Hi all

It has been a while since i last used this forum but i am having a really bad day. I have been agoraphobic for the last 4 years and i just feel like i cannot cope anymore. I can just about manage to go and see my therpist once a week but it is so hard.

I feel so out of control. I have had about 3 panic attacks today and have a very high level of background anxiety. I feel like i cannot bare it anymore and just want it to stop. I feel like i will never be happy again.

I spend most of the time at home on my own so i have plenty of time to dwell on things. This makes it worse but it is so hard to make the first steps and get out. I live in a village and cannot drive which doesnt help.

As a child i was sexually abused and was in and out of hospitals and childrens homes. This has left me feeling fundementally bad and damaged.

I feel so weak and i am finding it difficult to eat. I have lost quite a bit of weight and now people are getting worried about that. this only makes it harder to eat though. Things just seem like such a mess at the moment.

I am just about to finish an OU degree in 5 months time but it is getting really hard. I think this is making me feel a bit stressed as all students get. Overall the OU has been a great experience and helped me a lot.

I am finding it so difficult to be around people. i just want to isolate myself even though i know this makes me worse.

I am worried that i will never be able to get through this, will not be able to eat properbly, will never stop feeling anxious and panicky and not evenj be able to be around people. I cannot see my therepist this week which does not help either.

Sorry for the long moan. Just writting it down has helped a bit. I just wish i had the strength to get through this.

Many thanks
Blackie