fear of schiz...now 3 years

[vekiqf]

Hi all
I suffer from Pure O for 13 years now and I had wonderful 6 years symptoms free in meantime. Pls hear my story below:
It stared in 2001 with thoughts that I have testicular cancer and I went from doctor to doctor as I thought that I am misdiagnosed – this type I had for few months I think. After that thoughts that I am pedo started after I watched on TV police action against pedophiles with some disturbing scenes and this was very bad I started to avoid kids,when I see kids on TV I changed the channel etc after 2 years it stopped and I was totally symptom free until 2012 when same obsession returned ( In meantime I had thoughts that I will get DT as I was going out a lot to clubs and was drinking so I dont know was this also OCD theme as I was anxious and was investigating on Dr. Google about it ) After few months of pedo theme new obsession came and overpassed pedo one…I started to think that I will become a serial killer like Dhamer, Bundy, Gacy etc that I will flip and start to do similar things and in that time I felt awful and very very anxious with thoughts I am monster, Am I monster, Why I am thinking about this, Will I am able to do such staff etc. This lasted for few months and for last 2 years I have a fear of Schiz…Paranoid type as one therapist told me that I can only develop that type at my age I am 35 old male. I started to surf on net about schiz, to read about schiz, to be anxious when I hear schiz or see something about it on TV. I started to think that I will finish i mental hospital that I am loosing my mind. Many bizarre thoughts pop or popped on my mind. Like that water is poisoned, that somebody is a devil, that my wife is against and I know that this is ******** and not true but I couldnt stop obsessing and when I get this thought I first say to myself this is it I am crazy. I started to smoke more and I heard that schizophrenics smoke a lot so I connected also this to myself. I visited 5 therapists in last 2 years and all of them told me that there is no chance that I will develop schiz but I am still thinking about it and still have these stupid thoughts.
Worst thing came after my son was born 6 months ago I started to have thoughts what if he is Demian and I know that this is bulls*** but these thoughts cant stop to pop on my mind. After these thoughts I think yes this is it I am crazy, this is paranoid schiz as people with it have these thoughts, why I have these thoughts, why I have doubt about these thoughts If I know that it is stupid, If I have doubt am I loosing my mind etc. Few days ago one schiz guy was in papers who killed hes 15 day old baby as god told him to do that and after that anxiety was so strong as I started to think what If I do the same etc
I must say that I feel very bad and cant relax…when I see my beautiful son that I love so much tears come from my eyes for what I am thinking
Am I loosing touch with reality and am I paranoid schizophrenic?Is this prodromal phase

[Oosh]

Relax.

I think you've thought way too much about subjects like schiz and you've learned way too much about it. You only succeed in giving yourself more things to monitor yourself for.

You have fears, that's all. I have them too. You are ok. They will leave you alone when you learn to not think about them.

Their presence isn't a sign that you are these things. Their presence are just suggestions and fears. There is a big element of doubt followed by panic. But at no point are there any indications that you ARE these things you fear. Recognise it. Discard it. Then discard it over and over again in an instant.

What it does show you is you are prone to these suggestions, prone to the doubt and prone to the panic. This shows you that you need to develop new thought patterns to sidestep and dismiss these suggestions in an instant when they come. It takes practice. You have to learn to avoid anxiety provoking suggestions and forget. Don't think about it anymore. Ruin what you've learned.

I heard schiz people eat cake on Thursdays, wear odd socks on Sunday's sometimes with holes in, enjoy driving cars, find it hard to give up smoking, enjoy sleeping at night, aspire to climb Mount Everest etc etc
Ruin what you know and forget. You are ok.

[machassan]

Ok,
Think about that
Ocd strategy
All ocd persons are anxious plus fear of uncertainity
That you tend to fuse all anxiety to on e anxious issue ,,, in a severe form so that you forget all other anxieties !!!!
The result : when you get out of one ocd you enter another one !!
Another mechanism you do is thought action fusion , that you think all your fears are true as if it happened , because this is a strategy of severe anxiety , each anxious thought enter the hamster wheel and run quickly
Any idea that run quickly many times in the brain , the brain think as if it is true
Only ideas that have a great value to the person form ocds
And only ideas that hold uncertainity form ocd

So lets apply that for your ocd
An idea with a great value (suffering as a psychotic person) and hold uncertainity ( no one how he can be schiz) entered the hamster wheel , then it comes real to your mind as if it occured , and you get emotion ( sadness ) of being schiz ...... loooool
All that is fake
What you need is to take medications like ssri to relieve stress to break this cycle
And to search for a therzpixh specialized in ocd to have ( acceptance and commitment therapy)
And you will be ok , and enjoy your life

[Lilly13]

Hi,

I had this exact same fear for two years, ironically now I work with people who suffer from schizophrenia as I am completing a masters in therapy and social work.

Please look at this link :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6CILJA110Y

She is a women who has schizophrenia, however she is also a law professor and is married. She is able to control this illness, as many are. I am in no way saying that you are developing this, because you are not. But I find that the best way to get over this fear is to stop being afraid.

What you are describing are INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, I had this exact same thing, as I had thoughts that my boyfriend was poisoning me, I thought I was becoming delusional. However, I did not TRULY believe these thoughts. The difference between people with OCD and people with schizophrenia is clear to psychologists, people with schizophrenia truly believe that these thoughts are real. They do not doubt them, they do not know that these are delusions, to them these thoughts are valid and real. You know that your baby is not dangerous. You are afraid of the fact that you are having these thoughts. These thoughts are common in OCD.

Please trust me, people who are developing schizophrenia do not know that their thoughts and behaviours are abnormal. They think that everyone else is abnormal for not seeing and thinking what they think.

Please private message me if you would like, I have overcome this fear 100% and I am very educated in this illness as I work with people with schizophrenia for a living.

Best wishes,

Lilly