eye contact

[imcrazy]

I was never good with eye contact, i think it's because I can't concentrate on what people are saying if I'm staring into their distracting eyes which hold so much information~~~!!! (I have add btw and social anxiety)ANYONE FEEL THE SAME?

[pg8899]

yep, sometimes I try and look directly in their eyes, but after a few seconds I begin to feel they must think I'm crazy and that I'm staring at them in a sinister way.

I also can't concentrate at all on what they're saying if I'm looking straight into their eyes, my mind is just going "hold it, keep looking, ok look away, now look back etc, I wonder if that looked weird? etc..."!!!

I also notice its worse/better with certain people, I can look someone I just met in the eye but yet I never look my parents in the eye so its not about how close I am to someone.

ALSO lol if the person has something out of place on their face or a spot or something I often look back and forth between that and their eyes!

[imcrazy]

I know! its ironic because its polite to look at someone to let em know youre listening but its actually harder to follow them !!!!

---------- Post added at 14:52 ---------- Previous post was at 14:51 ----------

huge paradox

---------- Post added at 14:53 ---------- Previous post was at 14:52 ----------

plus if im not focused on the conversation it's even more uncomfortable so it feels like I'm staring

[Blade]

big thing for me too , i do try but i,m very concious when i,m doing it , how long is too long , then it takes over and i stop concentrating on the conversation , which ist good , another reason i like summer , Sunglasses !!!

[DaveUK40m]

I try and look at eyebrows and forhead. just glancing eyes. Dont forget to blink , look at eyes a little , and use cues like a laugh or something to break or point to something. I experimented with prolonged eye contact while trying to feel friendship, and it last a while , with your contactee braking away usually.. try it and you'll see we're all a bit nervous. So don't make a big deal out of it .

Look just away from direct eye. Looks the same, but doesnt have the mind in a tizzz x

[aquarian]

The good news is that it's possible to learn to be much better at eye contact. I did!

I used to be shy and socially awkward, with each aspect reinforcing the other. I didn't get much practice at social interaction because I felt shy, and in turn I felt shy because I was self-conscious and anxious about my awkwardness. Lack of eye contact was a definite symptom of this (and a case of me assuming the worst).

I don't think there was a specific "magic moment" for me -- I just found out gradually that I was improving. One of the great things about eye contact is that, when you get it right, you immediately start to get positive feedback from the other person, which enables you to practise further with increased confidence.

I try and look at eyebrows and forhead. just glancing eyes. Dont forget to blink , look at eyes a little , and use cues like a laugh or something to break or point to something. I experimented with prolonged eye contact while trying to feel friendship, and it last a while , with your contactee braking away usually.. try it and you'll see we're all a bit nervous. So don't make a big deal out of it .

Look just away from direct eye. Looks the same, but doesnt have the mind in a tizzz x

I think that advice is spot on. It's a question of balance -- not too little and not too much -- but the reassuring thing is there's quite a large margin of error with most people. I'd suggest also that you try to develop a sense of timing/pacing of the interaction with the other person. It's difficult to explain that in writing because it's quite subtle, but you'll get a warming sense of rapport when you do tune into it.

These days, when I'm feeling shy or unsure, I tend to "park" my eyes on the spot between the other person's eyebrows (seems to be a non-threatening parking spot for most people!). I then let my eyes sometimes dart down at key moments to make direct eye contact and sense a reaction. At other moments, I might let my eyes dart away to somewhere else in the scene to provide a bit of relief from any feeling that my eyes are burning into the other person's skull.

I'd encourage you to practise when you can. As I said earlier, one of the great things is that feedback tends to be immediate and positive. I can honestly say that, despite still being somewhat shy, it's an enormous joy for me to talk to people and experience the flashes of deeper connection that can flow from appropriate eye contact. I've found that women in particular tend to be good at giving non-verbal encouragement in this way if they sense that the other person is a bit shy -- possibly as part of a general nurturing instinct.

Good luck! I wish you success!

[AnxiousAnnie18]

I hate eye contact, I'm not confident so find it really embarrassing/awkward... It also makes me go red (and I'm blonde so I look like a tomato!) so I try to avoid it as much as I can!

[shadowlight]

i hate eye contact, the I cannot do it... I can just about look at my parter in eyes but that's it... however, I aalso have suspected aspergers so that probably doesn't help (assuming I have it as on a waiting list to be assessed currently)

I find it easier if someone has glasses on as then I can look at the rim of the glasses and they don't realise I am not looking them in the eye. Other wise I try to focus on their nose or just below the eyes as I can just about do that

[cometstail]

I find eye contact incredibly difficult, especially in a confrontational situation. When my boyfriend and I argue he'll constantly have to tell me to look at him, but I can only hold his gaze for a few seconds before I have to look away again. In other scenarios I still struggle, I often find myself staring at peoples' mouths when they talk, but then wonder if that is making THEM feel uncomfortable! Looking at eyebrows sounds like a good idea.

[Lion King]

I hate eye contact, when strangers look directly at me and make eye contact I automaticallt fear I have done something wring or I am under threat, so the anxiety/tension reacts making me look like a rabbit caught in the headlights! I hate this I wish I didn't do this, I have confidence but I can't stop this automatic reaction. I feel like I'm weak whenever this happens.

I'm ok with eye contact if I'm comfortable with the person I'm with but if not I'm a bit edgy, I feel like eye contact is important but not to a point where this becomes uncomfortable so the old avoidance comes into play. I think my fear is that people will think I'm weak!