babys

[fruity]

thank you cattia

[Fishmanpa]

Just my opinion.....

Babies are cute, adorable, lovable and bring untold joy. Perosnally, I'm older and ready for grand kids. This way I can play with them, spoil them and give them back to their parents. With all the joy they bring, I can't help but remember the sleepless nights, the worrying (not a great thing with anxiety disorder), screaming and crying, temper tantrums, smelly poopy diapers and having to take 2 hours just to get everything ready (diaper bag, bottles, car seat, playpen etc. etc. etc.) just to take a small trip. Ahhh no thanks

Concerning your post Fruity. You have two little ones under 9 years of age. That's a really cool age to be and some awesome stuff is about to happen. They're becoming more independent which leaves more time for "you" and that's really important! That and the fact that raising children as a single parent is one of the most difficult and challenging tasks one can undertake. Having another baby without a loving and supportive partner and father will put more strain on you then you are possibly ready to undertake. Be proud of what you accomplished thus far, live vicariously through your friends. Volunteer to babysit perhaps. Play "Auntie", play and spoil them and give them back to their parents when your done. Think how nice it is that you can tuck your two into bed and get a good nights sleep

Positive thoughts

[Catherine S]

There is also the negative side of it all here in the UK at the moment fishmanpa....we have a benefits crisis, in that there are alot of people having alot of children and on state benefits. Fruity is a single parent who works as a cleaner...i'm assuming part-time and under the tax threshold, so will probably be getting benefits to top up her earnings, and the people who earn enough to pay tax will be paying for those benefits....unless the father of the children she has pays lots for them already? Wanting another baby while in this situation will only stretch the tax payer even more.

Serenity...you should maybe think outside the London box as the rest of the country would think they were rich if that was their minimum salary! My hubby is a specialist technician and when I was in work until last year I worked for a GP and our combined salaries didn't amount to 40k.

ISB x

[Fishmanpa]

ISB... certainly there's the financial aspect. That's a given. It's not much different in the US where there are those that have manipulated the welfare system and live relatively well off of it and the taxpayers pay for them. Bottom line, it's not cheap to raise a child. That being said, if people waited until they felt they could financially be comfortable doing so, we very well might go extinct The world population is proof that birth control and financial responsibility is overcome by the need to coochie coochie ~lol~

Positive thoughts

[Catherine S]

Coochie coochie...love it. Well in answer to that yes I agree that there is never a best time to have children as far as finances go, but as I said, at the moment in the UK...as reported in all of the newspapers and on TV quite regularly here...the people who work and pay taxes are getting a bit tired of the people who don't pay taxes having lots of children that they really cannot afford. Ending up in a situation where the partner does a runner and doen't pay for his children is one thing...then the mother is not at fault, but to then go on to have more children when you rely on state benefits is a tad irresponsible for the vast majority of UK tax payers, sorry.

ISB x

And now just wondering if fruity knows this and just wants to see the reaction she gets to it...call me cynical

[RoseEve]

You just assume she receives support?

[SADnomore]

Fruity, you know what? I completely "get" the broody thing. It's just maternal instincts. Nothing wrong with that. It bodes well for the kids you have. I'm sure they've done well by you, and you're doing the best you can for them. ... I sure do get the warm fuzzies for a new baby, I was like that. As crazy as it sounds, now I look back I wish I'd had a great big family like we see on TLC here, ha ha! Seriously, if I had had a husband who was of the same mind, and could figure out how to support them, I think it might have been a lot of fun! ... But then, once the older ones all leave, what am I supposed to do with an energetic 10 and 12 year old, at my age?? I barely have the energy to be company to the husband I have and our two cats in the evenings now, ha ha! ... And Fishmanpa's right, the pukety-puke and poopety-poop of a cranky 18-month old with the flu can sure kick the warm fuzzies in the chops!

Never mind the money, hunni, if you are in a stable relationship for a good while again, and your partner is truly up for it (so long as he is working you can manage), by all means reassess where you're at mentally and let those factors help you make the decision to have another baby! Just be sure (as sure as you can reasonably be) that you will be able to stay home and be the one changing and cuddling the sick toddler in the night so he can get some sleep for work in the morning!

And I think you have made it clear these things are important to you, too. Good on you, hun. May your dreams come true! xx
Marie

[fruity]

well thanks everyone for your replies. I work 12hrs a week wednesday-sunday. I clean in a cinema. very hard work. I get 2 benefits. child tax & child benefit. my kids father don,t pay nothing. and I wish I was in a stable relationship so maybe I could have another child. to be honest I feel ready more than ever. hopefully one day I will settle down again. xxxx

[Catherine S]

If your comment was aimed at me RoseEve...and they usually are...then no, I didn't just assume anything. If you read my comments properly I did say 'if' her ex partner was paying for the children and 'if' she was getting benefits, and because I wasn't sure if the US has the same benefits policy as we do I was explaining to fishman Mark how people in the UK felt about it as it can be a very touchy subject in UK.

ISB

[NotCool]

I know this is going to sound silly. but I would love another baby. I got two under 9yrs old. but I aint got no man? o im buggerd. but also everyone around me are having third & fourth babys & to be honest im jelus. I think I,ve spelt that wrong. I know it,s silly but I realy can,t help the way I feel.

Being "buggered" and jealousy are not arguments for another pregnancy...