I think I’m having an existential crisis, for about 2 weeks I have been worrying, trying to answer questions that can’t be answered.. reading about near death experiences to try and comfort myself, and reading about theory’s of the universe... why are we here, is life meaningless or is there something higher than us? I’m terrified of being without my partner, terrified that dying will hurt or that il be scared when it’s happening to me.. I was even looking at ways to kill your self that are quick so that I could take back control and not have to worry ..so I could know what was going to happen and the level of pain I would probably feel. I feel a bit better now but I haven’t eaten for 2 days and I don’t know how to get out of this cycle, I have no appetite and when my partner goes to work I feel like I’m just going through the motions, I drop my daughter off at nursery then go to my moms with my son and just lie on the settee because I don’t want to move but I don’t want to be alone ..
I’ve always had anxiety but this is awful, nearly two years ago I had a miscarriage and had dreadful anxiety about my partner leaving me, it lasted weeks .. I’ve just so had enough of anxiety