Finding a partner/Dating when struggling with anxiety

[Dada222]

Hi everyone, hope this post will be taken seriously:

My question is, how have people with social anxiety and GAD managed to find company? I am currently 26 years old, male, never had a girlfriend and never had sex with another person. Loneliness is making me depressed. I have some friends but I would prefer to find someone that does not mind being close to me and doing more intimate things as well.

I have put loads of effort on dating, have met new people, tried dating sites, but it always tends to come down to me being rejected. I've been told that I am too quiet and not manly enough, whatever that means. I've tried different websites, going to social events etc but it seems like there is not much demand for a guy like me. I've been told that my looks are ok so it's probably not because of that.

People tell me things like "You'll find someone when you stop trying so hard" and "Everyone deserves someone", but year after year I stay alone. I find it extremely depressing and at times loneliness feels like too much. One might think it's not such a big issue and there are other important things in life, but one will not know how devastating it might feel unless they've been single for such a long time like me. Would love to have someone to hug me.

Would you have any advice? Any success stories? Any particular websites or dating apps? If you suffered from similar issues but managed to overcome them, how did that happen? Or simply, how did you meet your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend? Thanks in advance.

I am aware that this topic has probably been tackled several times before, apologies if it bothers anyone.

[Clydesdale Epona]

After many tried and failed relationships i met my current partner, it's been a struggle i won't lie, its rather hard dealing with anxiety and dating someone but its honestly dependent on who you're with in my experience,
i started dating my brothers best friend a year ago and honestly its been great, they make jokes everytime i'm feeling down or scared which cheers me up and in return i let them smother me(they're a real gooey romantic) i just feel like the balance is perfect and that really matters, i feel like when it comes to dating you have to be upfront and honest about things so each other knows what you're getting into x

[Bigboyuk]

Hi Dada If it's any consolation to you I am in the same boat as you Can I ask have you any friends atall? And I am not particular in looking for love etc that can go on the back burner for now real friendships are more important to me at the moment. But there is a site called http://www.nolongerlonely.com ok and yes it's a dating site but with one big difference all members have MH conditions so you wont be judged etc also you can just look for new understanding friends. The site is free and while you can pay a subscription you don't need to as every month you get a set number of free tokens to use (each month) as you would if you had a paid subscription with the same privelges So worth checking out!! Cheers

[MooCow]

Hi Dada If it's any consolation to you I am in the same boat as you Can I ask have you any friends atall? And I am not particular in looking for love etc that can go on the back burner for now real friendships are more important to me at the moment. But there is a site called http://nomorelonely.com ok and yes it's a dating site but with one big difference all members have MH conditions so you wont be judged etc also you can just look for new understanding friends. The site is free and while you can pay a subscription you don't need to as every month you get a set number of free tokens to use (each month) as you would if you had a paid subscription with the same privelges So worth checking out!! Cheers

I took a look at the link and it just redirects you to some obscure website.

You possibly meant this site:
http://www.nolongerlonely.com

I don't know what it's like at all so I'm not recommending it, but I've just found it while searching for the correct address for site mentioned.

I could certainly do with such a website for meeting people who will accept me the way I am. On the usual big free sites (and even the pay ones) I never get anywhere. One look at my profile and people don't reply.

[Bigboyuk]

I took a look at the link and it just redirects you to some obscure website.

You possibly meant this site:
http://www.nolongerlonely.com

I don't know what it's like at all so I'm not recommending it, but I've just found it while searching for the correct address for site mentioned.

I could certainly do with such a website for meeting people who will accept me the way I am. On the usual big free sites (and even the pay ones) I never get anywhere. One look at my profile and people don't reply.

Hi MooCow Yes I thought I had corrected the error sorry about that Hey nothing ventured, nothing gained like I said its free and you get so many free tokens every month to get too know people on there if you want more you then you pay but it's competitive Cheers

[miguelgarbutt]

That is sad.

[beatroon]

'I've been told that I am too quiet and not manly enough, whatever that means. I've tried different websites, going to social events etc but it seems like there is not much demand for a guy like me.'

Dada, I can say with complete authority that you WILL find someone who appreciates you for your good qualities. I am married (and a gay woman lol) but I think you sound absolutely lovely. How nice would that be, to have a boyfriend who is sensitive and appreciative and doesn't talk about himself all the time? I'm pretty sure that lots of women would really love to be with someone like that. Classic husband material!

My best advice? Go and do an evening class. Seriously, those places are goldmines for meeting new people and particularly romantic partners (I teach evening classes, so I've had the chance to observe the connections being made before my very eyes!). Quieter chaps do seem to fare well - perhaps because the kind of lady that attends an evening class is probably a thoughtful, self-motivated person who isn't after a big macho dude, but is looking for someone to share the delights of learning with

And don't let age be a worry factor. Plenty of my friends are in their 30s and haven't had any form of romantic relationship, and it's not because there's anything wrong with them. My own sister is 40 and a very attractive, successful professional, and she got married last year to her first boyfriend. So, there is no ticking clock.

Good luck!

[Bigboyuk]

I think romance some times wanting to happen when you first meet new people is rare my belief is get good friends first, romance will follow on and that's what I am aiming for good new friends who I can hang out with,share good times with each other etc think that's the way to do it but we are all different Cheers

[beatroon]

Think you're right. Far better to date someone who you are friends with as well as attracted to! Relationships where there isn't a solid foundation of things in common, making each other laugh etc. rarely work IME.

[Bigboyuk]

Think you're right. Far better to date someone who you are friends with as well as attracted to! Relationships where there isn't a solid foundation of things in common, making each other laugh etc. rarely work IME.

Absolutely In my eyes romance should be not rushed that's why my goal is to build up a good circle of friends and if one of those turns out to be romance then this a bonus Cheers