Hello,
I have suffered with anxiety since I was 16. In fact my first panic attack was Christmas Day 2006. I come back from the pub and it was like some hit me with a cricket bat of panic. I will always remember that Christmas shaking in a bath tub not knowing what is happening with my body. Sadly its one reason why I don't like to celebrate Christmas because its the birthday or my anxiety.
Let me break down the root cause of my anxiety. Why did I get that panic attack. What events caused this attack. When I was younger I was involved with people I shouldn't of been and as a teen I smoked a lot of weed almost everyday and I started from a young age (about 14ish) drank cider (because it was cheap) and dabbled in harder drugs like cocaine and ecstasy. I don't ecstasy a couple of times and thinking I was cool being a idiot I remember saying to the lads are we getting pills this weekend. Now I was in school at the time and watched this awful video of a young girl who took a pill and her brain swelled and she died. Little did I know that video would trigger 10 years of hell for me. So that weekend I took 2 pills and smoked weed and I started getting a headache. I panicked I was so bad I walked for miles and miles crying praying to every god hoping I would survive this night and feel normal. When I woke up in the morning I was so glad to see the sunlight although I felt horrible but from that moment on I swore I would never do drugs like that again.
So Christmas Day 2006 I was in the pub with my mates and had a pretty good time and I got home and felt a little weird. I start feeling butterflies as you would when 'coming up' from a pill and panicked. Shit what if I have been spiked and I have to go through 6 hours or longer of torture and bang the anxiety postman knocked on the brain door and delivered a massive package of hell. It developed into a OCD I couldn't even trust my own day to get me a bottle of beer thinking he spiked me. This has sprung out of control now every time my back tingles or I get chills, butterflies in my stomach, hot flushes I panic and go into a downward spiral. Since 2006 I have not been able to trust strangers at a bar without watching them like a hawk pouring my drink. To have certain things I do to check I haven't been drugs. OCD like things.
I was wondering if anyone else as has this struggle? its a mix of phobias death, being spike, sickness, health and it has been eaten me up for many years and this is the first time I have fully recorded this. I have openly spoke about why but not to strangers over the internet (which seems to be the norm these days haha)
I don't know if I would ever get over it but I hope I do I have had spells where I have been able to go out and enjoy and see some parts of the world but I need to do my crazy OCD things to keep me sane (check bottle caps, cover the lid and always have a thought of my food or drink)
I know this is a long post and I'm writing this while struggling atm with some symptoms as described even know the last tea I had was hours ago and I made it myself. But I always have that voice saying what if they spiked the milk or sugar and its crazy I know but thats anxiety
Thanks for reading
Matt
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That aside I too have OCD (still waiting for therapy since march this year!) and for me it's took over my life in the form of Hoarding some people say it's because Iam lazy well it's not but it's got the state where iam overwhelmed with all this stuff in my house, it's getting a bit better but still a work in progress though 
Originally Posted by MattZion
I have faith you will crack your anxiety too Cheers
