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Thread: I can't deal with this anymore

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    91

    I can't deal with this anymore

    I feel like I'm completely alone in this and it's driving me insane. How long is it going to last? How am I supposed to live normally when I'm in constant pain? Every day new symptoms. I can't take it anymore. Especially my head pain. I think if my head stops aching I could bring my life back, but it never does. I'm fighting with the thoughts of having brain tumor for a whole year. I get pains in my head almost every day. Sometimes a shooting pain, sometimes a pressure, or sometimes just an odd, dull feeling through the back of my head or scalp. I've talked to doctors, neurologists and even did a CT scan twice - everything was clear and everybody says it's just my anxiety. How am I supposed to believe that it's 'just anxiety'? I can't convince myself, I just can't. I don't know what to do anymore. When is it going to stop? I hate myself for letting this happen to me. I am so, so desperate...

  2. #2

    Re: I can't deal with this anymore

    I feel for you Jimmy28. Im experiencing much the same. I have virtually constant dizziness, head ache, head pain, pain in my eyes, feelings of unreality and a heavy achy head. I know mine is related to anxiety as it goes off when I exercise. Its really hard to push myself to exercise when I am feeling so ill but I feel so much better when I have, even if its only for a short time. Hang in there, Im sure it will pass

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    80

    Re: I can't deal with this anymore

    Ive just come through a horrid patch with very similar feelings and symptoms. When you are in that mode, it feels impossible that it will ever end. I am just coming out of the other end...my headaches are decreasing and I feel less anxious. You have to get out the cycle of waking up thinking about the pain, or worrying if you will have it that day. Try to wake up and be positive....think that you wont have it today, or that it will be a better day. If it starts, tell yourself 'Stupid anxiety playing up again'. If you have to tell yourself that 1000 times a day, keep going. Eventually you will win. Your CT was clear...this is all your anxiety, it can do insane things to our bodies and the feelings are so so real. Dont hate yourself....it is easy to do but it isnt your fault. You will come through this.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    91

    Re: I can't deal with this anymore

    Thank you both.
    Karlyo, that is exactly what I do every day, I wake up and I'm literally waiting for the pain to come around. I know that when I'll probably stop obsessing over it, it will past. But it's really, really hard not to think about it when it's always there.

  5. #5

    Re: I can't deal with this anymore

    Hi Karlyo
    Was there anything in particular you did or could recommend to remain so positive and see the sensations off. Like Jimmy28 I find that as soon as I wake up I am waiting for the sensations. As soon as I get even a mild headache it seems to escalate within a few minutes into a major headache accompanied with blurred vision and dizziness. In know it is anxiety and I know I am bringing it on myself but it is so hard to shake off when it has already escalated.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    80

    Re: I can't deal with this anymore

    Okay I can list what I did, I actually did quite a lot this time around!

    1. Sat and reflected on all of my previous HA attacks and remembered what I diagnosed myself with on those occasions. I felt myself saying 'yeah but this is sooo much worse and more real' but reminded myself that is exactly what I said all the other times. And none of those turned out to be anything.

    2. I re-read a book called Overcoming health anxiety which helped me last time

    3. I went to the GP not to ask about headaches but to request a referal for CBT. I am now on a waiting list to be seen.

    4. I booked a deep tissue back and shoulder massage - it is next week but it will still help. The amount of tension I have built up in that area is definitely not helping my headaches.

    5. I planned some fun activties at the weekend. After one in particular I realised the headache was gone, and I GRASPED onto that feeling. That told me it was anxiety because when I was distracted enough, it went. You cant distract yourself from a brain tumour pain as far as I know...

    6. I did some gentle exercise. I told myself to cycle on the spinning bike v slowly, but ended up doing a decent workout cos I felt better nce I started. So hard to get started though.

    7. I found getsomeheadspace.com and did the free take 10 series and started learning meditation, it helps you to focus on things other than yourself, and when you do focus on yourself you just let feelings come and go. I liked it so much I just signed up for the full year of programmes.

    I hope this helps....feel free to ask more. I am no way cured or anything. I am just working hard at this. This cannot be my life.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    91

    Re: I can't deal with this anymore

    You are so brave and inspirational!
    And yeah I've noticed that, for example, when I'm out at a party with friends and drinks and random people my head almost never hurts.

  8. #8

    Re: I can't deal with this anymore

    Thank you so much for taking the time to list your ideas. I am going to check out getsomeheadspace.com right away. I agree with distraction, for me its the exercise that seems to do it. As soon as I put on my running trainers and hit the streets I start to forget about the headaches.
    I'm going on holiday next week and will definitely invest in a massage.
    I know I'm going to have to continue to work hard at this and like you I have vowed that this cannot be my life.
    Thanks once again
    Chris

  9. #9

    Re: I can't deal with this anymore

    Went straight on getsomeheadspace last night, its brilliant!
    Thanks so much for recommending it.
    I have done 4 of the meditations in the last 24 hours and can honestly say they really calmed me down. I felt anxious at work so took a break and sat in my car to do one of the meditations. I will definitely be signing up for the full course.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    392

    Re: I can't deal with this anymore

    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmy28 View Post
    I feel like I'm completely alone in this and it's driving me insane. How long is it going to last? How am I supposed to live normally when I'm in constant pain? Every day new symptoms. I can't take it anymore. Especially my head pain. I think if my head stops aching I could bring my life back, but it never does. I'm fighting with the thoughts of having brain tumor for a whole year. I get pains in my head almost every day. Sometimes a shooting pain, sometimes a pressure, or sometimes just an odd, dull feeling through the back of my head or scalp. I've talked to doctors, neurologists and even did a CT scan twice - everything was clear and everybody says it's just my anxiety. How am I supposed to believe that it's 'just anxiety'? I can't convince myself, I just can't. I don't know what to do anymore. When is it going to stop? I hate myself for letting this happen to me. I am so, so desperate...
    But it isn't 'just' anxiety. Anxiety causes all sorts of physical changes, especially muscle tension. Tense muscles get strained and can give off all sorts of weird sensations and pains.

    Obviously you can deal with it because you have got this far. I think all you can really do is every time you worry, remind yourself that all serious causes have been ruled out and while you may not be convinced that anxiety is the cause you KNOW that brain tumors are NOT the cause.

    I'm quite blunt with myself sometimes and one thing I would be thinking if I were in your situation is this: I've been cleared by the CT scans twice BUT if by some freak accident they had missed it twice I can still be sure I don't have a tumor because I've had this brain tumor worry for a year now, and if I had an tumor untreated for 1 year I would almost certainly be dead or dying by now!

    I have chronic pain symptoms and for ages I was worried about various illnesses like rhuematoid arthritis or a slipped disc in my back. They were all ruled out and I was diagnosed with myofascial pain syndrome, which is just a fancy term used to describe muscles which are chronically strained, knotted and painful. Every time I start to worry about more 'serious' causes I have to remind myself I've had all the blood tests, scans, etc and it really is just muscular pain and while anxiety isn't the cause, anxiety certainly makes things a hell of a lot worse.

    If you are in constant pain then you need adequate pain medication as constant pain will make you more anxious and depressed (a vicious circle). But I also recommend gentle exercise and relaxation (easier said than done I know) as they are a big help. You may also have to accept that you have unexplained pain but it doesn't mean you are seriously ill and it is just another hurdle to overcome. Again easier said than done I know.

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