Tonsil/Oral Cancer Fears... + Venting
It's hard to start writing anything here without admitting that I've lurked these forums for years now - & have consistently been able to find posts that echo [whatever my current fears happen to be]. I feel like I SHOULD sit here & try to come up with just the right way to describe how sincerely my health anxiety has been ruining my life for the past five years, but that's also sort of why I've never posted here until now: it's really hard to put it into words. I feel constantly torn between KNOWING & being FRUSTRATED by my own irrationality, & consumed with existential terror that I might find out I'm dying tomorrow. Ever since my grandma got colon cancer, this is what I've been going through. Every few months, it's some new scare (cancer, typically), & I'm just a wreck for weeks on end.
This time... it's my throat. And I feel dumb. Because I keep telling myself that I have an explanation for what's going on it my throat, but then an hour later, I'm back to thinking, "well... but what if that's not what's happening? What if it's worse? What if this is the one time you're wrong?"
A few months ago, I noticed a large white spot on my left tonsil. It didn't hurt or bother me much; I just happened to notice it. From the endless amounts of googling, I think I've concluded that it's probably a cyst or a difficult tonsil stone. I've never had much trouble with my tonsils. In fact, I saw an ENT a few years ago & her exact words were, "your tonsils are small & boring." They're still small - so small that it's actually really hard for me to mess with them, & I have to constrict my throat a little weird to even SEE them. But I got so worried about the white spot, wondering if it was something I could just DEAL WITH myself - like other people with tonsil stones seem to do - that I got one of those Waterpik things to try to flush it out.
Well. The day after I used the Waterpik on my tonsil, it started hurting. Immediately started hurting. And when I contorted my throat awkwardly to view it again (because I'm obsessed with my throat right now & keep checking it every few hours), I noticed a sort of... ulceration. It's an irregularly-shaped whitish spot with a reddish outline, & although it seems to have gotten a little better since that first day (not hurting as much now), it's been a week + one day now & it hasn't completely gone away.
1) since it's not round, I can't guarantee that it's a canker sore. 2) I keep reading that oral cancer looks like a sore that won't heal, & this one doesn't seem like it's healing. But 3) I DON'T HAVE ANY RISK FACTORS FOR ORAL CANCER. I'm 31 years old, never smoked, never had HPV (as far as I know), & I haven't even had alcohol since I was about 22. (Some might say I'm boring. I might not disagree.) And 4) I HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR HOW IT GOT THERE. Right?
So why am I driving myself MAD with worry over this spot in my throat?
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Originally Posted by mariasandy
ATB
