I don't really know where to start....hi, maybe?
I'm 23 years old and two months ago I moved home from L.A. where I had a tough time financially, had a really stressful living situation, had my heart broken, met someone else who then cheated with my best friend, had my credit card and cell phone stolen, tore a ligament in my knee, couldn't work out and gained 15lbs - it's one of those stories you just have to laugh at really, or you'll never move on! It was 3 months of one thing after another, so I moved home and decided to use it as a learning experience.
So I came home and the job situation is not good here. I haven't been able to get anything at all. I was worried that I was getting depressed but then one day last week I felt nervous the whole day, shaking, palms sweating, heart racing though I was sitting still. I started crying and I had a panic attack. I opened my hands and found they were bleeding where I had been making fists without realizing.
Now, I can cope with all of the above. I'm a tough cookie and I'll get through it. But then on Saturday morning, I started having problems breathing. I think it's called "air hunger". Someone on this forum described it perfectly in one of the posts I was reading. It feels like I can't get a proper breath, and I'm constantly trying to yawn or sigh to get enough air to fill my lungs.
I first got this when I was 16 - I was reading through my old diary entries about it last night. It came and went until I was 19. Hurricane Katrina hit and I was hospitalized after my lungs filled with water. It made me realize that the air hunger was all in my head - almost drowning really put it into perspective. The next time I started to struggle breathing I told myself "This is stupid. You're fine. It's all in your head." And it went away! I thought I had got rid of it forever - until Saturday morning. That mental approach isn't working this time. In 3 days I've had two panic attacks. The rest of time, I'm struggling to breathe.
I went to the doctor and he checked me over, said I was physically fine. He prescribed me valium to take for a week for "extreme anxiety". It doesn't seem to be helping too much. I had another panic attack today and to be honest I think the reason was that I was stressing out about not being able to breathe properly. It's like a catch 22.
I really don't think I can go through this. I was even thinking about taking all of my valium at once, because I literally cannot go through life struggling to breathe. I know this is anxiety but I don't know how to make it better. I'm sleeping about two hours a night. The struggle to breathe is exhausting and distressing, but nobody seems to get how bad it is.
I'm pretty much out of ideas. I've been "taking it easy" and it isn't changing anything. I'd really appreciate anybody's input!

Caity