Very worried.

[Homer47]

Hi all. I am struggling to even put this on here. Here it goes. About 4/5 yes ago I think me and this women that I no. Both married we were out with pals etctoo much drink then end of the night we got taxis back to our friends. She was staying there anyway so I stayed as well. We kissed when we got there first. Basically we shared a bed she said we will just cuddle. I no what is right and wrong. I no it was wrong to cheat. But because of all this Harvey Weinstein old cases. I was massaging her my hands were wondering. At no point did she say stop or give me that impression. We had a slight bit of intercourse. Sorry if the sounds disgusting I feel bad for this. She was panting a little. Or yawning. Then I massage her. She did say I was persistent. So we or just stopped. Not one point did I think I did wrong only for cheating. I felt bad for that. So I message her to get reassurance if we were ok. She says it needs forgetting about. Which it has. But because of all this I started to think did I do wrong. Because she just let me feel her. Please I am worrying about this. Thanks. My ocd voice is playing on this one.

---------- Post added at 22:39 ---------- Previous post was at 22:23 ----------

I am scared to see what the reply’s will be.

[Homer47]

Now I feel like crap from sharing this. Kept on thinking about it all through the night.

[Carys]

It sounds very much like this was consensual - whatever 'it' was - I'm not entirely sure from reading your post ? Are you feeling that you abused her in your mind ? Although she says you were 'persistent' , you did stop after hearing that this was the case. Am I right ?

[Homer47]

Yes because of what with all these women saying that they were abused from like Harvey Weinstein etc. It just feels like I was doing all the playing around while she let me. I no she did but my doubt in my mind says she didn’t. I no at the time I didn’t feel like that. This came in afterwards. Thanks for your reply.

---------- Post added at 09:31 ---------- Previous post was at 09:19 ----------

I don’t mean with all these women I mean victims. Sorry

[Carys]

You know what, this woman, she said 'lets forget about it' and I'm sure she has...I bet it never occurs to her anymore.
You aren't an abuser, the very fact that you are so deeply concerned about what happened, and are fearful OF being an absuer shows how FAR AWAY you are from someone who is. These are intrusive thoughts. People who abuse people, who take advantage of them, have no morality about it....they don't feel remorse for actions, or worry that they did wrong.

[Homer47]

Thanks so much for your reply I guess it is my intrusive thoughts trying to get hold of me. Which they have. When the anxiety comes in it feels like it must be true. I would say she has we say hi to each other anyway. We no each other from way back. But it’s still wrong what we both did. Think it’s the guilt as well. I really appreciate your reply thanks.

[Homer47]

I thought this worry would go away but it just comes back to bully your mind. I no it’s my thoughts trying to control me but find it hard to believe it. Going over and over mental images of the night i can remember everything but why do i feel guilty apart from the obvious. Then this will go in pops another. I just can’t believe in myself always feels like the worst worry ever. Thanks if anyone reply’s to this.

---------- Post added at 19:02 ---------- Previous post was at 18:40 ----------

The trigger is with all these genuine people reporting past abuse claims my brain can’t help latching into it because it was merely me doing all the groping sorry for that. Plus there’s the guilt side due to other partners that don’t no about it. It’s all wrong i no. It’s only maybe a months after it i remember at work a thought came in because i was thinking of it. That you raped her i no i did not, do the hotter obsession began. This worry does come and go a lot. Thanks. Sorry for being graphic.