Struggling, My story

[Greycylinder]

I would go to couples counselling but I am scared that it would lead to a permanent split. I have also been told that for couples counselling to work, I have to be in a slightly better place than I am now. If I get through this current bout I will try to broach the subject with my husband again. He's been very dismissive in the past. Our marriage has been difficult for years, largely because of alcohol abuse. When he's sober, he's a nice man but alcohol turns him into a lying so and so.

I know the answer for me is to build my own self esteem and resilience but I am finding this impossible at the moment. Medication can only work up to a point. I am just so exhausted with fighting and trying to be normal. I am like a deflated balloon.

---------- Post added at 18:24 ---------- Previous post was at 17:59 ----------

Thanks Ben. I have sent you a friend request x

---------- Post added at 18:26 ---------- Previous post was at 18:24 ----------

I am on the waiting list for psychotherapy on the NHS (CBT) and I have just started to go the Listening Place - 2nd session tomorrow. I have a counsellor too but although I like her very much, not sure she is quite right for me.

[Greycylinder]

Just had my session at the Listening Place. The more I talked the more I realised that my only hope is the end of my marriage but we split up last year and I was desperate to get him back. Now it's falling apart again. He told me that although he 'loves' me he doesn't like me and I am sucking the life out of him, our son, our daughter, the doctors etc etc. He won't talk to me yet he drove me to my appointment today and waited outside. It's a constant 'push me, pull you' . I am terrified to be with him and terrified to be without him. I could go and stay with my daughter for a while in the North but this is really my only other option.

[Bigboyuk]

I would go to couples counselling but I am scared that it would lead to a permanent split. I have also been told that for couples counselling to work, I have to be in a slightly better place than I am now. If I get through this current bout I will try to broach the subject with my husband again. He's been very dismissive in the past. Our marriage has been difficult for years, largely because of alcohol abuse. When he's sober, he's a nice man but alcohol turns him into a lying so and so.

I know the answer for me is to build my own self esteem and resilience but I am finding this impossible at the moment. Medication can only work up to a point. I am just so exhausted with fighting and trying to be normal. I am like a deflated balloon.

---------- Post added at 18:24 ---------- Previous post was at 17:59 ----------

Thanks Ben. I have sent you a friend request x

---------- Post added at 18:26 ---------- Previous post was at 18:24 ----------

I am on the waiting list for psychotherapy on the NHS (CBT) and I have just started to go the Listening Place - 2nd session tomorrow. I have a counsellor too but although I like her very much, not sure she is quite right for me.

Well ok but that goes for hubby too as he has a alcohol problem which he probably will deny, denial is common with addictions I know been there my self in the past. Does he drink to excess often or just now and then?
Sure you can broach the subject again. If he is making you unhappy perhaps use that time and go to your friend in the north. 1. It will be a break for you. 2. it will give you time to reflect on the situation you have that option I personally would use it

Absolutley meds will only help so much they aren't a cure so I would continue with the listening place and hopefully the psychotherapy from the NHS will help but like with the meds you wont get results overnight you have to give it time take care ATB

[Greycylinder]

Yes, I think I will get away from this house for a while. A little distance could help. It may force a more permanent split but it may help to decide to make more of an effort to work at a 25 year marriage.

No, he doesn't drink every day but when he does, he'll have a couple of pints in front of me and then swig vodka in the loo or the garage. For years I didn't have the faintest idea why he was so drunk then I started to find the evidence. He has been better lately but the frustration is creeping into his relations with me - telling me I'm toxic etc.

I don't really want to leave my son in the house with him alone but I think he'll be safe enough and my crying all over the place probably isn't doing too much for my son's well-being anyway.

Thanks to all of you for listening and offering advice. It 's a bit of a comfort blanket for me right now.

[Bigboyuk]

Yes, I think I will get away from this house for a while. A little distance could help. It may force a more permanent split but it may help to decide to make more of an effort to work at a 25 year marriage.

No, he doesn't drink every day but when he does, he'll have a couple of pints in front of me and then swig vodka in the loo or the garage. For years I didn't have the faintest idea why he was so drunk then I started to find the evidence. He has been better lately but the frustration is creeping into his relations with me - telling me I'm toxic etc.

I don't really want to leave my son in the house with him alone but I think he'll be safe enough and my crying all over the place probably isn't doing too much for my son's well-being anyway.

Thanks to all of you for listening and offering advice. It 's a bit of a comfort blanket for me right now.

I think that's wise to take a break away Tbh he does have a drink problem and he says you are toxic sorry but its him that is toxic you are ill yes but you don't turn to drink do you? He does need help and for the marriage to work he will need help too, if he wont or cant then Its not going to work Out it cant so pack a suit case and take that break, Iam glad you are getting some comfort being hereATB

[Greycylinder]

Saw my shrink today. He doesn't want me to go anywhere. He has remove the morning Quetiapine and replaced it with low dose Pregabalin night and morning with an emergency supply of diazepam which my husband has to guard. I am going with him at the moment because I trust him. My son had a right go at his Dad's treatment of me this morning and it seems to have sunk in. I got an apology so I have out out the flags ! 1st time ever. Husband also came with me to the hospital and looked a bit shaken up but what he heard. I have a glimmer of hope. Thanks to all of you who wrote back.

[Bigboyuk]

Tbh it's not the shrink that's going through hell and back it's you. Think your son was right to get involved over your treatment of your husband towards you But is he now going to get help too? If things get bad again use that break up north don't suffer any more off him. Yes there is always hope. but take care and thx for the update ATB

[Greycylinder]

So the Pregalapin has helped quite a lot with the anxiety but I am on the edge of tears all the time. I feel like a cauldron which is about to explode. I have my daughter and son in law here for Easter. My daughter always comforts me. Hope you're all ok. Thanks

[KK77]

So the Pregalapin has helped quite a lot with the anxiety but I am on the edge of tears all the time. I feel like a cauldron which is about to explode. I have my daughter and son in law here for Easter. My daughter always comforts me. Hope you're all ok. Thanks

Unfortunately, Pregabalin won't help depression. Are you still taking Mirt and at what dose? Maybe increasing it would help.

Hope life starts to get better for you.

[Greycylinder]

Yes. Am on 45mg mirtazapine and Quetiapine split between 200 slow release and 100mg fast release. On top dose of Mirtazapine I think.