I'm basically a terrible, terrible, horrible person - long, rambling and nonsensical

[pd]

Ok, the following is going to make me sound like a really really really horrible person... I just need to know if anyone else does it, and well, how I can stop it because it makes me feel incredibly guilty.

We are bombarded with statistics about various diseases, such as the proportion of a population likely to develop a certain disease, which age groups are most at risk, and factors likely to affect our likelyhood of developing certain diseases.

I use various different statistics about a certain illness (whichever one I'm obsessing over this week) to try and calculate my 'real life' likelyhood of having that disease.

Probably the most well known is the "1 in 3 of us will have cancer at some point in our lives"

Now I know probability doesn't work like this, but if I'm sat with a group of people, I'm thinking that a third of them will get cancer. So if there's three of us, then one of us will. If there's 6, 2 of us will etc.

Anyway, this brings me to the "I'm a really really terrible person" part...

One of the longest lasting HA worries I ever had was a brain tumour. It kind of fizzled out when I was diagnosed with sinus problems and generally poor eyesight, which between them had been causing most of my symptoms, but it's still there in the back of my mind, popping up whenever I get a headache or something in my vision, or dizzyness, whatever. Anyway, I happen to know the statistical probability of developing a brain tumour at my age (because I used to google everything and I can't seem to forget anything) and I know it's pretty low.

I have recently got a huge sense of relief, however, (really really terrible) from the fact that my housemate had a brain tumour as a child. That sounds terrible, it sounds horrific, like I'm saying I'm glad he suffered like that, and I'm honestly not, but I get a sense of relief a) because he's still alive and living a normal, healthy life, and b) because the odds of developing one are already fairly low, but I can't help thinking that the coincidence if we were BOTH to develop one is much lower.

Now I know probability doesn't work like that, at least not on a day-to-day micro scale. But it still makes me feel better. And that makes me feel awful.

Sorry for the long post.

[Cell block H fan]

If it works, then use it I say!

[marcc64]

I've also felt like that, My latest fear is a Brain tumor :( I know someone who had one removed and is now fine, so I think the same way as you, surly the chances of both of us having one are really really low and as I'm only 18 maybe even lower.

[lindzanne]

I understand what you mean. One of my close friends had a brain tumor as a five year old. She is blind as a result of it's removal. She is one of the most active, vibrant, alive people I've ever met! It actually took me a month of knowing her before I knew she was blind, she is that capable!
It helps to know people DO get through some of the things we find scariest. When I look at her I think, what the hell am I so scared of? She knows it could come back, but off she goes, on another adventure.
Anyway, I know what you mean. This summer I have had two close friends die in an accident, three others diagnosed with cancer. I keep thinking, God wouldnt do this to another one of us, would he? Meaning me, of course!

[Debdaw]

I don't think you're a bad person at all - its the anxiety that makes you think this way, and you really wouldn't wish anything bad on anyone you knew. I am interested in this post because when I get a new 'fear', which is normally cancer of one sort or another, I spend ages studying the statistics in order to reassure myself, including age, how many people die, survive, and other things that may add to the likelihood of getting it. I also look up what the guidelines are for the doctor to refer you, which adds to the worry as once or twice I've had symptoms which seem in my mind to come into the category for urgent referral but the doctor hasn't done it. Do other people spend a lot of time looking at statistics?

[pd]

Thanks everyone, guess I'm feeling less terrible about this.. but... meh.

Anyway, statistics, medical reports, clinical trials, anything I can get my hands on (not so much anymore since I've pretty much stopped googling symptoms) but I never forget any of it. I know far too much medical crap for someone who's education has nothing to do with medicine!

[SH2727]

I too use this theory. My close friend died of cancer when we were 20 and I as devastated as I was and still am, use this as the 'surely if she died young, I won't' theory.

I too feel horrible about it.

[Micky82]

Probably the most well known is the "1 in 3 of us will have cancer at some point in our lives"

I hate all this one in three stuff. I always think that as my immediate family is four people the chances are one of us will get it and it makes sick to my stomach. Then I think that out of all the other people I know and love, a third of them are likely to get it really puts me on edge.

Wish they would ban those ads.

[Debdaw]

I too use this theory. My close friend died of cancer when we were 20 and I as devastated as I was and still am, use this as the 'surely if she died young, I won't' theory.

I too feel horrible about it.

I think a lot of us probably have these thoughts, I know they have crossed my mind as I have had several friends who have been unfortunate enough to get 'the big c'. However, you can't turn the clock back and stop these other people getting ill, so if its a way of inwardly reassuring yourself I don't think it hurts anyone.