feeling in my head

[dela]

I know it is only a symptom of dep and anx but does anyone else get that feeling like your head has been bashed with a baseball bat?

Has anyone got any tips on shifting that feeling?

[dela]

So here we are another day. I keep reminding myself that it’s a day nearer relief . The routine of each day is tedious and repetitive. Do something enjoyable some might say. Enjoyable, enjoy.. hard to know what that means. I’m at work at present.. things are quiet.. I have to go to the next town at lunch time to go to the bank. It’s only 5 minutes by train. Hate going. Nothing will happen to me. I just feel scared of doing it. I will just keep breathing and remind that I am safe.

My wife is encouraging us to have a holiday soon. I worry worry worry about the financial aspect although we will opt for a cheap deal. I find it difficult to think about making plans of any kind. Even down to what I will do this evening. I just want to feel safe …probably want to hide away.

So what is it that is making me feel scared. Does it matter?

My thinking seems to have a flaw. Which leads to anxiety and then depression.

Although I know that dep is no respecter of status or position I keep getting a hammering that I “should” be able to get rid of it.This sort of thing “doesn’t happen in my family” I’m beginning to ramble .

Just looking for some encouragement

Apattern that I have followed is hooking up with people in a place such as on this forum. When I feel a bit better it’s like I’m a different person. I probably will end up not visiting here. It’s like I will deny ever feeling unwell. I want to be able to offer support but I don’t feel confident, in fact I feel scared about giving support and encouragement. I feel like running “away” So many of you here are really supportive and you give of yourselves all the time. (This is just another pattern of me being hard on myself!!!)

I feel scared…..

Made it back from the other town. Felt scared and anxious most of the time. Had to go on the train. At bank got stressed about transferring money for holiday. Feel I don’t deserve it, and possibly cannot afford it. Finances are in a bit of a heap. I worry about money a lot of the time, hence not inclined to spend it. My wife assures me we can afford it.

Was shaking most of the way. Questions and thoughts running through my head. Like as if there is so much OUT OF my control. Trains running, banks working… I don’t feel part of it.. irrational. See other people doing other jobs… I SHOULD BE DOING SIMILAR.

Although my libido has been non-existant for so long, I’ve always been terrified of fathering a child or children. Thoughts run like….would not be able to afford a child… would not be able to care for and raise a child.. I’m too old (47). Yet isn’t that one of the reasons why we are here, to fulfil the drive to reproduce ourselves. Where is that drive gone (been on a/d meds for eight years). Feel dead there. Don’t want to be just a talking head.

This bout of dep and anx will lift… it’s the between times is where I might need to do the real work.

Have guilt about not really caring or thinking about anybody else. How did I end up with this patterns? Does it matter?

So confused. Bless you all for not judging xx

[Paddington]

hey Dela you made it,YOU DID IT!BRAVO THAT MAN!Do you know what a huge achievment that was,i admit i could not do what you have just done!Wow i am impressed.Give yoursrlf a pat on the back.As for the other issues,having children is a personal choice/need!I am one of 5 children but only two of us had anf of our own,as long as your wife sis of the same mind,where's the poblemo?as for your love life there is more than one wat to skin a rabbit Dela!I think it's the depresion maybe that is the root cause here.As the first thing to gois desire as one tends to lose all interest in everything .You are not just a talking head Dela,there is more to us complex humans than sex!We are capable of giving deep and profound love .If it is a REAL problem for you,then the dr should be able to help,or are you too embarrassed to ask,that is understandable too.Hey just keep talking ,we are listening.love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore