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Thread: Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

  1. #1
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    May 2009
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    Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

    Hi all,

    I have a friend coming over tonight. She is the first since my GF and I broke up months ago. I haven't been around anyone else since my GF, romantically.

    She is cool and knows I have anxiety and have felt uncomfortable around new people (or any people in the last two years) ...... She also has had some anxiety issues in the past.

    With me ... when I get very nervous I get increased spaciness, Which I hate the most. The plans are very simple and relaxed. I am just worried I will be so uncomfortable with anxiety or spaciness. This sucks. lol ..... I was never like this ... but I do like her and she likes me and we talk for hours on the phone.

    Any advise? Thank you, Mike
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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    257

    Re: Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

    yeah...have fun! i find that's what anxiety takes away from me more than anything...the ability to just enjoy stuff. music, friends, drinking, laughing too loud. always worrying about having too much fun.

    she knows you have anxiety and has dealt with it herself in the past, so even if you did have some anxiety you can just tell her.

    if you're like me, you may find that once things get going, whatever they are, that you realize it's not as bad as you expected. this is one of those times.

    life is good. enjoy it!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
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    547

    Re: Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

    Hi Mike,
    Im no good with people Im unfamiliar with, I can talk on the phone for hours but face to face contact and I dry up.
    The only advice I can offer is relax, be yourself and have fun. Trouble is we spend so much time worrying about how we are behaving that we forget to enjoy ourselves.
    Best of luck.
    Carol
    Last edited by sb001f8994; 22-05-09 at 22:15.

  4. #4
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    Re: Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

    oh, and, um...when in doubt, go with Barry White.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    69

    Re: Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

    You guys rock!

    This sensation ... brain feels squeezed when around people and the spaciness IS the only two things that effect adversely. I'll take all the heart palps, hand tremors, and anxiousness you can give me. But those two symptoms are what effect me most, and I don't understand them. I was very social all my life never an issue, that a small scotch and water could resolve.

    Well I have to try, she cute as hell and nice ....... so I'll let you know.

    Mike
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  6. #6
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    May 2009
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    Re: Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain America View Post
    oh, and, um...when in doubt, go with Barry White.
    lol ........... I will take your advise. I always have xanax which I never use but if needed a little .25 usually helps. But I prefer not.

    ~M
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  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    257

    Re: Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

    nah, you won't need it. you know when i stopped using xanax to help me out? when i realized it took 15 to 30 minutes to kick in. i decided instead to just wait out those minutes instead. and hey, guess what? i was just fine in 1/2 hour with or without the xanax. it

  8. #8
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    Re: Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

    worked

  9. #9
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    Dec 2008
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    Re: Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

    I'm sure you'll be fine once you get chatting, often the anticipation and "what ifs" are worse than the event itself. Also, she knows you have anxiety issues and can relate to them herself. Please let us know how it goes.

    Good luck with your date!
    __________________
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  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    Re: Have a DATE at 8 Help Please!

    Update:

    Once again thanks for the support. I was very apprehensive, and woozy, spacy, just as she arrived, you know the not feeling "there" feeling. After about an hour things were very relaxing and my brain calmed. I think I would have had natural anxiety in this situation anyway given this was the first person I was with after a 5 year relationship. We clicked very well and had one of the best evenings I have had in a long time.

    I truly did not think after loving my ex GF so deeply that I would ever connect again, but I did. And have zero regrets. What a great woman this one is. So we have started hopefully a great friendship.

    By the way no xanax ... just a small glass of wine ...... someday I will beat this anticipatory and social anxiety, just need to find the key. By the way she takes Lexapro ..... I might look into it, I am not sure what it's about.

    Mike
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