I feel like I am going to die

[coffeemug30uk]

Dear All,

Hello. I have never written on a forum like this before. But I am going through a personal hell, and am struggling to get through it.

It all started 6 weeks ago when I found a lump on my knee. I had scans and XRs done followed by surgery to remove a soft tissue tumour last week. I have been in a constant state of panic ever since.

I have been feeling on edge, having constant thoughts that the diagnosis is going to be cancer and that it is going to be the worst kind, and that it is going to be painful and prolonged.

I cannot get these thoughts out of my head, I feel as if there is a heavy weight on my chest, my heart is pounding and my hands have been clammy for the last 2 weeks. I am struggling to concentrate on anything and I am sleeping really badly.

I have lost a little weight and that to me has become a sign of terminal cancer. Every minor physical symptom has become impossible for me to ignore.

I cannot face eating though I am trying to make myself. I cannot face the thought of returning to work though I know I have to. I am drinking alcohol to alleviate the anxiety but only during the evenings and not too heavily.

I do not really know how long this is going to last for. Nor do I know what it is going to be like after I have got the results of the lump from the doctor.

I have an overwhelming sadness about it and spend a lot of my day crying to my family and girlfriend. Everyone tells me to not give up, to think positively but I do not think I am succeeding.

I do not know what to do anymore so decided to search the net for help and came across this website.

Thanks for listening.

[trac67]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

Sorry to hear what you have been through, but do try to stay positive, and keep yourself occupied while you wait for the test results to come back.

Take care

Trac xx



'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[nomorepanic]

Hi there

Welcome aboard the forum.

Sorry to hear about your worries. When do you get the results?

Is it just this worry that is causing you all the anguish or do you have any other health worries as well?

Nicola

[coffeemug30uk]

I have been living with anxiety about the lump for 6 weeks and it has driven me to complete meltdown....

I hope that the results will be available in the next 2 weeks.

[nomorepanic]

I can understand your worries. What did the doctor say in terms of it likely to be cancerous. I have never heard of lumps on knees being cancer.

Did they do nothing to reassure you?

Nicola

[Tomimo]

Sorry to hear that you have been through such a rough time.

It is completely normal to worry when you face an uncertainty but try not to let it take over your life.

I hope you get the results soon and that they put your mind at rest.

You have come to the right place for support :0

Annie x

[coffeemug30uk]

The consultant thought it was benign. He gave me no further information other than to wait for the histology to come back before he could be more sure.

I think that I have let my worst fears overtake me completely so that I have become paralysed.

I have just read some of the articles on dealing with panics and anxiety and shall try and give them a go. I shall try and be positive...I shall also try and stop myself from ruminating about these negative thoughts.

[Piglet]

Sending you a big hug - no one likes waiting for results of anything.

Try your very best to keep occupied and let us know how you get on - by the way I agree with Nic.

Take care hun.

Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[polly a]

hi there coffee,sorry to hear you are going through hell waiting for your results,docs found a shadow on my lung and i got called back for more x rays,i got the phonecall to say all was well ,then hours later they rang back and said they wasnt sure id to have more done,by this time i was building videos and photos up of me for the grandchildren,almost planned my funeral,both my parents died of lung cancer,but i cant believe how the fear took over and the negativity,it starts as a seed of doubt and grows into a monster,the doc that took it out must think it is benign to say it,im sure if he thought it looked dodgy he would not of said anything at all,by the way my results were clear,and im sure yours will be too.all the best pollyxx

p appleyard