Alcohol withdrawal - so scared

[Catherine84]

To cut a long story short, I have had an incredibly bad week with my breathing awareness to the point where every breath sends me into a panic attack. This is unrelenting and goes on 24/7. To deal with this, I have turned back to alcohol, and I'm now back to my old habit of two bottles of wine a day, spread out over the day. This has been going on for nearly a week now, but I was drinking daily before that - one glass of cider a night before bed on a weekday, but more on weekends. I had a period in September of about 3 weeks where I didn't drink after hospital admission and after that, it was relatively under control until about halfway through November.

I have read that alcohol withdrawal can be fatal, and due to my anxiety, I am now extremely concerned. I also feel like I am losing my sane mind due to the changes in brain chemistry that the alcohol is no doubt causing and I'm constantly worried I'm going to flip out. I am scared senseless of hospitals and don't want to go back there unless it is really necessary. I guess I just wanted some reassurance as soon as possible as I am really, really concerned. I have been sick twice this morning already and my stomach is in knots.

[Yorkie22]

Hi Catherine,
Really sorry to hear what you are going through.
In my experience alcohol and PA's don't mix well and reducing my alcohol intake has certainly improved things dramatically for me. If you can cut down or even stop your drinking I'm pretty sure it would help you. Withdrawal from alcohol can be uncomfortable yes, but nothing to be too concerned about. I've had countless PA's when hungover (and like you felt like I was losing my mind), but that's all they were PA's and they passed eventually like they always do. Perhaps reducing alcohol levels gradually over a few days may be easier.
Good luck
Yorkie

[teej]

Hi Catherine,

I too suffer from terrible anxiety and self-medicated with alcohol daily for 10 years. On my bad days I could drink a whole bottle of spirits and more.

I ended up with alcohol withdrawal in October (even thought I was still drinking!). I simply went to my doctor, confessed everything and was placed on a short course of medication whilst I stopped drinking. I didn't even miss a day of work (yes remarkably I held down a job through it all).

Have you spoken with your doctor? It may be best to be honest with them. I was convinced I was going to be taken to hospital to detox and I was just sent home with some pills and it was quite easy really. My doctor came up with a long term plan for me dealing with my anxiety including taking an SSRI and getting some counselling.

Certainly from my own experiences as a big drinker though going "cold turkey" without help from the GP is something I'd certainly avoid if you're at all worried.

As a committed drinker, it was the hardest thing ever to admit that my crutch was causing more problems with my anxiety than it ever solved. The odd time since I de-toxed that I've relapsed I've felt truly terrible the day after with anxiety and panic.

To be honest, I thought dealing with the de-tox would be the hardest thing I had to do but in reality it's been far eclipsed with dealing with all the things that caused me to drink in the first place. Looking back I actually enjoyed the de-tox because I felt I was getting control of my life back.

I hope you can find something useful in my experience.

[Catherine84]

Thank you for replying, and for your reassurance.

You are right, Yorkie - each time I haven't had a drink for a few hours, the rebound anxiety gets even worse than previously, and I get stuck in a vicious circle.

Can I just ask an additional question? Is it normal for your liver area to ache (kind of like a stitch that I notice on and off when I cough)? I am worried senseless that I have done some serious damage already and that it is too late . When I was admitted in September for detox, one of my liver enzymes was elevated (ALT - they didn't say by how much) - I understand this is the first stage of liver disease, which can occur even after a heavy night out, but is reversible if you stop drinking for a few weeks. I guess cirrhosis would show up on the blood tests? I have only been drinking very heavily on and off for the last 10 months, but I know if I don't stop, I am going to die. The strange thing is, I sometimes think I would rather be dead than never be able to switch off from my breathing.

I have tried medication, counselling, CBT - it seems like nothing will cure this 24/7 breathing obsession. I have been off work sick for nearly a year, and have lost all pleasure in life. I cannot even sit and watch the TV or read any more. x

[Emphyrio]

Catherine - do you think that the breathing obsession may have been related to your past alcohol intake? The reason why I ask this is because I believe that many of my OCD thoughts are related to my use of alcohol in the past. I never drank massive amounts, but I did regularly consume around 3, maybe 4 pints of beer a night. Its fairly moderate, but I read that what is fine for someone could cause problems for another. I guess I got into a bit of a vicious circle - I used the alcohol to try and take my mind off my intrusive thoughts and general feelings of depression, but I was wondering whether I was just making things worse. Add to that some SSRI withdrawal and I've pretty much messed my body/brain up. The pull to drink is still strong - I enjoy the feeling of being drunk, but part of me wonders whether abstaining from it for a year would benefit my anxiety and depression.

[hanshan]

Hi Catherine,

The pain could be a gallstone, or just plain nerves if you have breathing anxiety.

There is a small chance of dangerous convulsions occurring when detoxing from alcohol. This can easily be controlled by a few days of diazepam while you detox. Most GPs should be able to provide a schedule so you can detox at home. Is there anyone there with you who can keep an eye on you?

If you are worried about your liver, your GP can also get a blood test that will let you know the state of play - hopefully no great damage yet, and all reversible.

Best to be totally honest with the GP - they've heard it all before.

[oscar5]

Some panic i go drinking the alcohol as well anger appeared also how to over come this problem

[Catherine84]

Hi everyone,

I've managed to now go for 12 hours without a drink, and I have used this time to replenish my fluid intake. My anxiety and restlessness was dreadful this morning, but has abated a little now.

I haven't had too many withdrawals (no hallucinations, which you should watch for, and I feel with it and not confused. Also, my temperature is normal). What is concerning me is my heart rate - it is a little fast (in the high 90s at rest, but raises to 125bpm on standing!). I noticed it while I was taking a hot shower. I'm guessing a few days' overindulgence could cause this, but it is making me really worried that I am going to go into cardiac arrest or something.

I am staying with my parents, so there is someone with me who can look after me.

Oscar, I have also had this problem - my emotions go all over the place, and I do notice it subsides when I stop drinking for a while. Once you drink above a certain amount, the initial euphoric feeling you experience gives way to anger and paranoia. If your drinking is very heavy like mine, I would definitely cut back (of course, easier said than done!). I would echo the very helpful advice others have given in this thread - if you are worried about stopping abruptly, then taper off or see your GP.

I am starting to wonder whether my mood swings are also a hormonal thing, as my period started today and my mood has improved a little over yesterday. The alcohol almost certainly doesn't help, though.

[teej]

When I was in acute alcohol withdrawal (the week before I went to the GP) my heart rate was all over the place. I used the "stress test" app on my phone and it was constantly registering 100% which indicated an erratic and fast heart beat. That got me pretty scared. Thankfully on the detox medication and with a plan in place to tackle the anxiety it sorted itself out. It's caused by the drinking.

Once I started to fight the cause of my drinking the anxiety, everything else has clicked into place.

I concur with hanshan, speak to your GP, they're not there to judge but there to help - and having been in your position, it was the best thing I ever did.

[Catherine84]

Emphyrio, I'm sorry, I didn't answer your question yesterday:

To be honest, I wasn't a very big drinker until late 2007, when a 3-month mystery illness left me with the breathing obsession. I then began to drink one small glass of red wine a night on weekdays (admittedly slightly more at the weekend, but not more than the unit equivalent of about two glasses, and was still holding down a job, so the anxiety can't have been as bad as it is now). It has been going on and off for some time since, but only got unbearable in February this year, which resulted in me no longer being able to work. The two antidepressants I have tried so far just made the anxiety worse and worse (and the doctor won't prescribe a long-term course of diazepam, and only 5mg, which didn't even cut through the breathing obsession anxiety, especially when taken alongside the antidepressant in the first couple of weeks). Now, I find the only way I can get to sleep is to knock myself out, with alcohol as my poorly-chosen sedative.

I am just despairing, as I know I am sending myself to a very early grave, and it is not a sustainable solution. I am sure, even though I drank to 'cure' the OCD symptoms with the breathing, it makes it worse with each successive daily binge, and I am trapped in a vicious circle that I don't know how to get out of. It's really getting to the point where I am worried about suicide and I tremble in fear at the thought of waking up every morning.