Hiya im new:)
most of my life i have always been more worried about things than normal, I always think of the worst thing tht can happen even in the simpleest situations.. like getting a taxi.. what if hes a pedophile?! or having a baby.. what if i die after giving birth?! or even cooking meat!! it sounds crazy!i have THE biggest fear of death, growing up & just not being in control or able to help myself! I suffered with depression at 15 for months, (ever since then i over analyze everything) i would cry and feel rubbish all the time, then it went away until couple of weeks ago, i was on my laptop late at night and i had the worst feeling ever, i cant explain it.. i just had a pain in my head (i have poor eyesight but dont wear my glasses
yes iknow!) and then i just panicked! i thought i was going to die from a tumour or blood clot or something.. i went really hot, couldnt keep still, wanted to cry but couldnt?, shaking for ages, butterflies, heart was racing ALOT, muscles in my neck ached.. i woke my mum up because i didnt want to be alone incase i fainted and no one realised.
I took ages to go to sleep and when i did i had to wake up for school (about 3 hours sleep) all day i had pain in my head and muscle aches, just a sad feeling.. like i wasnt normal and i was going crazy.
My mums had depression and panic attacks when i was young,she use to go to the doctors and say she was having a heart attack and theyd moniter her heart and tell her it was healthy but sometimes she didnt believe them, sounds like me!! She reassures me loads, the only person who knows about this is her, i think everyone else would think im a freak!
Ive been reading lots on here and its good to know im not the only one! Sometimes i can make myself think ive got a terminal illness and then i panick, sometimes i get a pain or something and i instantly believe im dying..
im tempted to see a doctor but im so scared they will say im dying, it sounds stupid but you know..
I dont feel depressed anymore its just panic and anxiety, when im happy and have other things to think about all of the symptoms go away! but when im not busy and im sat at the pc or watchin tele it comes back, so im constantly finding things to do.
I dont want to feel like this forever, it gets me down knowin i might have to battle this for the rest of my life, i feel like i cant be bothered, its draining!
Just a few hours ago i thought i had stomach cancer.. 4 a few days now i burp alot and get acidy all the time so i googled this and stomach cancer came up!!.. pretty lame, i know.
I hate the thought of not knowing, like what really makes me feel panicky is when i think about the fact that i could drop down dead at any minute from a heart attack or just anything!! I know im too young to think like this but since being this way i do think about tht happening allot more.
My mum had a difficult pregnancy with me, they told her there were complications (when all it was that i was a little small for how many months i was) and she worried alot up until my birth. maybe that has something to do with how much i worry over things?!
ill stop babbling on now anyway! I feel embarrassed now, hope you all know where im coming from!
Thanks for reading!
xx
Reply With Quote
d x
