Quit Smoking, Scared of Symptoms or Relapse & Panic

[n3r0x1k]

Hey everyone,
note: I may sound incoherent, I'm very jittery and a bit confused right now.

I'm a 35 yr old male, GAD + panic disorder & health anxiety on all that's cardiovascular related. I've smoked for nearly 20 years now, 2-3 packs a day till last year when I had quit cold turkey for FIVE days straight and was so stupid as to relapse because I was tired of feeling as though my mind was really foggy and unable to concentrate so just wanted "one cigarette" to feel normal again for an hr or so, but as we all know, that almosy always brings you back to square one, which it did. Had I known that feeling impaired/diminished cognitive functions were (at day 5) almost over with and about to get better, it would've helped me but what is done is done, now I have to focus on the now.

So the past year I've constantly been in "this week I'm quitting" mode, and this time around I've been smoking anywhere between half to a whole pack (25 smokes) per day this time. Today I decided "Today is the day", also because I ran out of money AND because I'm sick of borrowing from friends (lost my job and that's also a reason I wanna quit, take this time while I don't have 9-5's as an excuse to relapse). I've tried one day only of NRT such as nicotine gum, etc, and whether they were psychosaumatic or not, I felt these insane ectopics (heart) and they just scare me so I wanna do this the real cold turkey way.

Thing is: I'm having an extremely difficult time not to go grab a cigarette (I have a few left) because I feel so horrible. I also start hyperventilating from panic (not constantly, sometimes just heightened anxiety) which I was already struggling with (panic) the past 3 years that it had come back (non-nicotine related) but things were starting to get better, but now, without the nicotine, I just feel so vulnerable in general and vulnerable to them (panic) and I can't wrap my head around this. What I also fear is the general timeline many sites quote: 3-5 days to a few weeks. Like, although extremely unbearable, I know that if the worst part of it was gone after week 1, I'd be more likely to keep holding on, but I don't know if I can do 3 weeks this way. I'm not asking for promises that it'll get better, just maybe better knowledge or reassurance, or if anyone experienced a hard time with quitting smoking, etc, your stories would also benefit me.

It's really hard for me to think long-term when I'm in this withdrawal mode, the kind of thinking that says "you're feeling shitty and anxious as hell right now, but think about next week", cuz I'm only thinking NOW NOW NOW. I'm so fed up of this stupid cycle but then when I start hyperventilating and/or having heart rhythm problems due to heightened anxiety, which often leads to panic, I really have a hard time not lighting one up.

Can anyone help me, no matter your background. Quitting smokinh is so hard but I think my biggest problem with it is the demon (anxiety & panic) it awakes even harder in me, which I've become accustomed to listen to more than rationale.

EDIT p.s.: I also fear, as irrational as it may sound, that maybe quitting could kill me, that maybe the anxiety/panic will get so high with no nitoctine induced release of serotonin/dopamine that my heart will just give out from quitting, that maybe after 20 years, my body & brain have just become too accustomed to nicotine. Right now as of writing this post, my anxiety lowered a bit and I realize this may be untrue, in that the body "quickly" adjusts back to a non-nicotine fed brain, but still, it scares me

[TheAngryBadger]

Hey there, I know it's been a couple of days, how's it going?

Regarding the timelines you've been looking at, I'd say 3-5 days is the norm to get the worst of the symptoms out of the way. They don't call it hell week for nothing! Week 2 is usually pretty bad too, but much better. Various symptoms can go on for weeks, but by that time they're more physical than anything (coughing up phlegm, quit zits, that kind of thing). But then again, everyone is different, hence the wide ranges in the timelines. I know for me, I was doing pretty well after the first week and after a month I was beginning to wonder what all the fuss was about - not only was I not craving cigarettes, I didn't even want one in any way.

Just to give you my story, briefly, if it helps:

I'm 42 and had smoked about a pack a day since I was about 19. Quit a couple of years back (Using champix/Chantix), quite successfully, but stupidly got started again last year after 9 months off.
June this year, I had my first anxiety symptoms and attack - that's another story, but at the time I didn't know what it was and it scared the hell out of me. That was enough to get me to quit again.
It took me a couple of attempts (like you, I always struggled to get through the first day, the challenge seemed insurmountable), but I finally managed to quit, cold turkey. The first week was pretty bad but not as bad as I'd been expecting, after that I was feeling pretty much fine. Like I say, a month later I was feeling like I'd never smoked - mentally, anyway. Physically I was OK, chest a bit tight and coughing up a lot of phlegm, nothing you wouldn't expect.
I'm now over 4 months quit - I would say I felt fine, but I've been having a lot of chest aches and pains which I've just been told are almost certainly anxiety related, certainly there's nothing physically wrong with me. Whether the anxiety was worsened by quitting or if it was something that would have happened anyway I'll never know. Either way, I don't miss the smoking and have no plans to go back - anxiety or no, I'm very glad to have quit.

So to summarise:

- quitting will make you feel crappy, but usually not for long (less than a week)
- It gets easier as you go
- In a month or so, you'll probably be feeling OK.
- As tough as it may be, it's worth it.

I can't really help you with the anxiety aspect - I'm still trying to get my head around my own - but that's my take on quitting. It's not easy or fun, but it's totally worth it.
If you want to know more, let me know on here or drop me a PM, I'll gladly give you as much help as I can!

[unicorndusy]

Hey there,

You're doing an amazing thing here, quitting smoking is never easy but the benefits are so massive you'll soon see your current discomfort will be well worth it! It is a totally natural response from your mind when quitting smoking to feel more anxious and crappy. Try and exercise or do things like walking to ease your mind. It will make you feel better in the end.

Peace and love

[glassgirlw]

I feel for you — and have been in your shoes a couple times now. I’m a health anxiety sufferer so you’d think that would motivate me even more to quit. But, quitting is hard. Like monumentally hard. I quit a couple years back for almost 8 months. Then one night it was storming and I was sitting outside watching it blow in, had a random craving for a cigarette, just one, and there it went from there. Again. I’ve never used any NRT so I can’t help with that. I just do cold turkey. And like you, am hoping to start trying again soon. When I quit before, I felt the worst during week one. Week two was rough, but better than week one. And each week got a little better. I found an app on the App Store for quitting smoking. Had a forum similar to here. Found that helped a lot too. When I had a craving, I went to the forum and read others stories or posted my own. All about distraction.

[n3r0x1k]

So to summarise:

- quitting will make you feel crappy, but usually not for long (less than a week)
- It gets easier as you go
- In a month or so, you'll probably be feeling OK.
- As tough as it may be, it's worth it.

I can't really help you with the anxiety aspect - I'm still trying to get my head around my own - but that's my take on quitting. It's not easy or fun, but it's totally worth it.
If you want to know more, let me know on here or drop me a PM, I'll gladly give you as much help as I can!

Thanks so much for taking the time! Well, that same I went out and bought a pack. Now tomorrow (Nov. 22) I'm gonna give it another try. It really helps me to read about someone like you who smoked a lot (more than some "social smokers" around me who said "Nah, it ain't that bad" (quitting) and that you've also done it cold turkey the 2nd time around! I really hope this time will be okay. It reassures me a lot that the worst is the first week and maybe just 3-5 days. Sorry to hear about your new anxiety though.

I just do cold turkey. And like you, am hoping to start trying again soon. When I quit before, I felt the worst during week one. Week two was rough, but better than week one. And each week got a little better.

Thanks! Good luck with your next attempt too! Again, really reassuring words!

Thanks unicorndusy too, all your words are very appreciated