Anxiety and work

[Jenwales]

this is a long story, im having an anxiety crisis atm

It's that time of year when I'm worrying about my hours at work and will i find time to see my family and then shopping for present for Christmas and Birthdays.

At work we opened up a new store recently, it's been a bit hectic and when I started my first shift at the new store (right across from the old one) straight away my boss told me to go help out at the other store. Afterwards I returned to the new store and was tidying up, very overwhelmed because I didn't know where anything was I had not had a chance to get to know the store and the area manager and other person from Head Office were asking me questions as well as customers that I just could not answer. I tried to explain (when these people are in it's stressful anyway and one has a habit of giving you items for a customer in the queue and telling you to keep them behind the till, when there is no room and you're just trying to do your job) that I hadn't been in the shop yet. I wasn't even logged into the till so when I was told to stop tidying and start serving I had to sort that out and I didn't know where the cards where to offer customers (so my figures were down for them) and just didn't have a clue.

Well afterwards I got used to the store, I was excited for the store opening but I had two days off the opening day and second day and in that time it's like a switch went in my head and i was very anxious going into work so during that stressful day I also had my anxiety to manage, which makes me irratable etc

Anyway I'm only saying this out of context. Monday I'm in the middle of doing tasks, I go out the back trying to remmber all I need to do and my manager starts telling me to do what I'm already doing. I'm stressed because I was a busy morning on the till and he stopped me from doing that and told me to put stock out. I say something and then he starts a lecture about my attitude.

He tells me that I haven't been very good for three weeks and that after that day I was stressed the area manager and other woman wanted me to have a report or something. But he said no give him time with me. This was the fierst I'd heard of it! He lectures me not nastily in front of other members of staff in the back area. He asks me what has gone on. He doesn't know about my anxiety not many do and last Christmas a member of staff had depression and he was not supportive, lucky for her she has a better job now.

I explained about that stressy day. He said something about if I have problems talk to him, not that he listens. So I said about never having time to see my family, i recently had a conversation with him about working two weekends in a row and now having time to see them as they work mon -friday. He never cares about this and true to form says nobody else has seen theirs and then asks the other people out the back when they last saw their family. He also said that I'm not doing 40+ hours like other people are and they are not stressed! He told me that I can't bring my stress to work!

So in summary I get the impression
- if I have a moment of stress I am being told off unlike other staff who get a week off cos their an asisstant manager (last yr)
-others are not stressed so i shouldn't be, because we're not all different
- others don't see their family so neither can I even if it's cause of anxiety or upset for me (of course I can't explain this)
- i need to switch off my stress at work somehow but it's work related ( they were asking me to go in previous because of sicknes etc but if I did I'd not see my parents or boyfriend )

I don't know what to do. My boyfriend said that last year I was doing mindfulness, I was doing more hours last year and was more stressed. I thought I was doing okay until my manager said otherwise, it's bad when I don't notice but someone else does and this upsets me, my anxieyt upsets me I can't talk about it really. now my hands are shaking as I type.
My manager told me I can't be stressed in work but you'll understand anxiety doesn't come with an off switch. he added to my stress that day and now when I go back ot work tomorrow I'll be anxious about all this.

It's hard work just going to work. sometimes i dont want ot talk to people but theres colleagues and customers. i have to smile. i have to be happy. and this is hard to do when you havnt slept because of anxious and worry and because you are trying so hard not to just hide away and curl up in a corner because you feel so bad.

to make this week worse: i had yesterday off and today i'm doing 12-8, 10-8,10-7,10-6. 10-8/ I saw my boyfriend for a few hours when he finished work yesterday, it felt like i hadnt though. and today i see my family for afew hours then i got those days in a row where i cant see them. and i have pms and a headache along with anxiety !

I know that someone on here will understand, you'll know how you can't switch it off. my manager said why cant i be like last year i was good last yr but how!? if i knew id do it.

this has really upset me and i dont know what tot do , ive tried looking for anohter job all last yr

thanks for reading this it's very long, I just needed to talk to someone who would understand because nobody I know would. even if i could talk to someone else. thanks

[Mrs.Anxiety]

Honestly, my heart goes out to you. Although it sounds like we work different fields, I feel the same way at my current job and it's a nightmare. I relate to your post so much, so please don't feel alone and know you're in my thoughts. I started my job as a Health Promoter six months ago, it was the first job that accepted me out of school so I took it, and was so happy. The first few months I was so comfortable here, and just full of excitement and passion. Then over time, I had my first panic attack here, and had other situations that made me uncomfortable.

My supervisor decided to tell me that I wasn't performing as best as I could, FOUR MONTHS LATER. It seriously destroyed me and spiked my anxiety through the roof. I felt betrayed because I wish she had told me this sooner, and I would have fixed my issues and performance. To make matters worse, she is the type of supervisor that only tells you what you're doing bad, and not what you're doing right. Her communication skills also suck, but I was willing to look past that and find a middle ground. Now I've been here six months and I'm completely depressed when I wake up, just knowing I have to drive 30 minutes to a job I now hate.

I've expressed how frustrated and upset I am at this job to my husband, but he does not like the idea of me quitting, and also I am now depending on this job for income and health insurance (which i NEED in order to get my anxiety in check/therapy). It sucks. I feel like I'm stuck but I try to be positive at work everyday and treat everyone with respect, even though I have my panic attacks and uncomfortable anxious moments. On the flipside, I've told my supervisor about my panic disorder and she made attempts to sound 'caring', so I would keep pushing that on your supervisor. It's a shame most supervisors don't get trained on dealing with these issues and making their employees a priority.

Are you currently in therapy? I think we both need stress coping skills to get us through. I do my best to go home and meditate, or play video games, or just lay in bed and get rest. Warm showers, CBD, watching something funny, it all helps me.

[vicky23]

Urgh your manager sounds like a right (insert your favourite curse word here)!
He seems to have no clue about how to care for his staff.
I work in a shop too and although only part time it's really intense at this time of year for retail workers.
I hope things get better for you
XXX