Hi everyone,
I'm new here, but I wanted a place to write about my experience going from citalopram to venlafaxine, and I've found the No More Panic forum to be really helpful whenever I have questions or worries about anxiety. I've seen a few threads where people document their experiences with new medications, and I thought it would be a good idea to do that myself- I think writing about it might help me feel less nervous about the whole affair, and it's my hope that others making this transition in the future will be able to gain something from reading it. It seems like for every ven success story there's a horror story, and I'm really not quite sure what to expect, but no matter where I end up I hope that my story can be helpful to someone else.
I'm 30 years old, and I've been struggling with panic attacks for around 10 years at this point. I first started getting them in college, and the first time I had one I ended up in an emergency room because I thought I might be having a heart attack or something. I wouldn't get them all the time, usually once every 6 months or so, and for years I didn't do much of anything to treat them, as the effects would pass within a few days and I would get on with my life like normal. As time went by, however, I found the attacks to be getting more severe and more frequent, and they began to be accompanied by a more general feeling of anxiety that crept more and more into my life. Often it would start over some minor health concern or future engagement that was stressing me out and spiral out of control from there, or sometimes it would have no clear focus at all but rather just be a feeling sitting in the back of my brain causing me to needlessly worry over all manner of seemingly innocuous things. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I needed help, but I finally decided to see a doctor about it after a particularly bad episode about 2-3 years ago- I had stayed up all night the night before working on a test for a job I was trying to get, keeping myself awake with 5-hour energy and coffee, and the next day I had a panic attack that left me out of commission for days, laying on my couch feeling like I was going to die. (I didn't get the job)
So, a few days later I went to a doctor who prescribed me 20mg Citalopram, which I've been taking ever since. The initial roll-on was pretty horrendous for me, and actually made my anxiety/panic symptoms a lot worse for about a week, but slowly the clouds started to part and within a month I felt like I was living my old life again. Granted, it wasn't a miracle cure- I still got spells of moderate anxiety and found the medicine to cloud my mind a little bit, but I was able to live panic attack-free for a few years, which was all I could have hoped for. Unfortunately, that changed recently, as a few weeks ago I had the worst anxiety attack I've ever had. I'm pretty sure I'm partially to blame for how bad it was- it happened just after I'd spent a few days at a music festival partying with friends, which involved a lot of drinking and at least one day, maybe two, where I forgot to take the pill. I'd never had any major problems with alcohol while on citalopram before, and I'd skipped pills in the past without incident, but I'm sure the combination of the two helped to trigger the attack, or at least make it worse than it would otherwise have been. The day after I got home, I found myself feeling sick and getting headaches, and the resulting anxiety quickly spiraled out of control. I was shaking, sweating, getting chills, feeling faint, the works. This literally lasted for days, and at one point I convinced myself that I must have contracted some terrible disease that was surely going to kill me. It got bad enough for me to call out sick from work, as I couldn't focus on anything long enough to keep my mind from cycling through the same terrifying thoughts. I've never felt worse in my entire life, and the situation seemed completely hopeless from where I was, like I would never be able to escape from it. I'm so thankful to have had my loving family to talk to during that time, as calling and talking to them seemed to be the only thing that brought me any small measure of relief. I don't know what I would have done without them- I moved to a new state for work about half a year ago, and I've been living by myself without having made any good friends here, so I felt completely alone. The worst part about it was that this time the anxiety just didn't seem to be going away- with my previous attacks, I would usually start feeling better within a few days, but this time they stayed with me for weeks. The heightened fear of the panic attack slowly wore off, but I was left with a constant underlying feeling of anxiety, and worse, depression, which was a first for me. I found myself nervous and fearful of even small, mundane tasks, the very task of living seemed intimidating to me. This led my mind to some dark places, and I found myself besieged by recurring intrusive thoughts, thinking a lot about death and even suicide (Not something I ever seriously entertained, but the thought itself kept returning to my mind, and as someone who has never really had those thoughts before, that was scary enough.) Throughout this whole time I continued to take the citalopram, but it didn't seem to be helping the situation, so I made an appointment with a new doctor here. Initially I thought the best thing would be to just up my dose of citalopram, seeing how it had helped me in the past, but she suggested instead that I switch to 75mg venlafaxine XR, which she said was generally better at treating anxiety. (I should mention that this doctor was a GP and not a psychiatrist, I've been trying to set up an appointment with a psych ever since this started but all the ones I've called so far either have me on a waiting list or aren't accepting new patients at all.) I did some research and was a little freaked out reading all the side effects and aforementioned horror stories about venlafaxine, but ultimately I decided to give it a try. In addition to the new meds, I've also made some lifestyle changes over the last couple weeks that I plan to stick with- I've cut out caffeine and alcohol and am trying to eat healthier in general, I'm waking up early every other morning to eat a light breakfast and go jogging, and I've started practicing mindfulness meditation for 20 minutes a day. I'm really hoping this stuff is going to help- I've already noticed some mood benefits on the days that I exercise, which is encouraging.
So, that's the (long) story of how I got to where I am now. I started taking the venlafaxine two days ago, and I'm cross tapering for a week with 10mg citalopram and 37.5mg venlafaxine before moving up to 75mg. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a nervous wreck about it right now, but I'm hoping that documenting the process like this will help me get through it. My plan is to update this thread every few days with updates on how I'm feeling for at least the next month or so, and if it goes well (god willing!), I hope to come back here periodically to let people know how it's working long-term, and give support to others. If anybody else who has been through/is currently going through something similar is reading this, or if anyone just has any suggestions or comments, I'd be happy to hear from you! Thanks guys, wish me luck!
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Thanks guys!
