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Thread: PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    877

    PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

    as i am typing this i am on 10mg diazapam a day, 80mg propranalol, a sleeping tablet and prozac 20mg. very long story but had anxiety problems for years but always coped with anti depressants through the worst of it. i consider myself very stoic and have coped with periods of constant anxiety simply with acceptance even though it has been very difficult at times.

    i came off citalopram about 8 weeks ago thinking i could manage without - BIG MISTAKE. Now realise this spiral into a black hole has been coming on for a year ever since i started reducing my dose and the last few weeks my anxiety has been UNBEARABLE. i have also had the worst year ever with 4 tragic events in the family - the fourth being a cancer diagnosis for my step dad last week. 2 weeks ago tomorrow i was prescribed prozac and 2mg diazapam for emergencies. In the last 3 weeks i have had several emergency gp appointments, a home visit because i rang and said i could not cope for another minute - this led to me being taken to casualty on the advice of my gp for a psychiatrist assessment.

    i have also had to ring the out of hours doctor twice because i have been climbing the walls. my husband and mum have virtually had to spend every minute with me and whole days have passed with me sat crying inconsably convinced i am going to die or be driven to suicide (even though i desperately want to live and get better). my thoughts have been so black - all about death/dying/admitted to hospital etc and my brain is not giving me a moments peace. i am having to see my gp every two days at present and she started me on 2 x 5mg diazapam for a few days to try and break this cycle i am in.

    i thought i knew everything there was to know about anxiety and how to deal with it - distraction etc - having been a sufferer for 13 years but have never been in such hell and it has me so gripped that at times i am not sure how i am managing to remain standing. i am desperately hoping the prozac will start to kick in soon.

    has anyone else on this forum truly felt this bad and got through?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
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    70

    Re: PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

    hun-I cant begin to imagine how you feel, all I can say is Prozac does take time to kick in, i started to feel better into my 3rd week of it, it wasn't too many weeks ago when i thought i would never feel better but as i write this I can see there is hope and i do feel better. i hope you will feel the same soon-huge hugs for you. x

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    877

    Re: PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

    thanks mabel - did you see ANY improvements before the 2-3 week mark or did it happen all of a sudden? when i took anti depressants for the first time in my twenties i felt terrible for 16 days - no improvement whatsoever until all of a sudden i started to feel better. hoping it might happen like this again x

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    131

    Re: PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

    Hi hun.yes.i was likr u 4 yrs ago.close to suicide and im still here.and ive never taken anti depressants.just homeopathic remedies.things will get better hun. Xxxx

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
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    70

    Re: PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

    Hi Joanne-no nothing at all for forst two weeks-in fact felt worse than i did before starting the Prozac..then at the end of the 3rd week i gradually began to feel better, managed to stop getting up in the morning and going straight back to bed again, have now been taking them for about 6/7 weeks and feel much better..stick with them hun, they will kick in..one day you will just feel 'normal' again. Take care. x

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    322

    Re: PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

    Hi Joanna,

    I just wanted to say I'm really sorry that you are feeling so bad.

    Although I haven't felt as bad as you do at the moment, and I'm not on medication, I can relate to how you feel when you say you are crying all the time and even the thoughts of dying -although I also want to feel better.
    The good thing is you have a lot of support from your gp, your family and your friends on NMP and also the medication they will help you through this.
    I'm sorry I haven't been much help. I just wanted to give you a hug and say I hope you feel better soon.

    Take care Anna

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    542

    Re: PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

    Yes Joanne, I was as bad as this in April of this year. Like you I decided to stop taking citalopram. I has been taking 10mg for over two years, which had been cut down from 20mg, and i was doing really well. Started to cut the tabs in half, and then gradually less and less until i stopped taking them altogether. I was thrilled as I had no side effects, and thought I was feeling really well. Within about a month I crashed, and had the worst anxiety I have ever known. I was terrified I would kill myself even though I really wanted to live. I had horrendous panic attacks, and really didn't know how to carry on, I've never been so terrified in my life. I tried to resist starting ADs again, but in the end I went back to the Doc and started back on 20 mg of Citalopram, six weeks later I was still in a state, and increased to 40mg. It has taken until now to feel more normal again. I've kept reading claire weekes, and books on Acceptance and Comittment Therapy which is quite similar to Claire Weekes, and this had helped. Also relaxation and meditation cds have helped, a good one is by Bodhipaksa, it's called meditations for busy people, and it does help you to relax. These are not cures but they do help you to carry on. I have also made the decision to carry on taking ADs for the rest of my life if need be. Hopefully I will be able to lower the dose again, but I never want to go through the anxiety I've had in the last year again. I hope this helps. If you want to message me privately please do.I hope you start feeling better soon. My heart goes out to you.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    1,274

    Re: PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

    1 year ago almost to the day I was in exactly your position. I was tapering off my mirtazapine and was down to 15mg (the lowest dose) when my anxiety came at me like a tonne of bricks. I spent most of December in denial that things were going wrong. By the time I thought to get help it had gotten so bad I had a massive relapse. This was on Christmas Eve. I woke up shaking from head to toe, my heart was hammering, I couldn't eat, I couldn't cope. I eventually went in to see my mum and told her what was happening and she tried to calm me down.
    I spent the rest of the day curled up on the bed watching god only knows what on the tv. I couldn't even concentrate on it. It was just on. And that was about it. My nan came over on Christmas day, and even though she is in frail health and probably not much longer for this world I wouldnt come out of my bedroom. I basically hid there for weeks.
    My days were always the same. I would wake up shaking and panicking. During the evening the anxiety would start to wind down a little as I knew bed time was soon and I could go to sleep and forget about it all for a few hours.
    That was a year ago, and I think I am proof that you can and will get through this! I'm so much better than I was last year. I'm not cured, but I'm getting there!
    You can too. It's just a case of getting through each passing hour until the pills start to help you feel better and you need to remember YOU CAN COPE. You've survived for 13 years with this, you have all the tools you need to get past this. You just need to really believe they can work again.
    The best thing that helped me during my crisis was relaxation. I downloaded an app onto my ipod and would listen to it EVERY time the anxiety kicked off.
    I really hope my story helps you. If you want to hear any more then please ask
    __________________
    Rebuilding my life one day at a time.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
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    1,266

    Re: PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

    Oh, poor Joanna, I know exactly how you feel. It sounds like what I would call stress overload, and I've been experiencing this myself. Over the last three years, I've split up with a partner, got divorced, acquired a new partner with two children (and I've no previous experience of children at all!), moved house four times and changed job, and you just get to the point when your brain says "enough" and goes into total panic mode.

    I'd managed to ride most of it until I got an exceptionally bad spate of IBS a couple of months ago and I just thought "right, that's it, you've put up with all this stuff and now you're dying". I fell apart totally a few weeks ago and was getting to the stage of being in a total panic from the minute I woke up, and hardly any sleep. I spent a few nights in complete hysterics. This made me admit defeat, mostly for the sake of my partner, so I'm back on the citalopram. Three weeks down the line, I'm starting to feel a bit better, although imminent Christmas is making me a bit twitchy as I've got to do loads of social stuff that I don't enjoy, but at least I've only got a couple of days of this before I can do the stuff that I want to do.

    I can't tolerate prozac myself, but they work in the same way as the other SSRIs. so I'm sure you'll start to feel a bit better soon. Hang on in there, and do please drop me a PM if you want someone else to talk to.

    Big hugs

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    155

    Re: PLEASE HELP has anyone felt this BAD and survived?

    Hi Joanna,

    Yes, i have felt like this,i was so far down i didnt think i would ever get up again. I to suffered from those dark thoughts (about suicide) even though i wanted to live. I ended up in a physc hosptial for 6 weeks i was so bad. I was on 30mg of diazapam, 30mg of seroxat and 20mg of temazapam a day. 18 weeks later and i have to say i am starting to see improvement. I no longer take diazapam or temazapam. I know its really hard, but hang on in there, you WILL get through this rough patch and things will get better for you. Look after yourself and take care x
    __________________
    Elaine

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