Re: Terrified about impending romance
Not trying to pry but here is my take on your post.
"I don't feel I deserve to have someone special"
I found the above statement to be the most important statement that stood out to me ........
I am no relationship guru, so don't listen to me, but I will respectfully disagree with your statement about meeting someone for 3 days and talking for months chatting doesn't count.
As my long winded first post states, I lost my seemingly best friend and love of 5 years and was devastated. And to a point I am still rocked from it. But I realize there are more reasons for this loss now. Despite my "handicap" anxiety, I woke up everyday and pushed on for her and went to sleep at night, knowing I could have another day with her. Her walking away for silly reasons, (which I really think was related to my inability to interact in the real world like I used too) ... was selfish at least.
Fast forward to your post. I met a woman online, we chatted, talked on the phone and finally met in person. I was terrified and didn't think I could do it. See my other posts. We shared a full weekend, and NO this was not a re-bound. Our basic chemistry was/is amazing. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would even meet someone, let alone get past the grieving of my ex for months maybe more let alone such a short period.
Am I jumping into a relationship with this new friend? Absolutely not ... I am far from ready for that, but I now KNOW that I am capable. That passion is there for someone else ... and her for me.
And non of the chemistry was contrived at all. It was all natural, and I figured out some things that really made me unhappy regarding my ex.
Moral: Tell him what you think and feel. Put yourself out there. Don't have ANY expectations, take your time ....... if it works ir works, if it doesn't it doesn't, I believe part of anxiety is pre-planning, perfection, and anticipatory. Let him like you, let yourself like him, and if you don't feel it, then be honest, with yourself and him.
That's what I did and it worked. Actually I have been like this all my life, but I really had to put it to practice this time because of my new anxiety/stress friend.
Was I nervous around her? Yep ... was it cause of her? Nope I am uncomfortable around anybody ...... which is an unknown feeling.
Dunno, hope what I wrote makes sense?
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What in the hell happened?