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Thread: Commitment, Relationship and Social Tension

  1. #1

    Question Commitment, Relationship and Social Tension

    Hi I am new to the forum and my name is Caitlin.

    First off I want to say I am a rather shy person socially and can be a pain in the butt to get out into social situations. However I know this is because I am an introvert and after a long day at work I like to just go home and relax. However here is my problem. Sorry if I ramble and some might seem pointless but I don't know if any of this has to do with my distrust or not.

    Three years ago, after I graduated highschool, I immediately went out of province to work for my sister. She had her first baby and wanted me( a 19 year old) to take care of her infant child. Considering I had practically no prior experience in caring for infants and toddlers I'd like to say I did a good job. However that was the beginning of my severe isolation and depression. I had very few close friends and one guy I was wanting to go out with but when I left almost all of that seemed to disappear. One of my supposed best friends took the guy I was crushing on when she knew I liked him and even when she knew he liked me. I know he wasn't my boyfriend and I never asked him out because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle a long distance relationship but that was a rather bitter betrayal that haunted me for the next two years. Especially after him and I had a rather nasty blow out at each other not long after I learned about it. So all the people I could talk to for the next two years was a baby who could barely form anything more than simple phrases, a sister that was emotionally abusive, a brother-in-law that tried not to get involved, a sympathetic older brother that was gone for weeks on end and a mother who who tried her best to council me via phone.

    It was easy to say I was more than happy to leave and get back home. However my true best friend had to move away two provinces over to her dads when she tried to commit suicide and then I was left with no friends even at home. Then my crush reappeared and broke up with the traitorous best friend and asked me out. So we did and it was fun at first, he is a sweet, quiet mannered guy but only after a month or two I started dreading having to see him. I ignored his calls and texts and in time I became scared of him. So I broke up with him and I haven't seen him since.

    Since then I have very few social interactions aside from work. I love my work and I love the people I work with. I can talk to them all day about whatever, whenever and I would like to say we are all on friendly terms. However somehow I can not find the courage to ask them to go out for drinks or even have some fun and watch a movie. I have been asked to go out but when I am asked I just freeze. I blank out and pull away. I want to have friends I really do but I am just so scared of seeming boring and being rejected or turned away. And then I start to think if we became friend would we have to go out all the time? Would we need to talk on the phone (which I don't really like doing cause I prefer to speak face to face) I feel that they won't understand that I like my privacy and be insulted when I never ask them to come over(because I get way to distracted and tense when people come over) Then with dating. There are a few guys I would really like to try dating but I am always dreading intimacy. It's like someone just flipped a switch and it's like they are no longer my friend but a person to be intimate with. And I am a person who gets shy and embarrassed when kissing or hugging my own parents let alone my siblings.

    I just don't know why I am like this and I know it is unhealthy to be so separated from people when I notice that I really have a strong craving for human interaction and intimacy. I know I have had bad relationships in the past and I want to move on but I just can't seem to find the courage to take that first step.
    Last edited by casatawaychi; 19-11-12 at 06:43. Reason: spelling

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1,993

    Re: Commitment, Relationship and Social Tension

    That is what you have to do, have the courage to take the first step and get yourself back in to society. It will be difficult and will probably cause you a lot of unwanted stress at first. Join a Gym, exercise class, dance class, evening college course. If you are asked out by your work mates, go.
    __________________
    Every blessed day we wake up to the fullness of pristine purity and innocense free from the pain of the past and fear of the future. 'Carlos Santana'

    BobbyDog

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