Know that I'm dying

[cpe1978]

Hi Chloe

I am no expert but let me share a few things that helped me and also make a few observations.

Firstly you are overwhelmingly unlikely to drop dead in your sleep. Firstly it doesn't happen half as often as the media would lead you to believe (after all just walking the streets happily is hardly newsworthy is it). Also statistically speaking you are far more likely to get hit by a car but funnily that isn't a messy end that people with HA worry about.

Life is full of uncertainty and the first step in recovery in my experience is to accept that you can't control everything. Mindfulness is a good tool to support this.

The second thing that I found useful in making progress (you will note that idont use the word recovery) is to not view getting better in absolute terms, it is about positive progress over time and that will have peaks and troughs. That allows you not to beat yourself up every time things go wrong - and they will.

Thirdly - make a plan. Being successful at anything requires a strategy and I believe that recovering from an anxiety disorder is no different. My plan was to find a GP that I trusted and could get on with (you are allowe to choose you know), visit them on a six weekly basis which was long enough to push myself, but short enough that I could save my symptoms. Then I insisted that they didn't refer me for tests for reassurance, only if they objectively thought that it would be helpful.

Then I paid for a course of CBT. It wasn't the golden bullet but it helped me intellectualise what I was feeling and think about it differently.

Finally I cut myself some slack. I am a highly strung person by nature and needed to learn to chill out.

I am sure there is more, but I have had to reply quickly before sleep as I am on an early train to London in the morning, but I wanted to reply to your post.

Above all remember one thing. The chances of you suffering from something sinister is overwhelmingly low. You are absolutely suffering from anxiety, so spend at least as much time tackling that as worrying about physical symptoms, or my thoughts are that you are on a hiding to nothing.

Everyone is different, and critically you will find that everyone on here has slightly different views as to what it takes to get better. Equally everyone here is at different stages in their journey towards recovery. I think you need to take the wealth of input that you will get on here and pick and choose what works for you. A big point thought is that people don't typically recover from anxiety by doing nothing.

Good luck and any questions just ask.

[Fishmanpa]

Chloe,

Just to add to what CP is saying. Where you are in your journey or your current state of mind will dictate how you accept advice or rationalize your symptoms. Sometimes, and I do feel that may be the case here, a person is in a state where nothing anyone says, be it a medical professional or a forum post, can alleviate the fear.

As logical and rational as the fact that you're still here despite being convinced you're going to pass in your sleep, as much as someone says "read the symptoms link" or "check out CBT", nothing anyone says can reassure you or push you further along the path toward healing unless you're in the right state to accept it. All we can do is say it and hope you follow through. No one here is a medical or psychological expert and cannot advise you outside of their own experience.

There's been some great advice given on your threads. I truly hope you take it to heart and find a way to feel better soon.

Positive thoughts

[Chloe34517]

Thank you to everyone who replied. I'm trying my best to fight back and keep going, but 9 times out of 10 it feels like way more than anxiety and trying to rationalise everything in my brain and the symptoms is so hard. Hopefully I will live to tell the tale and feel better soon. I just don't want to die and leave everybody I love behind and be without them - just the thought destroys me. Thank you again to everyone for taking the time to reply x

[Worried 24/7]

The feeling like you can't breath is a major anxiety symptom, and one I hate the most. Even after months of feeling like I had things under control, a panic attack would sneak up out of nowhere to the point where I thought for sure I was dying. The more time goes by, the more you'll learn to recognize the anxiety attack symptoms and calm yourself down easier

[mummyanxious]

So how are you this morning?
You don't to fight it just need to accept you're tired and try to get on day to day.

[Chloe34517]

I'm not great today but I had an hours hypnotherapy session so at least I got a little break from my head for a while. Feel ill and exhausted but it's just the same as always x

[mummyanxious]

Hypnotherapy sounds interesting and I bet that's tiring. When I go to have my back done at the chiropractors he says i could feel tired afterwards and I think how can that make you tired, but it does. Hope you're feeling a bit relaxed.

[Catherine S]

Probably because it relaxes all the tense muscles, which would make you feel like you want to sleep...same as a massage I suppose.

[j2]

Chloe,

Being so young and dealing with anxiety has got be terrible. You so much life in front of you but anxiety is taking away your youthful optimism for the future. I was older and established in life when mine started. I like to think that I am able to handle mine in large part due to the experiences I have in life and the confidence that comes with age. I certainly have times when I am freaking out and I have had my share of trips to the Dr and lots of tests but so far so good. Regarding your symptoms, I think you are just overwhelmed with anxiety. We have all been there. I have had that chronic breathlessness and frayed nerve feeling more times than I can count. For me, I keep a journal of symptoms and look it over if I think I am having something new. Almost always I will find that I have had this feeling in the past and it amounted to nothing but anxiety. Exercise like running and yoga help me. I also take the occasional xanax when I get to where you are now. A good movie that makes me laugh also helps.

We care about you and we understand where you are. Don't give up, get some help and post as much as you need.

J2

[Chloe34517]

Thank you so much J2. I think anxiety is hard whatever age but the fact I'm so young makes me so sad because I've spent the majority of my life so far worrying obsessively, depressed and in hospitals. All I really want to do is live and I just feel like I know I'm near my death and that makes me so, so sad.