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Thread: Anxiety is ruining my life

  1. #1
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    Anxiety is ruining my life

    Hi guys, I've had GAD for 8 months. My anxiety resulted from the stress I experienced during my final year at Uni. At the moment I'm fixating on my relationship. I can't cope with this because my bf is the most wonderful thing in my life. I'm so scared of losing him, I'm scared of driving him away, I'm scared of convincing myself we won't last. (Now I'd just like to make it clear that I have a GOOD & HAPPY relationship my bf. In my rational moments I know that I love him, that I want to be with him, that he makes me happy, that we're compatible & he's everything I've ever wanted.) But my anxiety distorts my thoughts over us & I hate it. It's so powerful it could ruin the best thing I've got going. It makes me worry so much about us, whether we're meant to be etc.

    My bf knows about my anxiety disorder & knows it's not because of him, & that it's not my fault I think the things I do. He's so understanding, he's stuck by me through it all. He's an angel & I know that not many men would stand by me the way he has.

    I feel helpless against the rushing, negative thoughts in my head & I cry because I fear I could lose him & spend the rest of my life like this. It gets so bad sometimes I doubt my own feelings for him. I just can't stop the "what if?" questions in my head. My anxiety has reached such a level that I don't feel myself anymore & I don't know what to think or feel. I don't know what the truth is anymore, it's completely taken over :-(

    Ever since my break-up with my ex I've been insecure. I lost all belief in 'forever' & kept waiting for my current bf to leave me. My biggest worry is "how do I know my bf's the one?" I want him to be, but in my previous (& first) proper relationship I thought I'd found Mr Right & thought I was going to be with him forever. After 3 years he dumped me for a female friend. I'm over him now, but the pain of the rejection will never go. Looking back I can see I was living in a fairy-tale world where you never get your heart broken. I also know me & my current bf are much more suited. But because I'd so convinced myself my ex was the one, I'm now finding it hard to ever be able to believe that again. Does that make sense? Even though I feel like this time I've found my soulmate, I still doubt the future. It's pointless really because no one knows what will happen in the future, but my thinking has been distorted so much that I'm questioning EVERYTHING, including why I'm even having these thoughts!! My anxiety is like an evil voice in my head saying "Oh, there MUST be something wrong with your relationship, why would you be worrying about it otherwise!!??"

    It's so bad it has the potential to ruin our relationship. I'm so confused I feel like I want to withdraw from the world & these fears. I want them to go away. My heart's message of love for my bf is being ****led by the chaos in my head.

    My bf says he loves me even if I do have anxiety. But I can't cope with it anymore. I feel helpless. I want it to stop. I want it to go away. I feel like I'm going crazy. I just don't know how to get through 'now' & get over this :-(

    Please can someone reassure me? Has anyone ever had an anxiety disorder affect their relationship?? How did you deal with it? Are there any anti-anxiety methods you've tried that work well?? (I would prefer not to go on meds.) Please help, I just want to be normal & happy, & be able to live my life :-(

    xxx Rosebud xxx

  2. #2
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    Hi rosebud1984

    This is uncanny cos I've been through a similar thing!

    Ok my anxiety started at uni too and after treatment it went away, but it has come back in the last few months. I have GAD so I've worried about everything, but one thing I did worry about was my relationship. Let me state now that, like yourself, I am in a wonderful, loving relationship with one of the nicest guys i have ever met and he is perfect for me. And not only that but he is my best friend, which is fabulous

    I started to worry that my anxiety would start to focus on my relationship and to some extent it did/does. My worries were: does my boyfriend love me/will the relationship last/what if it doesnt/what if I dont love him/what if he fancies someone else/I'm not good enough for him etc etc etc...

    I know how irrational it sounds but it seemed so real at the time. It came to a head this weekend actually, when I broke down in front of him and said he would be better off without me. He was really really good with me, he was very sympathetic to my anxiety and said he never wanted to lose me - he really helped me to see sense.

    My advice is to try not to bottle things up, try and do as many fun activities together as possible, keep a scrapbook of photos and happy memories to look back on when you are feeling low, seek help for your anxiety from your doctor, and don't pressurise yourself to get better overnight - it will take time.

    Hope this post helps you

  3. #3
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    Hello, I'm another one who has EXACTLY this problem. I love my boyfriend but everytime I say "I love you" I immediately think "but do I?" and the panic begins. I get so panicked by it that at times I have no idea if I love him or not. I know there's no one else I want to be with, that he's an angel and I want our relationship to work, but how do I get over this? How do I get over something that could ruin my relationship and my life?

    ren

  4. #4
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    Wow! Can I just say guys what a relief it is to find other people who think the same crazy thoughts as I do! It sounds like you two are like me & really do love your bf's, but the anxiety clouds your judgement. Your worries are the same as mine, although I know that I do actually love him through all the confusion. Last weekend it got really bad & for the first time I didn't actually know. But that anxiety attack has past & I'm fine again now. I know I love him. But for those few moments it was scary & horrible, & I didn't actually know what the truth was anymore. It sounds as though your bf is very supportive & understanding like mine. Be grateful for that. A lot of men would run a mile.

    Ren, it sounds as though you do love your bf very much. Just hang on in there. I have no idea how to get over it because that's what I would like to know myself!! The only thing I can say to you is take each day at a time. Each night that you go to sleep & you're still together is a victory. Good luck.

    xxx Rosebud xxx

  5. #5
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    Tis a very scary feeling when you get it, but i always get through it, and at the end of the day i know I love my bf to bits and I know he loves me too

    I am so grateful that he is a compasionate person because, like you say, a lots of men would run a mile.

  6. #6
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    Hi. I can really relate to this. I first experienced anxiety at 18, when I met my husband. I thought for sure he could never handle me, but it has been 7 years and hes still here, and we are married with 2 kids. I still have so many problems that effect us and yet he still soldiers on. I have noticed that I have backed off, its almost as if I went into a shell to protect myself. I do this with everyone except my kids. It hurts my husband and I am working on this. Anxiety really takes it's toll on you. All you can do is to keep going and trying to improve in areas you have shelled yourself off from. Alot of us fear the loss of our partners because they feel like our safe point. You are so strong and you will be okay. I will be thinking of you, because I can relate everyday. You love your partner sooo much and you will be okay. My theory is that any man able to take me on is the greatest and will only make me stronger by example. Stay strong!![^]

  7. #7
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    Hi Jodi. Thanks for your lovely message. My anxiety has eased up lately, but I had some slight anxiety on Sunday. I'm just choosing to ignore it & get on with everything at the moment. It seems to pounce when I'm feeling relaxed with my bf because during those moments I'm not feeling any particularly strong emotions & my anxiety says 'why aren't you feeling more spark!?' Ahhh!!!! Questions, questions, questions! God I hate it!!

    xxx Rosebud xxx

  8. #8
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    I think its fantastic that you are doing better. Your right about one thing, the questions never go away. Its hard enough living your own life on th edge let alone with someone else. It really effects your self esteem over time. My relationship is never the same, I feel like someone different alot. Some days i'm fine and I adore our relationship while others I just want to be left alone and not touched. Hey on a funny point I guess it never gets old for are partners huh? They get someone new every so often. Well I don't know if thats how you are but it is definitly how I work. But feel lucky you have someone so great. I know I try to think that way often. I feel like not many people could handle or try to understand how we feel. Again I am sooo glad you are feeling better. I am always here to talk if you need someone to relate too.
    Jodi

  9. #9

    Re: Anxiety is ruining my life

    Wow! You guys explained exactly what i am going through with my boyfriend.

    I thought i was nuts!! I don't know where to even start to get help!
    Any advice?? I am sick of always questioning my love for my BF & sick of the "what if's"

    help!!

    Marie

  10. #10

    Re: Anxiety is ruining my life

    Hey guys, i'm going through the exact same thing, I'm in my first year at university away from home and have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of a year, and i feel like i'm going crazy. I'm constantly calling home crying and need reassurance from my boyfriend that he won;t leave me. I question whether I love him daily, but i know I do, he's perfect for me. Now, it's almost like i'm distancing myself from him to convince myself that i don't love him, please can someone help.

    Ps. I am on medication that I just started a couple days ago, and I do see a therapist weekly.

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