I have been homebound, a shut-in, for about 2 years now. The most I've done is go into my yard in that time. I've been living off savings since then and just recently begun to run out.
My problem now is I don't have money to pay child support. Because of this and missing some payments, I have been sent a letter to get to court. But I'm incapable of leaving my house without a severe anxiety attack, so not showing up to court. So by not showing up, they will issue a warrant for my arrest.
So I am here now under extreme anxiety, in my home, which was the only place that I used to feel secure. So now it's beginning to go from anxiety to suicidal thoughts because I have no good outcome.
Also, I'm very self-aware. I get that this is no one else's fault but my own. I understand i should should have sought help long ago, but I've been too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone. But I don't know the type of therapy that is even out there for someone who is incapable of even leaving his/her home.
I've never talked about this with anyone, even though I'm sure my family has noticed something is wrong. Even posting this now is embarrassing to me; I don't want to feel needy, whiny, or this desperate. But I also don't want these thoughts of ending it all because I'm not a coward, but I think I'm just overly emotional right now and it's making me think irrationally.