Doing it By the Spoonful

[aprilmoon]

Hi fduop
I agree completely with what you say about quick fixes,and facing up to things.
I'm always surprised that things are never as difficult as I thought they would be when I've just got on and did them.
I try and live my life that way now,as I feel I've wasted enough time avoiding and dwelling.
Well done with dealing with the panic attack,and congratulations on the grades youve been achieving.

[fduop]

Good Morning. Last night I thought about posting, but I just couldn't come up with anything worth mentioning. In mean the weekend was hot (normal South Georgia, USA), I got my assignment done for school (normal), and I slept through most of the night (again, normal). So what news did I have?

After I closed the lid on my laptop it occurred to me, maybe normal is worth writing about. I mean I spend a good deal of mine and your time discussing what's going wrong and how to overcome it. Just maybe when things finally do go right, it's time to mention that.

Sometimes I find myself talking about all the crap I go through. But not a lot of time just being normal, isn't that the goal of each of us? So today, I'm celebrating the normal I'm having today. And my prayer is that each of you can have one too.

[MrAndy]

well done fduop ,normal is good ,normal is a step in the right direction,normal is something to be proud of as its your hard work that got you there !

[fduop]

Good Afternoon. While earlier in the week I was going through a phase of normal, the last few days, especially today, I've been "feeling" tense and out of it. So much so that I was really wondering which way was up and have had problems wrapping my head around this week's assignments.

As all this was going on my head was spinning, my stomach was in knots, and my focus was nonexistent. I finally put every thing down and focused on nothing. Mind you, I didn't go into a mediation, I just allowed my spinning mind to rest a few minutes. After a short time of that, my focused improved and my stomach eased up.

Right after this occurred I knew I was going to have to write this down. Not so much to show how I'm overcoming panic. But to show that even when we feel our best this specter of anxiety/panic can come up at a moments notice.

Another point I'd like to make is staying vigilant about panic isn't a good thing either. I may not be a trained counselor or psychologist, but I've lived through this long enough to have an opinion. If you stay on edge waiting to fight anxiety/panic at a moments notice, you're still not living either. Being wise enough to see the signs and working to let go have been my best tools at being my normal self.

This has not been an overnight victory, it has been a continuing journey of many years. Another thing I've learned is, being vocal and not cowering in a corner about my situation has really helped me overcome and find support. So don't sit in the dark and hide, open the windows of your soul and live.

[fduop]

Good Hot Afternoon from South Georgia, USA. I figured since I had a minute or two I'd drop a note about how things are. Well this is the finally week of this course. While the time in these classes are short they are very intense. Cramming a lot of information into a very small time frame. But it appears "third times the charm" and at worst I'll past with a C, but I'm working toward a B.

I suppose the thing I wanted to mention is despite the many setbacks I have had over the past number of years. Ground is being gained with each small victory. I started my most recent academic journey in 2007, but actually it goes back to the mid-1990's. When I started my most recent journey, I had a pretty clear vision as to what I wanted to do. But since then my focus and technology on general have changed.

Now that I'm one course away from my Masters, the greatest thing I had learned is that despite the setbacks I have had (or you may have had for that matter). They can be crawled through at the very least. I wanted to say overcome, but you know I like to keep it real. Because the journey isn't pretty or fun or easy.

So before I dive neck deep into this week of term papers, PowerPoint presentations, and final exams, I'll say this. Sometimes to get what you desire, you have to get uncomfortable, scared, and dirty. But if you didn't the victory wouldn't be as sweet.

[fduop]

Good Evening. Seldom do I write when I'm in a good mood. I guess it's because I use writing as an escape from the depression and pressure of my anxiety. But this evening I'm hoping I can bore somebody besides myself with the fact I "feel" pretty good.

I'm sure a lot of you know what I'm talking about when I say that, because I (we) spend so much time trying to pull ourselves out of our funk, it's all we know. So when a decent day comes along it's kinda like getting a break and not knowing what to do with your hands.

So what I'm trying to do is simply enjoy the moment while the moments here. To not dread the days to come, but to take peace in the here and now. Because when you think about it that's all we really have, right here, right now.

[fduop]

Happy Monday Everyone (if there can be such a thing). Just a quick update to the weekend. The funny thing about being in school you usually don't get a weekend off, even in an online setting. Since we have individual and team assignments to do, you have to compromise and work with others on their schedules, as well as, your own. Which means I usually have to work on stuff throughout the weekend, and since this is finals week it made it extra fun.

But enough moaning and groaning, it is what it is, so I bite the bullet and move on. Still the weekend wasn't without some anxiety issues but as I reflect on it, they were minor compared to pass adventures.

I suppose if I had to focus in on something profound to say it would be. As much as our minds short circuit when panicking breathe in and try to focus on the moment at hand. I'm not saying this works every time for me, because it doesn't. But what does usually happen is I remember this to shall pass. This my not be a cure all for our shared situation, but hey it's free.

As a side note I've been asked, why don't you write a book or something? I guess my response would have to be, why? So far posting here isn't a lot just donating to the cause when I can (which we should all do). Plus I simple don't want to miss lead anyone by saying "I have found the cure", because I haven't.

I'm just one guy hoping that maybe something I write can help someone else. Isn't that worth donating too and paying the Internet bill for?

[fduop]

Good Evening. Just wanted to drop a quick note to let everyone know I finally passed that damn Statistics course that as hounded me for a year. Not only did I pass,but I raised my GPA by 0.02 points. Now all I got to do is got through the next six weeks of capstone course test.

[fduop]

Good Afternoon. In a way I kinda wish I had taken a week off between classes. It's been a while since I've done back to back courses. The courses may not be long (just 6 weeks) but with the amount of work expected, it's a six to seven day job. But enough whining time to take a minute and tell you about my oh so uninteresting life.

Which as we discussed earlier is the end goal of at least my journey. For so many years I've lived under the watch of panic and anxiety. That honestly it's a bit weird still to have a "normal" day. But in some twisted way I've been wondering if this whole panic thing hasn't been a blessing in disguise?

Hear me out, would I have had the drive and fortitude to make it to this point without the specter of panic? Before the panic started my family and I were starting a new career and getting ready to buy our first house. Maybe the panic saved us from something that could have happened?

Alright, alright, I hear you. You're all saying, "but it sounds like things were going great BEFORE the panic." You know, you maybe right. Trying to spin a positive out of a negative situation maybe just a little too much. Maybe what I should be saying is, life handed me a rotten apple. The positive is that I didn't settle with just that rotten apple and I worked to get a better apple.

Maybe too many times we just settle and hope for good fortune. When what we really should be doing is creating our own fortune. Now I'm not saying grab and grab till you had your fill. What I'm saying is work to be the best person you know you can be. My path isn't your path and my success isn't your success. Simple do what your heart and mind knows you can do.

[fduop]

Good Afternoon. I figured it's been a few days since I posted so I thought I better say something before I really get busy this weekend. It's been one of those weeks where things have been going pretty good. So you know in the back of my mind I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Other than that, while I still carry a bit of doubt about things looking brighter, they do appear to be. I hate sounding like a Debby Downer but anxiety can sometimes make you that way. So I'm simply walking one day at a time seeing what life brings.

While I may not have some prophetic word to pass along, if ever. I hope each of you can feel better (if we'll ever learn what that is) and live the life we are worthy of.