Can't deal with this anymore :(

[Tabatha]

I've had OCD since I was 12, I'm now 34. I have
Always managed to hide my checking and ordering from
everyone around me. I qualified as a Mental Health Nurse
8 years ago. When my ward was closed last year and I was
moved to another it caused a massive collapse in my ability to hide my
OCD and my ability to deal with it.

I have been off work for almost a year and have now also been
diagnosed with clinical depression. I have been on every medication
available and my Psychiatrist isn't very supportive. Due to continious
horrific side effects, I don't take any medication.

I just want to go back to work as I feel being at
home all day with my constant negative thoughts is making
things worse. I can't feel with this any more, I really can't :'''(

[Supersal1984]

Probably an obvious question: but have you done any ERP? I hope you do feel better very soon xxxxx

[Tabatha]

I have had 3 lots of CBT which did include ERP. I am presently awaiting for a referral
to the Maudsley Hospital. However my Psychiatrist has
nearly taken a year to send the referral!!

[Supersal1984]

Oh gosh. I work near there maybe I can give them a nudge! Wishing you all the best for the treatment at maudsley! It is one of the best xxxx

[Tabatha]

Thank you that would be great

Whats funny is that I applied for a job there last year

I have to laugh about it or i'll seriously crack up xx

[Supersal1984]

I know what you mean. I have OCD too! But I can keep it a secret as it is body focusses OCD, but the fear is with me 24/7 so I am worried about how muh longer my body can take it! I am going to try cbt soon with some ERP, as I am desperate to get better!

I think this world needs to start accepting people with OCD. I bet you will surprised about how many people at your work have certain mental health problems that they hide. A girl at my work has a phobia if a colour and she tells everyone! Her thing is people should accept me for who I am and no one thinks anything bad about her at all. It's the people that do not understand as judge that have a problem if you ask me.

[Tabatha]

I have been able to hide my OCD for nearly two decades. I had to. One of my negative thoughts was that people would see what I was doing and that they would hate me and try to kill me. I eventually told my parents last month who both said that I was lying because they would have noticed

I must admit my work, especially Occupational Health have been brilliant. They know that I am desperate to go back to work and they are helping with that.

My parents are the complete opposite, apart from them saying that I am lying they don't fully understand how a very intelligent girl can't tell herself that people won't try to kill me. They think I am being stupid, lazy and can't understand why I just don't 'snap out of it'. I wish I could make them understand as I feel that family support is very important. My siblings have been brilliant, but my parents are, well, not very helpful.

All this has to seriously end soon. It is draining me

[Supersal1984]

From reading that I feel for you so much. I know they are your parents but they need to get real. Just because it doesn't fit into what they consider as normal does not mean it is not normal. I am scared that I will never stop thinking about how I breathe etc. I know you are probably thinking of course you will. But it is a real fear for me.

Xxxxx

---------- Post added at 14:24 ---------- Previous post was at 14:22 ----------

And your fear is real to you! It is it easy, it i am glad your parents understand and so do the people in this forum. Sometimes I think it happens to the most intelligent x

[Trent1481]

OCD is a bitch, i have worried about many things, lately i was worried i was going to lose control and i keep having thoughts of killing myself...not that i would ever do that, but im paranoid i would. And i fear hurting other people..but i know i would never hurt anyone. Get some books on OCD and a support group might help a lot. this is tough, but you are not alone.

[fozzy is crying]

OCD is a bitch, i have worried about many things, lately i was worried i was going to lose control and i keep having thoughts of killing myself...not that i would ever do that, but im paranoid i would. And i fear hurting other people..but i know i would never hurt anyone. Get some books on OCD and a support group might help a lot. this is tough, but you are not alone.

Well said my friend. I do not suffer amongst my many probs OCD. However I care for all who suffer mental health problems. Even more for their,, if they have them, family and friends who might not understand, know how to help, support them or in ignorance turn their backs and walk away.

Gordon