hope she hasnt but i have the feeling that maybe she has.

  8. #8
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    this girls parents have no idea (at least i assume they dont), of what their daughter is doing on msn. i plan to call them first thing monday when they return from their week end away. how do i approach the parents? i dont want to make it sound like im accusing them but i feel its my duty to make them aware before something happens to this girl or before she gets too out of hand.

  9. #9
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    Hi Sassy,

    I think you just say more or less what you've said on here and emphasise that your doing it out of concern for the girl. Maybe you could approach the subject by broadly saying you are concerned by some of the things you've heard about msn and take it from there.

    Its very difficult isnt it, especially if the girls parents arent aware of any of this.

    Remember though that if this was your daughter, I'm sure you'd rather know what was going on so youd have an opportunity to deal with it. I know I would.

    You seem really caring and sensitive and I'm sure that will come across. You're handling this really well.....these are the kind of situations I get myself in a real tizz over so you're doing better than I would.

    Let me know how it goes or if you want to chat pm me anytime.

    Coni X

  10. #10
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    thanks heaps coni, your right, id want to know if it was my daughter.
    x

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