Fear of boyfriend dying

[Pip82]

Hi everyone

I have never wrote in anything like this before but I really hope that someone can help me because I am literally going to go mental!

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months and I know he is the 'one' and I absolutely love him with all my heart and (luckily!) he feels the same.

But for some reason whenever I am not with him (we are doing long distance of 2.5 hours which I know isn't long compared to what some people do..) I have a real phobia that something will happen to him..

Like if he takes a while to text or call back I imagine something bad has happened, or when he is coming up to see me I worry he will be in a crash, if he gets tired I worry something is seriously wrong, when he goes for a run or to the gym I worry he will have a heart attack.

I know it sounds REALLY stupid but does anyone have any advice? Does anyone ever feel like this?

Please help me!

(I am 30, my dad died of cancer when I was 9..so I have already experienced death of a loved one and I dunno if this is connected to my current feelings)

Any advice would be great. Thank you

Pip xxxx

[iloverabs]

I have these kinds of fears all the time. I suppose someone who suffers from anxiety is naturally prone to catastophising about their fears possibly coming true in a way "normal" people don´t.

I was starting to get OCD about it. Like..."if I wear that t-shirt today, someting bad will happen to x". My therapist told me to counter it immediately with an opposite thought. Like "if I wear that t-shirt today something amazingly wonderful will happen". It helped me see how stupid these negative thought patterns were.

I know you don´t honestly believe you can predict the future or control it with your thoughts. I think you are just afraid of losing someone you love in a world where life can seem fragile and where you cannot protect yourself or the people you love completely from what may or may not happen.

Try and think about how lucky you are to have found someone that makes you so happy and enjoy every minute instead of worrying about the unknown. That would be tragic and a waste of what should be the happiest time of your life.

We are all worryers on here...but the vast, vast, vast majority of it never even comes close to happenning, and if they do happen, no amoutn of worrying would ever have changed it.

Every time he goes out or doesn´t answer the phone, replace the negative thought with a positive one. Try and get your brain out of the habit of thinking these things

x

[swgrl09]

I am SOOO glad you posted this here, as I am exactly the same way. I lost my mom to cancer and that is when this terror that my fiance is going to die began. It truly ruins the good times I have with him because I think about how one day I will lose him and nobody knows when that day will be. I also do the same thing when he does not call or answer the phone or is late coming home. I think the absolute worst. He travels for work a lot, so I worry about his travel and if I don't hear from him that something awful happened.

Thank you for posting, I am always embarrassed about this fear and feel stupid for having it. You aren't alone!! I'm going through it too. I am getting therapy and hoping it helps.

[Pip82]

Thank you. I am so glad it is not just me... It is just because I love him so much, I couldn't stand to loose him. Like he is doing a half marathon soon and I cant stop thinking he will have heart attack... I know it sounds stupid and he is training for it and is not obese or anything but I am so scared still..
Is therapy helping?Xx

---------- Post added at 18:07 ---------- Previous post was at 18:00 ----------

Also everytime I read about someone getting murdered I think What if that happens to him?Xxx

[swgrl09]

I know, it is so hard. Therapy is helping slowly, but it is taking a while ... I am getting help with grief after losing my mom a year and a half ago and also weeding out a bunch of other issues too, so it is taking time. It has helped though, I am definitely not as bad as I was but there are moments where it comes flooding back ... like you said if somebody gets murdered on TV or if somebody dies of a disease and it's on the news. I can't seem to keep my emotions from flooding back at those times.

[Pip82]

I am finding it a comfort that I am not on my own..I am so sorry to hear about your mum...loosing a parent is an indescribable pain..personal message me if you want to talk any more in more detail, there are other issues for me too xx

[MiniatureDisasters]

Thank you. I am so glad it is not just me... It is just because I love him so much, I couldn't stand to loose him. Like he is doing a half marathon soon and I cant stop thinking he will have heart attack... I know it sounds stupid and he is training for it and is not obese or anything but I am so scared still..

Ha, this particular situation sounds very familiar to me

I think the same things, funnily enough I never sit up worrying that any of these terrible things will happen to me directly. I'm not sure how you deal with it. I just try and rationalize it every time I start thinking like that and push the thoughts away. Staying away from the news can help too... I don't mean completely but if I see a headline that is not really of any newsworthy value except to demonstrate a personal tragedy in someone's life, I try not to read it any more.

[amh93]

Hey I the exact same and it sound so familiar to me to. I worry myself sick about my family but hardly worry about myself. So you are not on your own

[Meewah]

HEy Me too

I lost My Dad in 2008 after watching him go down hill. Now that is all I think about. At first I thought I had taken it well but I realised that every time any of my family was ill I imagined the worse. Over time I thought about what it could be in the worse possible terms which made me want to take them to the doctors to just calm my anxiety. I am the same if my son gets a cough a rash a headache a pain....it never stops. Any how I started reading a great book called the happiness trap and I have started to put some of the skills in to action and it helps. For instance whenever a thought comes up in my mind I thank my mind for giving me it but I let it go. The important thing for me is to let the thought appear thank my mind for the thought and then let it move on. Before I used to forcefully change my thought or jump out of bed and quickly do something.

Hope you find a way that works for you.

Mee

[Pip82]

Thank you everyone, I am really glad I am not alone in this. It drives me crazy. I worry about him all the time. I don't worry about myself or anyone else like this only him, every time I see him, every time we say bye, I worry it will be the last time xx