Just moaning......again.

[Catherine S]

Also, if the housing association is a no-no, if I had a choice between paying £20 for a van to move his stuff and buying a second hand vacuum cleaner, i'd pay for the van. It sounds like it's more important to get his stuff out of your way. You can worry about a vacuum cleaner later.

ISB x

[Bigboyuk]

I nearly always post to rant or moan. I used to moan to my partner for issues outside of our relationship (BDD mainly) but now I can't. My mood today was mainly caused by feeling ugly on the school run which sets me off with everything else. Then I feel the need to rant. My body image I believe is the root of everything. I think it always has been I just didn't really realise it.

Replies aren't necessarily but they certainly aren't unwanted.

I definitely do feel 'stuck', £20 removal van might not sound like a lot of money to some but it is a lot for me.

KeeKee I can sense you are stuck!! And I know you really want things to change When I mentioned about his things going on ebay I should have added and he gets the money at least ask him oh he probably will say no and will say he wants his stuff so simply say ok you want it, you come and pick it up you have to speak up for your self he cant do much when he is on the phone, I am just wondering if your daughter can talk to him do she still see him? Like Cath said it's got to be affecting her in some way(s) And Cath does make a very good suggestion about his stuff so perhaps follow that up Cheers

---------- Post added at 00:11 ---------- Previous post was at 00:08 ----------

Also, if the housing association is a no-no, if I had a choice between paying £20 for a van to move his stuff and buying a second hand vacuum cleaner, i'd pay for the van. It sounds like it's more important to get his stuff out of your way. You can worry about a vacuum cleaner later.

ISB x

Yes excellent idea Cath and perhaps one of KeeKee's family could lend a hoover or would that be too much hassle for them too Cheers

[KeeKee]

Thank you both for replying.
ISB my ex probably wouldn't be bothered he doesn't care about anything. He ignored a tax return for years and incurred ridiculous charges. He's the kind of person who, if asked to do something that he was already going to do, would then probably not do it as he's been told what to do. If that makes sense. He was the same here when I would ask if he'd wash up or things.

I will email a few people and see how much it'll cost. It won't hurt to ask, yes the multigym is probably a priority over anything due to where it is. It's probably a sad thing to say but I've always wanted my bedroom to be cosy and pretty so I could go there when I need a few minutes alone. If the multigym is gone then I could move other things around and then my room would be just fine.

Bigboy my last hoover was off a relative and if anybody had a spare they would give me it, one relative is meant to be checking if their old one works but it's been weeks and I haven't hoovered and feel minging. Sweeping isn't the same. I think my family won't help with his things as they don't believe I've even asked him. When I mention his things being here they keep telling me to 'make' him take them as though I can force him ha. It's very frustrating having people not believe what you are saying. They don't believe me when I mention having little money too.

Asking my daughter to talk to him wouldn't work and would probably make him more angry. I think she's too young to involve, even in small things like that. She has done better than expected going from seeing her Dad each day to sometimes only twice a week. She doesn't seem bothered about us separating at all. My parents separated when I was 21 and had left home and I found it very hard. I think she's very strong minded, very little phases her. No idea how as I'm mentally weak.

Thanks again for the responses.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Disassemble the multi gym. If it's the type that has weight plates, the rest will be quite light. The weight plates can be removed from bar down the centre and lifted individually.

All you need is a couple of spanners. Most of not all of it can be done by one person. If the nuts are too tight, a strap wrench can sometimes help.

I know because I stripped down my old multi gym years ago because it had developed a fault. I put all the frame outside for the rag & bone man. I kept the weight plates to use in other ways but they take up very little room.

I would be very careful selling someone else's stuff, you are straying into legal territory here. It would be best to get legal advice off the CAB on this because there will be a minimum number of actions to take before having no choice.

It's Judge Rinder territory, so be careful.

The same with paying too deliver it. A heavy & bulky multi gym might be costly. Toy shouldn't pay it anyway, he won't refund it as he's obviously not arsed about doing the right thing in anything.

If there is a legal definition of what is reasonable until you can throw it all out, that would be the basis for my ultimatum. Or a basis to sell it that covers you in the law.

As far as your daughter's attitude goes, I've always viewed that as her father's impact on her. He has consistently shown his poor attitude in front of her in not clearing up when he lived there. He allowed her to be disrespectful or didn't back you up. He created this situation by being a bad role model.

[KeeKee]

Thanks for the reply Terry. I'll have a look at it, it does have the weight things on.

I doubt I'd ever have the guts to sell his things anyway.

I'm also thinking it will cost extra with the fish tank given that it contains living fish. We have tried selling the fish in the past as we have at least 50 but nobody seemed to want them. They are guppies too which breed like there is no tomorrow. I wonder if a pet shop would take them....

I do feel it's possibly as he will just sit there when she back chats me it happened yesterday. If I tell her off in front of relatives they'll normally butt in and defend her too which doesn't help. When growing up we wouldn't have dared back chat our Mam in front of my Dad and my friends other half is also the same. My ex partner doesn't condone the behaviour but I usually have to say right in front if her 'will you tell her to pick it up' or something.

He's never going to change in regards to her. I'll just have to get on with it. It's just very hard to be a lone parent and I never thought I'd see the day to be honest.

[Bigboyuk]

Thank you both for replying.
ISB my ex probably wouldn't be bothered he doesn't care about anything. He ignored a tax return for years and incurred ridiculous charges. He's the kind of person who, if asked to do something that he was already going to do, would then probably not do it as he's been told what to do. If that makes sense. He was the same here when I would ask if he'd wash up or things.

I will email a few people and see how much it'll cost. It won't hurt to ask, yes the multigym is probably a priority over anything due to where it is. It's probably a sad thing to say but I've always wanted my bedroom to be cosy and pretty so I could go there when I need a few minutes alone. If the multigym is gone then I could move other things around and then my room would be just fine.

Bigboy my last hoover was off a relative and if anybody had a spare they would give me it, one relative is meant to be checking if their old one works but it's been weeks and I haven't hoovered and feel minging. Sweeping isn't the same. I think my family won't help with his things as they don't believe I've even asked him. When I mention his things being here they keep telling me to 'make' him take them as though I can force him ha. It's very frustrating having people not believe what you are saying. They don't believe me when I mention having little money too.

Asking my daughter to talk to him wouldn't work and would probably make him more angry. I think she's too young to involve, even in small things like that. She has done better than expected going from seeing her Dad each day to sometimes only twice a week. She doesn't seem bothered about us separating at all. My parents separated when I was 21 and had left home and I found it very hard. I think she's very strong minded, very little phases her. No idea how as I'm mentally weak.

Thanks again for the responses.

KeeKee Sorry but he seems very irresponsible/immature in some ways. KeeKee you must stop all this stupid talk when you are wanting a better life in your post you say it's probably a sad thing to say cause you want your bed room to be cosy and pretty what's wrong with that? Nothing atall Seems as though you have got it in your mind that you don't deserve a better life,home, youWell you do KeeKee so start believing this It's a shame your relatives don't believe you what you say about your Ex any reason why not, have they met him etc?
When I had some stuff moved out of my house it didn't go on the weight as such the van was £20 and I could have put 5 items in and it still would have been only £20 Do you have a local news paper as you often get good deals from there! Terry is on about Judge Rinder terrority But feel you have reached the level where you have asked and asked and asked him to do something about his stuff, You may have to write to him too, so check with your local CAB office also check the Housing Association re any letters they may have sent out to him! Also your daughter may be hurting about all this, you may think that she isn't bothered, as she isn't showing it, but she could well be sadly. Right ok get a few phone calls made (baby steps etc) and get on that road to recovery XX Cheers

---------- Post added at 09:37 ---------- Previous post was at 09:24 ----------

Thanks for the reply Terry. I'll have a look at it, it does have the weight things on.

I doubt I'd ever have the guts to sell his things anyway.

I'm also thinking it will cost extra with the fish tank given that it contains living fish. We have tried selling the fish in the past as we have at least 50 but nobody seemed to want them. They are guppies too which breed like there is no tomorrow. I wonder if a pet shop would take them....

I do feel it's possibly as he will just sit there when she back chats me it happened yesterday. If I tell her off in front of relatives they'll normally butt in and defend her too which doesn't help. When growing up we wouldn't have dared back chat our Mam in front of my Dad and my friends other half is also the same. My ex partner doesn't condone the behaviour but I usually have to say right in front if her 'will you tell her to pick it up' or something.

He's never going to change in regards to her. I'll just have to get on with it. It's just very hard to be a lone parent and I never thought I'd see the day to be honest.

KeeKee ok hand on heart do you want your life to be happier? Sell/chuck his things it all amounts to the same thing a beginning of a new life You find out legally where you stand on this and if you have to do anything else before you take action. I used to have no guts and it's even worse for a Guy but now I will stand my corner! KeeKee I want you to be happy Just one piece of good news by the end of today would be brilliant and it's possible!!! So make a few phone calls and see what's what Cheers

[Kuatir]

I've mentioned this in another post, but your Ex still has some elements of control in your life that he shouldn't have. You don't have the guts to sell his stuff? Is that because of the way he will react if you do? He is your ex. The only element of your life you I think you should be sharing is your daughter because it is important for her to have both of her parents.

[Magic]

Hi KeeKee, Just read through posts. Be careful when selling other peoples stuff without their permission as Terry has said.
I would just put them in a place out of your way, until they decide to get them.
I am sure you are in communication with the owner.
I don't know how old your daughter is.
I have a 8 year old g/daughter. She has £1 per week for empting the bins in the house and keeping her bedroom tidy. There are no clothes under the bed.
I hope you can get something sorted KeeKee, this problem has gone on far to long
I hope you will let us know when you have sorted things out.
In the meantime I am sending youx

[KeeKee]

Hi all, thanks again for replying. I've emailed a few people for quotes today. Just waiting for a response. I've mentioned it to my ex who seemed ok with it and if it's affordable he will pay. Don't know why this couldn't have been done earlier though if that's the case.

Magic I could try the money thing. When I was younger I'd make my parents a cuppa for 50p haha. I'm hoping her upcoming birthday will encourage her as she wants it decorating a specific way and I've told her if she sorts her room out this week that's what we'll do for her birthday. She doesn't even have to tidy it, just let me get rid of it. She has a guitar that I think she's played with about 7 times in a year. I've told her we could try to sell it and she can have the money. It's virtually brand new.

Kuatir he wouldn't do a thing if I did sell them. He can be lazy, stubborn and selfish but I know for a fact he would never go to police or anything like that, he would never get me in trouble. He's even suggested selling them himself as opposed to the hassle of transporting them, but the gym he wants so it would be better for him to pay a removal van.

Hopefully I'll get a decent quote.

On a slight plus, this morning I weighed myself and looks like I've lost a total of 2lbs. Not much of course but on a 2000 calorie a day 'diet', I can't really complain. All I wanted to lose is 10lb so if I could lose 1/2lb a week or something I'll be absolutely over the moon as thats just another 16 weeks. I'd like to be a size 10 for the summer.

[Bigboyuk]

[QUOTE=KeeKee;1659908]Hi all, thanks again for replying. I've emailed a few people for quotes today. Just waiting for a response. I've mentioned it to my ex who seemed ok with it and if it's affordable he will pay. Don't know why this couldn't have been done earlier though if that's the case.

Magic I could try the money thing. When I was younger I'd make my parents a cuppa for 50p haha. I'm hoping her upcoming birthday will encourage her as she wants it decorating a specific way and I've told her if she sorts her room out this week that's what we'll do for her birthday. She doesn't even have to tidy it, just let me get rid of it. She has a guitar that I think she's played with about 7 times in a year. I've told her we could try to sell it and she can have the money. It's virtually brand new.

Kuatir he wouldn't do a thing if I did sell them. He can be lazy, stubborn and selfish but I know for a fact he would never go to police or anything like that, he would never get me in trouble. He's even suggested selling them himself as opposed to the hassle of transporting them, but the gym he wants so it would be better for him to pay a removal van.

Hopefully I'll get a decent quote.

On a slight plus, this morning I weighed myself and looks like I've lost a total KeeKee this is so positive I hope the quotes are reasonable if they aren't then check out some more and even google manandvan+ the area you are from always use the+ between key words seems to bring up better results Also think you are being too kind she wants her room decorating then the deal is to tidy it too! Also your daughters toys get her to sort out and agree to you selling them even outside your house (like a house sale) on a decorators table they are cheap to buy it could be great fun and 2lbs is better than nothing again baby steps and you could get to the size you want ready for the summer too You take care KeeKee Cheers