Salutations everyone....
New to the board....thank goodness I found this place. I spent all night last night, in near panic, reading peoples posts....trying to feel better.
I've had anxiety all my life, even at a young age. I remember at age 9 it was pretty bad. I used to jump on a trampoline at my marina. Everytime before taking a flip, I'd swallow to make sure I didn't choke in mid flip. It became an obsession and so I'd swallow several times until I had no saliva left....and then I'd panic about it.
This turned into a two year long problem, where, I'd have to carry water around with me EVERYWHERE I went, incase I had a 'swallowing problem'. In addition to this, I thought I had a dangerous lump growing in my throat, and that it would eventually kill me, or choke me. I had a horrible fear of death for as long as I can remember....don't think it's normal of a young child:-(
On and off my entire life, I'd have months where the attacks would happen a lot....and then settle down.
Last October my Grandmother (who was my best friend) was found dead on her bedroom floor....and I think that is what triggered these attacks again. I had never seen a dead body in my life, and of course, it got me to thinking about death once again. I even had a dream of how she died....I was in her body, and I felt the life being drained from me....knowing for two seconds that 'something was wrong'. It was frightening but I was used to these dreams. I have died in every way imaginable in my sleep, from drowning, to falling (yes I DO hit the ground every time!), to being shot and choking. All seem to be centered on the actual 'knowing I am going to die' and then 'fading out and saying goodbye to life'.
This has transferred to real life, and so, when I panic, I panic about the 'fading into death' thing.
For the last two weeks, I have been having symptoms of tingling numbness on the left top side of my head. After I have a panic attack about it, it moves to the left side of my face, and sometimes my neck. I could swear I am having a stroke....and I even looked it up the first time it happened. What I found was 'starting symptoms of an aneurysm', which freaked me out.
For the last two weeks, I have these 'attacks' along with the numb feeling every night between 8:30-10pm. I keep telling myself I am fine....that it's only panic, but I just don't know anymore. I do have all the symptoms of an attack. Intense and insane fear and horror, feeling like I'm going insane, detached from the world, feeling like I need to escape, cold/hot flashes, sweating, trembling, weight on chest, hard to breath, dizziness, pounding heart, getting words mixed up, and general confusion. Last night during my biggest attack yet, my depth perception went and I could see the outline of the objects around me, but not the middles, if you know what I mean.
The tingling now has turned into an intense burning sensation, where I keep trying to cool my head by touching it, or scratching it. This happened for the first time last night.
Now, I am thinking this has happened because of a lifestyle change. I am giving up my condo on the lake, putting my things in storage, and doing what I've always wanted to do: RV across the US and Canada. We're buying a luxury RV, and I couldn't be happier. I don't feel like I'm stressed about it, but the tenseness in my back and neck say otherwise! There is so much to do, and I feel overwhelmed....and we're still waiting to hear back and see if the financing is a GO, which is stressing me out a lot!
However, I don't have to be thinking about this stuff for an attack or 'sensation' to happen. I could be at the computer reading about something, or very into a show on TV. And then BAM, I'm up and running about, yelling and crying and trying to 'escape'.
I hate this. I don't know....maybe there is something wrong with me. A brain tumor, or an aneurysm waiting to explode in my head. I originally thought it was a stroke or a heart attack, but my ECG came back ok, and as far as the blood test went, my iron was the only thin
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