I am so confused.

[peacealways]

My intrusive thoughts are really getting to me. I have been trying to let them come without any judging or emotions..but its so hard..I don't like seeing the things my mind wants me to see or hear and on top of that I get thoughts of me liking them which freak me out..then I have to rationalize with myself and I realize I don't. Then the pattern continues and the scariest thought is "God knows if you really liked that thought or not" all of these things happen in a pattern. I know in my heart that these thoughts and images don't sit well with me..but everytime I tell myself I don't a thought that says im lying comes to..and that thought feels so real. I PROMISE I DO NOT LIKE THESE THOUGHTS and sometimes even a voice that sounds like mine will answer yes when I ask myself if I like these thoughts or not. The thought of liking them feels very real then when I rationalize my own thought of not liking them comes into play. I have no desire to act out on my act thoughts but today they were so vivid and scary. I feel really weird like I don't know which thoughts are mine and who I am anymore. How can I know I don't like these thoughts but still get thoughts of liking them and then they go away?

Sorry for all the threads Im just new to this.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thats ok, start threads & posts as much as you like, its what this place is for.

What I think is that your subconscious is sending these feelings to you along with the image. It has made a connection between them and so triggers them together. These then reach your conscious mind and you review the feelings & image and rationalise them to determine they are false. Then you are then going into "What if" mode and questioning your rationalisation.

The problem is often that the thoughts disturb you and cause symptoms of anxiety. This reinforces them.

Over time, rationalisation at a cognitive level can retrain the subconscious but not everyone finds it as easy and may need other techniques alongside it.

There is a free CBT course on this website, on the therapy board I think, which will give you ways to explore dealing with this. So, perhaps its worth starting on that and seeing how it helps you.

I would still go with the Mindfulness as well though because it should help you in how you react to the thoughts. Mindfulness meditation has been shown to alter the neural pathways in the brain and thats how these anxious thoughts, feelings & emotions get attached to each other.

Post whenever you need to. Its better you ask for help than leave and keep suffering. Don't be afraid to use this place.

[peacealways]

How did my subconscious pick up on the feeling and image together ? So is my feelings an intrusive thought of liking my intrusive thoughts if that makes sense ?

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm not sure, its just a theory. I remember I had this too with some of my Magical Thinking issues, I had a strange sense of amusement about the images of death of loved ones and it was very weird to me. I don't know how that got there, I just know that I wasn't intentionally doing that. Now its gone again and its just back to the original intrusive thoughts were there was no sense of liking them and the reaction to them has died down.

So, maybe by just working on the issue, this will go? I don't know, I just know how that changed for me.

You don't like the images, you've said that all along and you've said that you rationalise them to get beyond them, albeit this has now become more complicated as you are now doubting your conscious rationalisations. So, its not that you have decided to like the images at all and the part of the brain that stores all of this doesn't work like that anyway, whilst it takes its sensory inputs and attaches them with thoughts & memories, it also has a period of reconciliation built in so unless its a very traumatic event, such as in PTSD, it takes more than one event.

Maybe all this second guessing has fed it and now it sends all this to you so you have to rationalise it out? I don't know, but the more you question it & run it back & forth, the more power you give to it.

[b0yer]

If you don't mind me asking, what was the intrusive thought? Sometimes typing it out helps realize how ridiculous it is.

I have intrusive thoughts all the time and have been diagnosed with Pure O.

I have had different forms of it, even my mind trying to convince me I am gay, when I am not and have had sex with girls my whole life. I even had relationship OCD that made it seem like I had to break up with my GF when I did not want to.

OCD attacks you where you are most vulnerable. That is why the "God knows you liked that thought" affects you the most.

Mine were attacking me in my relationship trying to take away the thing that I love most.

Have you considered therapy?