So endoscopy is inevitable, please help

[jessieblue]

Hello, I see a gastroenterologist on wednesday having tried to avoid doing so for 2 years! I know my symptoms mean I have to have endoscopy and with a fear of vomiting, I am petrified, but resigned that I now have to have it as I cannot go on like this. My anxiety is horrendous just waiting for the appt. I have acid reflux even though I am on omeprazole. I get burning, bloating, feeling like something is stuck just above my stomach. Pain under ribs on left side, sort of burning/stinging pain and look like i am 9 mnths pregnant a lot of the time. Nausea and burping etc etc.

I am so scared I have stomach cancer. I know being on ppis can be a risky long term thing and also if I had damage to my oesophagus maybe it has become cancerous. I am so sure they will find something sinister. I just wish I could see this as a way to getting better rather than to certain doom and a diagnosis that will change things forever.

Does anyone have similar symptoms? Anyone diagnosed with cancer? I dont know what to do to prepare myself and not sure I will make it to the test day before falling apart. I keep feeling like I will have to beg the doctors to do something to help with my state of mind as I dont know which way to turn.

[snowgoose]

Hi Jessie

if you scroll down on the forum main page you will find procedures section ......and endoscopy is one of them ..........it will help you hugely I think to read .

Stomach cancer is very rare .but I know that wont help me saying this .
have you asked for sedation for the procedure ?

dont fret jessie ............so many on here have had this done and been very relieved to know it was not as bad as they thought . and it has been the anxiety that has caused the symptoms .ibs etc .

others who have had it done will be along soon to reassure you ..just wanted to reply cos it is hellish being so scared ........hug

[jessieblue]

Thank you so much for replying. I have been reading some accounts on here and some are encouraging, others arent. It is just THE ONE test |I have always worried about having, the one, i thought I simply couldnt withstand. I cant believe its now got to be done! I am really trying to accept it has to be done and get through it. If I can then I will be proud, but so frightened I have something terrible. Just want to put my head in the sand.

I hate this fear and anxiety every day its so exhausting. Thank you again. x

[snowgoose]

Hi Jessie

have you asked for sedation ? let them know before hand and it will be done .

please dont terrorise yourself with imaginings . You will be ok honest ......have same with chest x rays ........and found on the day that the panic before was far worse than the actual day of procedure ..........kind of calm descended and told myself that within a certain amount of time it would all be over .
if your doc thought you had stomach cancer you would have been admitted immediately xxxxx

[jessieblue]

I will ask about sedation. I have not seen gastro yet, first appt weds. I know she will order endoscopy as doctor has already told me so. I tried to explain my fears to him, but all goes over their heads!! I dont see why I couldnt have barium x ray first, but apparently they prefer the endoscopy, so thats what we get! As long as doctors are happy eh?

I think i will have to have sedation as there is no way I will be able to tolerate the procedure fully aware. I have trouble at the dentist even with a drill or cleaner in my mouth let alone something shoved down my throat. The trouble is that because I have a phobia of vomiting, it is all very complicated. Alongside the usual heartstopping anxiety that we all suffer, I have the added fear of gagging, nausea or god forbid vomiting! Sincerely, I would rather die than be sick, silly i know, but it is a true and morbid phobia. You can see why THIS particular test is one that I find the most difficult to tolerate. If i could have GA, it would be ok, but I understand this is not possible.

Also, even taking the sedative causes a problem with my phobia, as one of the side effects is nausea and vomiting, so medication itself is a real problem for me. On the other hand if I dont get this test, I will never find out what is wrong and maybe get some help and therefore, will have to suffer nausea and burning and pain for evermore! Its a bit of a no win situation.

I do appreciate your comments and I am sure when its over I will feel better, it just seems a really big mountain to climb right now.
xxx

[snowgoose]

oh jessie

there are posts here by a lovely lady who had exactly the same horror and emotophobia that you are experiencing . so hope she sees this and reassures you.

docs dont listen much about anxiety
and you are not silly with phobic fears at all ........it is horrid .........and do understand .
put me in an airport and see how I react ............
anyway ..sedation today very rarely causes vomiting honestly ......things have moved on in that field . you will feel a bit floaty and nicely relaxed I promise you .


and next thing is it will be over ......and a huge mountain climbed and WON . XX

[jessieblue]

Hi Dahlia and thank you so much for all the information. Reading your post has made me feel stronger and that I can get through this. I know I just have to be brave and get it done, cant go on like this running away forever. It really does sound doable the way you describe it. Will I have to have the laxatives if I dont need a colonoscopy. All my symptoms are upper GI, I do get a little gas and bloating but this is normal for me and always has been. The lower end is ok, although I have had piles and constipation in the past, but again normal. I wont be mentioning this end to the gastro at the moment, one thing at a time eh? So will I need the laxative for just the upper gastroscopy? Does anyone know? Also looks like I will have to stop medication which is a worry as my nausea will increase as I get more horrid acid rising in my throat. This may be the worst part of it in fact.

Again, I so appreciate you all taking the time to reply. I have no one to talk to that has any idea of how I feel and I feel so much calmer just visiting this site and knowing I am not alone.
xxx

[jessieblue]

Well, I saw the gasto doc today. Very lovely she was too. She is also writing to my doctor to ask him to refer me for CBT and counselling for my anxiety and depression as she took a long time to listen to what has been going on with me in the last 3 years. My doctor hasnt really adressed my anxiety or depression even though I mention it every time I go in in the hope he will advise me how to get better. Oh well, maybe some help is on the way.

I do indeed have to have the endoscopy, as expected. They are sending me an appointment. It will probably be in the next few weeks. I didnt even bother to argue about it as I knew it was inevitable but did tell her I was very worried and have a phobia of vomiting and gagging. She was trying to tell me to have it without sedation if I was anxious as she said sedation can make you lose control of your body and do strange things (WTF?) I didnt let her get any further before telling her about the phobia, then she said oh well yes, you will need sedation then and throat spray! I dont like the sound of this as I thought sedation was supposed to be peacefull blissful sleep and now it sounds as if |I am going to have something similar to an epileptic fit while under it! This is a very scary thought, I was told by my gp I simply wouldnt know anything about it at all, now I am not so sure, just because you dont remember it doesnt mean you dont know about it at the time does it? Worrying. They cant give general anaesthetic apparently, as they have to protect the airway, but I have heard of some people having a general?? Does anyone have any expereince?

So, I could well be the most unstable patient they have seen in a while. The thing is, I come across as very controlled and calm, I tell doctors I suffer with anxiety, but I hide it well, as I am embarrassed. That is until I have a full blown panic attack, which could well be the case on the day in question! Then, it will be no more Mrs nice guy and woe betide if they try to hold me down, I am pretty strong! They want to be sure to give me a good dose of the horse tranquiliser or I may render the damn torturous equipment totally unusable! Also, I will need to be sedated for a week beforehand, otherwise there is no guarantee of me actually getting to the hospital at all. I will have the number on speed dial ready to cancel!!

Oh well we will see if I survive it, time will tell. Thanks for your support, feel free to keep posting as I am going to need all the help I can get in the build up! I will update with the date when I know it.
xxx

[snowgoose]

hello Jessie

you will be fine with sedation . and certainly no fits !!! who the hell told you that ?
think a few drinks and feeling mellow........that is the feeling ........and no danger whatsoever Jessie .

your doctor knows now your fears and will put in plan accordingly. I so understand this fear I really do ........you will have a lot of relief from the outcome to know what is making you feel so bad . and it will not be cancer .

also No WAY can they restrain you or force to undergo this procedure .
this is your choice and even under sedation if you say No .then it will not go ahead . this is law.

I will make sure I am around on pc the day of the endoscopy if you need to pm me for support . let me know day and time if you want to .

you will do it ..........

[jessieblue]

I am really overwhelmed by your support. For both of you to be so caring is really touching, I feel I want to do it just to make you both proud of me!! I will let you know the date and it will be a help just to keep in touch up to the day of the procedure. I am bound to have some wobbles beforehand!

It was my gastro that said about the sedation! She didnt actually say I would have a fit but she said it was better not to have sedation if I was anxious as the sedation can make your body do things you cant control - I interpreted this as bad and imagined flailing about as if having a siezure - I didnt really ask her any more as I didnt really want to hear it. When I stopped her and told her about my vomit phobia, then she said, oh well then I will use sedation and also the throat srpay. Not sure if I am pleased or not but I was surprised that she thought it might be best for an anxious patient to undergo without sedation!!

Dahlia, what did they actually diagnose you with in the end and are you feeling better after treatment. My acid has kicked up badly today inspite of my omeprazole, could this just be the anxiety? Why do I seem to produce endless stomach acid??? I just hope I dont have any cancerous changes, cant help feeling I must have done some damage with all the tummy acid floating about.

Thanks again girls xxx